A lot is said about forgiveness. That moment that people suggest we are able to forgive our EXs for smashing up our lives, throwing us into our pits of despair, walking roughshod over our feelings and disappearing into their supposed new found happiness.

The other day I ‘wrote’ to Alex on my blog and forgave him for what he did.  At the moment when I wrote it I did.  Bizarrely ever since then I haven’t!

For months and months my earnest hope was that what we had could be resurrected, that we could somehow come through all this. That he would wake up one morning and realise he was in bed with the wrong woman!  (OK real good Holywood stuff).  That I would be able to forgive.

Denial was where I was – big time.  According to the book I’m reading “Time to Think” by Nancy Kline – and I quote:

We can usually go for about a year before we are forced to see what had been right in our face from the beginning. 

What she calls The Amy Question:   “What do you already know that you are going to find out in a year?”

What I do know is I’ve reached a level of acknowledgement that life has changed and will go on changing.  Not in the way I’d planned.  Maybe that’s what people mean by ‘letting go’ and ‘moving on’.  For me, for now, acknowledgement is about all I can handle.  The sadness of the breakup is still there – maybe it always will be.  But that’s something I feel comfortable acknowledging too.

BTW – the book is very enlightening and interesting!

16 thoughts on “Acknowledgement

  1. I am an analyzer. I wil try and try to figure something out and I get so overwhelmed by it. At these times, I literally just let go and let God. I take a moment and I walk outside, close my eyes, reach out my arms to the sky and say “God…I am putting this in your hands.” And, I just let go of it. Some things are just out of our control and we just need to let go.

    Yes, there are some things that we can forgive and people always preach that we need to forgive so as not to make ourselfs sick. Me, I dont feel I need to forgive. What happened with me should have never happened if some people had control…meaning my ex.

    He messed up. He confessed to messing up. He begged to be forgiven and wanted to prove his love to me. I gave him the chance. But I wont ever forgive him for what happened. He was a big boy and knew what he was doing. I have let it go, poop happens. But I had to think of, me. If I accepted him back, I would never trust him again. I would always be questioning him, wanting to know where he was, who he was with…I dont want to live like that. So for me…it was letting go.

    I am in no way against drinking, but alcohol played a big part in what happened…it dulls the senses. But I have my wits about me when I am drinking and I would never have accepted anothers advances. Yes, I do take part of the blame, as I was not showing him the affections that a woman should show her man. But in my defense, at the time, I was overwhelmed with my kids and my mother had just died a few months before and I was still mourning her.

    In my mind, if he truly, truly loved me…this would have never happened.

    Ohhh sorry, I seem to have written a chapter here. But whooo did that feel good!!

    • Letting go and letting God is difficult to do if you don’t have God. But I agree you have to let go. I don’t know if that’s ever easy. It took me about 2 or 3 years to finally let go of my last relationship. And still, I would drive past her house every so often to see if there was someone else’s car parked in her drive way. If that is stalking then I will have to admit guilt. I once read it takes about half the time of the relationship to let go. That would mean if it were a ten year realtionship, it would take 5 years? Impossible! And now that I’ve totally depressed you, good luck!

  2. i totally understand where youre coming from. Its acknowledgment that there is no other choice and this is your new life, whether you like it or not. And no it doesnt mean you have to like it. For me, while I’m mostly happy and extremelly busy now, I still cant help but want to go backwards. Back to being part of a couple, back to him. Back to that safe zone, or what once used ot be a safe zone. But there’s no going back.And how sad it may be…I’ve acknowledged that!

    • Lost in France,
      One day you will have to forgive her. If you don’t, the pain will eat you up and you are too fabulous to be consumed by someone who chose to walk away.
      I’m wounded too. But I can’t let some jerk’s choice ruin the best years of my life. And those years started the day he left. I just didn’t know that until a year later.

      Sorry you are hurting. Many of us are. But there is life after heartbreak. We’ll find it, hopefully sooner, rather than later!

      • HI AthenaVox and welcome to my blog and for commenting

        Yes we will all find our way of dealing with our heartbreaks – the thing to do is find one’s route out of the pain! And hopefully for us all that route is a quick one!

        Good luck and I hope you’re on the mend.

  3. So glad you’re finding the Nancy Kline book helpful. I was quite astonished when I got towards the end – if you haven’t yet, I won’t spoil it, but it’s a ‘wow’ moment.

    When I look back over my life and count the number of times when such ‘thinking time’ has not been allowed to me, I wonder how much more I could have been with that kind of consideration. I suspect, even now, I’m afraid to think for myself about some things…

    • Welcome to my blog! I haven’t got to the end yet! Finding it really interesting though. I fear I’m one of those who interrupts others so I have a great deal to learn and absorb!

      I’m also one who often wants to think what others want me to think rather than ‘think for myself’. Interestingly I decided to say what I really believed in a meeting the other day and promptly got shot down in flames as I wasn’t ‘on message!’ – until later that is when surprisingly the person decided to take ownership of my idea for himself!

  4. What a great blog. I have heard that resentments are like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the person who wronged you. It is you letting go of that toxicity in your life which no longer serves you.

    • Welcome to my blog! I agree which is why I hang on to the statement “If you want revenge dig 2 graves first” – It’s what’s got me through – amongst other things!

      The Life Coaching has been my saviour!

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