A Protective Shell

Sometimes I feel I need a protective shell around me.  A shell to protect me from the pain, the reminders, the hurt……… – I’m sure you know what I mean!  And I realise I’m probably not alone in wanting this!

The trouble is that if I build too thick a shell then I will cease to experience any emotions at all.  A bit like the way my brother is heading.

It’s been an eye opener to find how many people who I thought were his friends, say how cold he is,  how arrogant he is, and, worst of all, how inferior he makes them feel . Something I thought he only did to me.  Actually it’s very liberating to find how so many other people feel the way I do!

A friend of mine who was very, very senior in the same company H worked for – and far more senior than him – told me yesterday that H  made him feel very  inferior!!  That feeling that somehow despite our best endeavours we’ve all somehow failed to come up to the mark!

So now I feel sorry for H!  Wow!  Because he has built an impenetrable barrier round himself, and by so doing he’s isolated himself from so much.  Including people wanting to help him through his current problems.  Everyone’s asking about his wife and how she is and can they do anything.  There seems to be little or no sympathy or understanding for him.  I’m not surprised.  His actions, attitude and behaviours are very discouraging!

So although I would love to build a shell, a shell would stop me feeling. And feelings matter.  Even when the feelings are rather painful!

On a lighter note more NLP books arrived today from that wonderful internet emporium which sadly has the same name as I gave the OW, though I don’t have such vindictive thoughts towards the global amazon company as I do to the tart who spread herself like some glutenous, clawing, irremovable jam over my Ex!!

 

20 thoughts on “A Protective Shell

  1. I’d say you’re great because you haven’t got that protective shell, because you are receptive to others, because it makes you so vulnerable and so human. Don’t change a thing! x

  2. Oh what pleasure your description of the OW gave me! Although jam is too nice – arsenical jam? Vitriolic jam? Poisonous jam? Deadly nightshade jam? Stop, stop! Too much jam is bad for the blood sugar levels…

  3. jammed up? jammed tight? jammed where? ;-0
    sour orange jam? or are you thinking more like the movie “the blob” jam? (the original with steve mcqueen, not the junk from the 80’s.)

    thick shell sounds nice somtimes, but you are right about keeping it off. it can lead to insulation, disregard and lack of empathy.

  4. I keep telling myself that at least I’m feeling something. You’re right a shell around you would shield you from too much good stuff, not just the bad.

    Jam or not, she’s a trollop.

      • You’re welcome. I’m going to try the song and dance routine as I finish decorating my house. But I’m singing to Santa Claus today. No more time for trollops. Let them stew in their own whatever it is they’re stewing in. They’re certainly not entitled to any more of my time.

        • Let’s go out with plackards that say ‘DOWN WITH TROLLOPS’! We’d all have fun looking to see if any trollops were around and had had nerves hit.

          Trollops of the world unite so we can impound you!

          Trollops derserve a good kick up the ********. That would stop their little games. Maybe something that could be included in village fetes alongside the stocks?

  5. The shell issue is one I am dealing with now…if anything goes slightly wrong with my husband, a shield goes up – my husband swears he can actually feel it physically snap into place around me…and when I am closing him out to keep from being hurt, I also end up shutting out everyone else too…so I’m damaging friendships, confusing my family, and hurting my husband – and actually not making myself feel any better!

    I love the jam/tart pun, Here in Texas we have an invasive plant species called Kudzu that sends out tendrils, covers over trees and shrubs, and eventually strangles them – definitely the OW in my case.

    Pat, I am totally in love with the word trollop! With all of the Victorian lit I’ve read, it should have been the first word to come to mind for the OW and I never thought of it at all – and now, as ridiculous as it sounds I want to dance around the house singing she’s a trollop, she’s a trollop, she’s a trollop. Thanks! P.S. – I swear I have not had a drop of alcohol 🙂

    • I am delighted that you found the word you needed, Robin. I’m still laughing at the idea of you dancing and singing “she’s a trollop.” Oh, and, we have Kudzu here in NC, too. Invasive–perfect description of both kudzu and the OW.

    • Ooh, I don’t know what you look like, but I have conjoured up an image of you singing and dancing around your house – it sounds so cheery and fun and will get the endorphins going so I am going to do the same! Maybe this should be winter activity to cheer us up during dull days, dance around singing ‘she’s a trollop, she’s a trollop’! You’ve cheered me up immensely.

    • Throw down a challenge, and I will pick it up! (Think what I could introduce to a certain club! A Club anthem?))

      ‘Trollops of the world unite
      You were wrong and we were right…’

      ‘Trolloping down to Bangor?’

      ‘Oh this is Christmas,
      but not for the slags,
      Season for giving
      trollops the …’

      Someone else carry on?

  6. It’s amazing how that happens… When we try to protect ourselves, we end up protecting ourselves from everything, good and bad. I’m reminded of a Madeleine L’Engle quote I really like: “When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable.”

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