I sometimes feel my blog is one long repetition of angst interspersed with moments of hope, happiness, acceptance and steps forward!!
But maybe that’s what getting through all this is about?
Each morning I still face the repetition of the pain of rejection. Every so often I have a day (well usually the Life Coaching ones!) when I learn a bit more about how to come through. Faced with my Groundhog Day existence I try various tactics to improve my life. Although I haven’t yet tackled Ice Sculpting!
Sometimes I feel that never mind what I do, what I learn, there is still that sodding ache in the background and every morning I wake to the same tune playing in my brain and it isn’t even “I’ve got you babe” by Sonny and Cher – which I quite like!
What’s irritating is unlike Groundhog Day the rest of the world appears, by and large, to be happily getting on with its life – they’re not repeating the same day!
So maybe, unlike the film where he only escaped his Groundhog day existence by learning how to truly, honestly give and love someone else above himself, I’ll only escape by learning how to completely fall out of love with the man I fell in love with.
I’ve filled my evenings with new activities – which I’m enjoying – as ‘keeping busy’ helps. But maybe they are just ‘ice sculpting’ and learning how to ‘ice sculpt’ is just a distraction from the real business of falling out of love and ceasing to care. Or maybe ‘ice sculpting’ is part of the healing. Who knows!
And like the film there are days when I honestly expect and feel I’m on the verge of escape – that I’ll wake to find I have shifted out of the repetition of the same day – only to hear the same tune kick off once more and once more I feel as though I’m watching from the sidelines!
The only hope is it’s getting fainter!! I do feel I am at the top of my ‘mountain’ more often than not these days. It’s just someone’s tied me to the ground!!
I hope your day, dear reader, is one filled with growth and fun! And ‘take offs’!! (whichever way you want to read that!!)