Writing the letter was very important for me. Publishing it here also mattered. It told ‘the world’ how I feel.
Thank you, dear readers, for your comments and lovely words of encouragement and support which have been wonderful and comforting – thank you so much. And thank you for taking time to give your views and suggestions.
Actually I don’t want Alex to be hurt. That doesn’t solve the issue at all. What I meant (and here it is so interesting how different interpretations on my letter have been seen!) was I want Alex to discover that despite changing the geography of his surroundings and the partner he now lives with that he is still not at ease and comfortable within himself. That the pain is still there. That the solution lies within himself rather than a different human being.
And I don’t want him to discover this through being hurt. If that happened he would still be able to abdicate and blame someone else. And anyway I remain steadfast in my view that I wouldn’t and don’t wish on anyone what I’ve been through.
So no being hurt (by someone else) doesn’t solve anything. The pain has to come from within. A pain that comes from a dissatisfaction that life is not the way it should be despite having done and changed all the things he has – then and only then will he actually dig deep enough to find out why and then hopefully take the steps – those very hard steps – to look at how he can break the pattern and give himself and become the stunning human being that he wants and can be. I married a warm-hearted, gentle, kind, lovely man. This man also has a deep unease within himself. Someone who finds it easier to run, block out and hide from the issues he has rather than go through the very painful task of ‘sorting them out’. He knows. He has said so. He has made several attempts at facing his ‘demons’ but, I think, (and of course I can only guess as I’m not him!) that he hasn’t conquered his own unique Terror Barrier yet.
I divorced someone who is lost.