But today I decided that it was about time I took my next step and admit to myself I am feeling a great deal better. I am feeling a lot more positive. I am accepting of the sadness and the doses of loneliness which rush up and smash my confidence sometimes without warning (or so it appears).
I even know and accept that I get scared over things that surprise me:
I’m scared I’ll forget what he looks like
I’m scared I won’t recognise him if I were to meet him now
I’m scared I’ll forget how happy we were
I’m scared that I’ll stop missing him
I’m scared that one day I’ll look back and think those 17 years were the surreal part of my life
All these things are bizarre thoughts but nonetheless thoughts that I do have. And increasingly often. It’s as though my sub-conscious is fighting a rear-guard action. But increasingly I also feel at ease with these thoughts and increasingly I’m finding that I can live with them and still focus on my future.
So with that in mind today I’ve added
Stage 5 – Flying to my categories.
It seems to be the right time to do so. It’s probably long overdue!