I still have the 2 packs of miniature playing cards my Mum gave me when I was a young child. They came from Belgium or France, I think, and had probably been hers. One set had blue backs and one red. The pictures of the Kings, Queens and Knaves are incredible and I used to weave my childhood stories and adventures around them. One day for reasons I can no longer remember I tore one of the cards in two. Something I regretted almost instantly. I didn’t tell my mother – too ashamed of what I’d done. As I say I still have the cards. A constant reminder of what I did. How I destroyed something I loved because of a moment of childhood tantrum – whatever!
Maybe it was a useful lesson. A pack of cards is no big deal and can be replaced but my action that day lessened the value of something I loved. Removed some of the magic that pack of cards held for me.
Now as an adult I watch as those close to me (my ex husband, my older brother) destroy something so much more precious: Their marriages. Something they treasured and loved when they started out but for reasons within themselves they’ve lashed out at and torn in two.
Like children with a toy that doesn’t behave the way they want it to they’ve stamped on it in their frustration to change it. But tearing something in two doesn’t solve it – it just removes some of the magic and mystery of the object, leaving it broken, and the perpetrator with, perhaps, a sense of failure.
Maybe they never had that childhood destruction moment to fall back on. That moment when they too destroyed something they loved through a moment of childhood fury and so learnt that valuable lesson (without necessarily realising it at the time) that tearing something to pieces doesn’t improve things one iota!
That being said, marriages can be mended. There are good glues available. In fact there are Superglues which are capable of not only instigating repair but removing the fault lines and giving wonderful, harmonious and passionate futures. The trouble is that those in charge of the toys have to want to buy the glue and then learn how to use it.
And those who have been torn in two then have to acknowledge that repair is an option and then find a way of accepting the repair without bearing a grudge. Something which must take incredible determination, trust and focus. Something it appears I won’t be called on to do.
Anyway I hang on to my pack of cards as a constant reminder not to destroy the things I love – never mind how great the provocation!