A lot is said about forgiveness. That moment that people suggest we are able to forgive our EXs for smashing up our lives, throwing us into our pits of despair, walking roughshod over our feelings and disappearing into their supposed new found happiness.
The other day I ‘wrote’ to Alex on my blog and forgave him for what he did. At the moment when I wrote it I did. Bizarrely ever since then I haven’t!
For months and months my earnest hope was that what we had could be resurrected, that we could somehow come through all this. That he would wake up one morning and realise he was in bed with the wrong woman! (OK real good Holywood stuff). That I would be able to forgive.
Denial was where I was – big time. According to the book I’m reading “Time to Think” by Nancy Kline – and I quote:
We can usually go for about a year before we are forced to see what had been right in our face from the beginning.
What she calls The Amy Question: “What do you already know that you are going to find out in a year?”
What I do know is I’ve reached a level of acknowledgement that life has changed and will go on changing. Not in the way I’d planned. Maybe that’s what people mean by ‘letting go’ and ‘moving on’. For me, for now, acknowledgement is about all I can handle. The sadness of the breakup is still there – maybe it always will be. But that’s something I feel comfortable acknowledging too.
BTW – the book is very enlightening and interesting!