Sometimes I feel I need a protective shell around me. A shell to protect me from the pain, the reminders, the hurt……… – I’m sure you know what I mean! And I realise I’m probably not alone in wanting this!
The trouble is that if I build too thick a shell then I will cease to experience any emotions at all. A bit like the way my brother is heading.
It’s been an eye opener to find how many people who I thought were his friends, say how cold he is, how arrogant he is, and, worst of all, how inferior he makes them feel . Something I thought he only did to me. Actually it’s very liberating to find how so many other people feel the way I do!
A friend of mine who was very, very senior in the same company H worked for – and far more senior than him – told me yesterday that H made him feel very inferior!! That feeling that somehow despite our best endeavours we’ve all somehow failed to come up to the mark!
So now I feel sorry for H! Wow! Because he has built an impenetrable barrier round himself, and by so doing he’s isolated himself from so much. Including people wanting to help him through his current problems. Everyone’s asking about his wife and how she is and can they do anything. There seems to be little or no sympathy or understanding for him. I’m not surprised. His actions, attitude and behaviours are very discouraging!
So although I would love to build a shell, a shell would stop me feeling. And feelings matter. Even when the feelings are rather painful!
On a lighter note more NLP books arrived today from that wonderful internet emporium which sadly has the same name as I gave the OW, though I don’t have such vindictive thoughts towards the global amazon company as I do to the tart who spread herself like some glutenous, clawing, irremovable jam over my Ex!!