Moving towards rather than away from

As you know, dear reader, I’m deep in the reading phase of my goal!  Also, for various reasons which I won’t go into I’ve been analysing why my goal is giving me such a buzz.

Why did I wake up one morning and with a conviction bordering on an ‘epiphany’ moment declare to myself “I want to be a Life Coach!”.  And what’s held me to that conviction ever since.

I believe the whole issue does revolve round goals and their function in life.  Finding a goal that would engage me to this extent was something I didn’t believe was possible.  I spent weeks and weeks wandering around muttering to myself in complete turmoil on Why Couldn’t I find a Goal!  One that would inspire.

I now realise I was looking for the wrong type of goal or solution.  I was looking for goals that would move me away from my hurt and angst.  I was looking for a goal which would solve the past.  What I got was a goal which is moving me towards something very positive and totally new – which is going to give me a new future.  The hurt is still there but the goal is giving me something else to focus on.

I did have a goal to put on weight. But the more weight I put on the less motivated I became to eat as there wasn’t a clear end point and also I was moving away from being too thin – to what?  Very easily I can stop eating and so lose weight again – which doesn’t suit me, makes me look years older and is bad for my health (it’s OK I’m not anorexic – I’ve only done the non eating thing since my marriage collapsed! And I am now 20lbs heavier than this time last year!).

Yes, I also want to remove the pain and hurt and I still want to find a new partner who will love and cherish and care for me.  But is that a good goal for giving me the great future I want.  It is a good goal. But it is a goal which is focused on moving away from my current hurt. A  hurt which is still there and though getting dimmer can  suddenly be triggered into sharp 3D, multi-coloured, focus by an incident.  Yesterday the delivery of my remaining belongings from Store caused a whole lot of flashbacks which were more than somewhat alarming.  Especially unpacking all the photos!  But the flashbacks didn’t last like they used to.  I was too keen to return to my studying and all the books which now litter my bed each evening as I curl up to read. 

My goal is focusing me on other things.  And for me, for now, that appears to be what some part of my brain has decided I need to do – and it’s not letting go! 

So to my astonishment I have to say finding someone new is now a secondary goal!  Giving myself a challenge and an extra purpose in life is now my primary goal.  And I never thought I’d say that!!

7 thoughts on “Moving towards rather than away from

  1. It makes me happy to see you doing so well. I think you’re exactly right about goals, something I will hope to give more thought and effort to after Christmas. Thanks for sharing your insights.

  2. You have come such a long way, in a very short time. I know, it’s a cliche, but the post-past ‘you’ has taken shape over a matter of weeks. I now start to see that chasing goals is not necessarily the answer. It is doing all the things that allow the goals to present themselves and take over that’s important. Goals are apparently not clear. They hide themselves. You know they are somewhere about, and you have a rough idea of where and what, but they emerge slowly. I suppose that is good because it allows them to seep in almost in disguise, then suddenly they are there. I don’t know if I would have thought about things like this if I hadn’t met you.

  3. You are right, goals have to be achievable and your progress measurable. It also has to be well defined.
    Achieving a certain weight is a measurable and achievable goal just putting on weight is not.
    Becoming a life coach I assume can be broken down in to a number of measurable steps which can be interim goals.
    Added to that you seem to get so much from it

  4. Focussing on the “secondary goal” for a moment, Caroline: I suspect, but am not entirely certain, that finding a new “significant other” should never be a goal as such. It’s more along the lines of something that may or may not happen in time, and may or may not be due to some sort of intervention (eg, a friend making an introduction). I further suspect that the less we focus on the need for – or want of – a “significant other” the more likely it is to happen.
    Probably makes no sense, but as a goal, “finding someone new” is fairly intangible (because, amongst other things, our ideal may not exist!), whereas aiming at becoming an LC is very tangible and follows a clear pathway.
    Good luck with the road to deeper learning!

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