A new category for my blog

I’ve been dithering about this for a few weeks. Scared that if I added this new category I will promptly suffer a reversal and then feel a failure.

But today I decided that it was about time I took my next step and admit to myself I am feeling a great deal better. I am feeling a lot more positive.  I am accepting of the sadness and the doses of loneliness which rush up and smash my confidence sometimes without warning (or so it appears).

I even know and accept that I get scared over things that surprise me:

I’m scared I’ll forget what he looks like
I’m scared I won’t recognise him if I were to meet him now
I’m scared I’ll forget how happy we were
I’m scared that I’ll stop missing him
I’m scared that one day I’ll look back and think those 17 years were the surreal part of my life

All these things are bizarre thoughts but nonetheless thoughts that I do have. And increasingly often. It’s as though my sub-conscious is fighting a rear-guard action. But increasingly I also feel at ease with these thoughts and increasingly I’m finding that I can live with them and still focus on my future.

So with that in mind today I’ve added

Stage 5 – Flying  to my categories.

It seems to be the right time to do so. It’s probably long overdue!

8 thoughts on “A new category for my blog

  1. Fly Caroline. Fly free. It really doesn’t matter if you forget what he looks like or if you do not recognise him again because he is now where he chose to be, in the past.

    We think so much that we want to go back, for things to be as they were before, but that can never be. Once the hurt has been caused nothing could ever be the same again, so forget, fly free and go forward (because nothing fly’s backwards) and let the memories stay in the past where they belong.

  2. Stretch those wings out and go for it.
    It was a thought provoking list of fears. I to fear that I am getting to twisted up in the financial wranglings with the Ex that I forget the good times we had and the reasons we got together in the first place.

  3. You won’t forget any of it, ever, but the memories that are bad will become less and less painful and the good memories will still be sweet. Spread your wings without fear and soar a little. A little time being purposely ‘forgetful’ will help you heal and then you can look back with love.

  4. Go on fly, and tell us what things look like from above!
    I agree with Katrinarachel, it’s a bit like giving birth, you forget the pain, the fear, the bad bits and remember the good ones so well that eventually you are ready to do it all again 🙂
    xx

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