I sometimes feel my blog is one long repetition of angst interspersed with moments of hope, happiness, acceptance and steps forward!!
But maybe that’s what getting through all this is about?
Each morning I still face the repetition of the pain of rejection. Every so often I have a day (well usually the Life Coaching ones!) when I learn a bit more about how to come through. Faced with my Groundhog Day existence I try various tactics to improve my life. Although I haven’t yet tackled Ice Sculpting!
Sometimes I feel that never mind what I do, what I learn, there is still that sodding ache in the background and every morning I wake to the same tune playing in my brain and it isn’t even “I’ve got you babe” by Sonny and Cher – which I quite like!
What’s irritating is unlike Groundhog Day the rest of the world appears, by and large, to be happily getting on with its life – they’re not repeating the same day!
So maybe, unlike the film where he only escaped his Groundhog day existence by learning how to truly, honestly give and love someone else above himself, I’ll only escape by learning how to completely fall out of love with the man I fell in love with.
I’ve filled my evenings with new activities – which I’m enjoying – as ‘keeping busy’ helps. But maybe they are just ‘ice sculpting’ and learning how to ‘ice sculpt’ is just a distraction from the real business of falling out of love and ceasing to care. Or maybe ‘ice sculpting’ is part of the healing. Who knows!
And like the film there are days when I honestly expect and feel I’m on the verge of escape – that I’ll wake to find I have shifted out of the repetition of the same day – only to hear the same tune kick off once more and once more I feel as though I’m watching from the sidelines!
The only hope is it’s getting fainter!! I do feel I am at the top of my ‘mountain’ more often than not these days. It’s just someone’s tied me to the ground!!
I hope your day, dear reader, is one filled with growth and fun! And ‘take offs’!! (whichever way you want to read that!!)
I've Survived! and I'm "Flying"!! 
Hi Caroline,
I’m very glad to hear that you are slowly shifting your perspective and looking at Life in a new way and thinking about an ‘escape’ from the old life into a bold new one.
You probably need to be prepared for a two steps forward, one step back situation and some tumbles along the way. But the trend will become clearer. The separation from your old life might not be as startling as in Groundhog Day but gradual is good too. Either way, you get to the same place…a new start.
Yay for you, SD…
I know how you feel, my blog is probably the same.
You though do seem to be making great progress and that is excellent
Will the pain ever be forgotten completely, I doubt it, but that is because you are a compassionate person.
But it will lessen and be remember less frequently
I think we all kind of feel the same about our blogs, but the important thing is that they reflect a true dimension of ourself – and hey people keep reading so you must be doing something right!
Jacqueline
🙂 🙂 Thank you!
And thank you for reading!!
I still think you’re getting on with things very well. You had a new twist on that “knife in your gut” last week but you’re stepping around it like a pro. You ARE healing. Hugs.
Hey Caroline, I’ll concur with the others: We all pretty much seem to follow the same pattern. And while the times when we seem to lapse back into the familiar aches are frustrating, overall we are all following an upward trend.
I think you’re right about the great escape coming when you fall out of love with Alex.
I know that for me, the turning point will be when I fall for someone else. I am nowhere near ready for now, but I look forward to that day anyway.
Remember, you cannot undo what you have been through, but under the circumstances, you are doing amazingly well…
xxx
Rejection is painful. My struggle took a little over two years. Therapy, medication for depression, but the one thing that helped the most was input and insight from others who went through the same. Believe it or not, a few self help books helped, too. Byron Katie and Ekhardt Tolle.