Questions and Answers

In what feels like my relentless search for answers – you know the answers to – the WHYs?  the HOW COMEs?  the HOW COULD YOUs?  I’ve now come to the conclusion that I will never know and actually do I really need to.

I’d love answers but only if they’re the answers I want to hear!  Not the ones I’m more likely to be given!

And actually in this rather fruitless search have I ever asked the right questions.

None of the questions that have assailed my confused brain have been very growth orientated.  I never asked – kindly and lovingly – , for example, “What do you want to achieve?”

And – given the fact that the answer to that is, probably, a combination of “Happiness, passion, freedom from feeling as I do now”

Then surely the next response should have been “Wouldn’t it be great and wouldn’t you just love it if you got all those things again with me?”

That would have been a growth orientated conversation!

Sadly not one we ever had.  And now I’ve learned (from Stephen’s coaching) that these ideas can be a real possibility, it’s been a tough thing to come to terms with. Tougher than I can describe.

It’s not too late for my brother, H, but in his current state no-one can get close enough to pose those questions and so give him the opportunity to, perhaps, see things in a different way.

I’m sure we all have questions, every day.  I now feel the important thing is to know what we want from the answer and then work out what the real question should be!

5 thoughts on “Questions and Answers

  1. Are we asking the right questions? Now that’s a profound proposition. I wonder if we don’t have to ask the wrong ones before we can move on to the right ones. Your probing publicly via this blog has been an eye-opener for me and I’m sure for other readers as well. And I think you’re right–there has to be a realization that we will never get the answers we want to all those old questions, so why not move on to better questions–ones that have answers we can do something about.

    Hope this makes sense. I’m battening down before going to pick up my little angel.

  2. I agree. Thank you for your comment.

    Part of sorting out the ‘muddle of meltdown’ is to ask the probing questions.

    To probe what I think and why it is important to me. So – in my view – the more comments I get the better as it gives me the opportunity to consider other ways of looking at things.

    I may reject some and accept others but that doesn’t mean I don’t relish what others have to say!

  3. It is true,we often do not think through the questions properly, so we either ask the wrong one, or we asks ones we really do not want to hear the answers to.

    The worse problem is when your question is not really clear so the answer recieved just confuses things even further.

  4. I think asking the whys, how could they etc questions is a way to put off acceptance. Because acceptance without making sense of what is happening to you, without feeling at least a shred of control in the situation is one of the hardest things, and effectively what we are asked to do.
    It’s a bit like accepting someone’s death without understanding why they died, it’s incredibly painful, and adds to the difficulty of letting go.
    So all this questioning is useless, but normal.
    On the other side of the coin, you’re right, if only our husbands had asked themselves the right questions, we would probably not be here today, blogging our broken mariages.
    x

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