Christmas Time

That time of year when we throw ourselves into an overindulgence of buying, eating, drinking and forced jollity(?).

I’ve organised my time to be peaceful.  I’m going to friends on Christmas Afternoon. Otherwise I shall be on my own from tomorrow until I return to work on 3 January!  Now this may sound over solitary!  But I have 6 life coaching books to get through and I know I shall get invited to the odd (or even) meal during the break.  I might even bestir myself and invite people round.

As for presents – I really must do some shopping!  I plan to arrive in town very early tomorrow as the shops open and ‘go for it’! 

I wish all my blogging friends a great festive break.  May you all have peace and plenty and all the happiness and cheer you all so richly deserve.  May your wishes all come true!  And to Morning Wood I just say thank you for your wonderful, moving post today – you made me smile, you made me cry and you reminded me what Christmas is really about.

Moving towards rather than away from

As you know, dear reader, I’m deep in the reading phase of my goal!  Also, for various reasons which I won’t go into I’ve been analysing why my goal is giving me such a buzz.

Why did I wake up one morning and with a conviction bordering on an ‘epiphany’ moment declare to myself “I want to be a Life Coach!”.  And what’s held me to that conviction ever since.

I believe the whole issue does revolve round goals and their function in life.  Finding a goal that would engage me to this extent was something I didn’t believe was possible.  I spent weeks and weeks wandering around muttering to myself in complete turmoil on Why Couldn’t I find a Goal!  One that would inspire.

I now realise I was looking for the wrong type of goal or solution.  I was looking for goals that would move me away from my hurt and angst.  I was looking for a goal which would solve the past.  What I got was a goal which is moving me towards something very positive and totally new – which is going to give me a new future.  The hurt is still there but the goal is giving me something else to focus on.

I did have a goal to put on weight. But the more weight I put on the less motivated I became to eat as there wasn’t a clear end point and also I was moving away from being too thin – to what?  Very easily I can stop eating and so lose weight again – which doesn’t suit me, makes me look years older and is bad for my health (it’s OK I’m not anorexic – I’ve only done the non eating thing since my marriage collapsed! And I am now 20lbs heavier than this time last year!).

Yes, I also want to remove the pain and hurt and I still want to find a new partner who will love and cherish and care for me.  But is that a good goal for giving me the great future I want.  It is a good goal. But it is a goal which is focused on moving away from my current hurt. A  hurt which is still there and though getting dimmer can  suddenly be triggered into sharp 3D, multi-coloured, focus by an incident.  Yesterday the delivery of my remaining belongings from Store caused a whole lot of flashbacks which were more than somewhat alarming.  Especially unpacking all the photos!  But the flashbacks didn’t last like they used to.  I was too keen to return to my studying and all the books which now litter my bed each evening as I curl up to read. 

My goal is focusing me on other things.  And for me, for now, that appears to be what some part of my brain has decided I need to do – and it’s not letting go! 

So to my astonishment I have to say finding someone new is now a secondary goal!  Giving myself a challenge and an extra purpose in life is now my primary goal.  And I never thought I’d say that!!

The soap opera of my day!

My life is definitely not dull!   Even on days when I think it may be things happen which turn a normal state of affairs into something resembling a soap opera!

As you know, dear reader, I’m renting a sweet little cottage at the back one of the butcher’s shops in our village.

There are 2 butchers in our village. Both originally run by the same husband and wife.  This couple have now split (and are at war!).  So now the husband owns the premises  I’m living behind (and so is now my landlord) and his wife runs the other.  There is a lock up store adjacent to the one I’m behind and the wife owns the lockup.  I am now renting the lockup so I could retrieve my stuff in store and have everything nearer to hand.

All well and good!!

One issue:  The husband still has belongings in the lockup behind a locked partition (which actually he shouldn’t have) and is due to remove a partition sometime in January (as agreed with the Court Order on the division of the property).  Still OK

Today my belongings were delivered to said lockup at 9.00am.  Still OK. Unloading commenced.

The wife rolls up and decides to break in to the bit the husband  still has to demolish.  He rolls up to ask what’s going on (he has a restraining order against him which means he is not allowed anywhere near her – btw they did spend an hour or so together, talking in my kitchen the other day – without problem!).

However caught as it were ‘red handed’  and stressed out of her mind (this being the run-up to Christmas and therefore hyper busy for her), she starts to yell about how he’s not allowed anywhere near her and rings the police to have him arrested.   Her boyfriend who is normally a sensible guy didn’t have the courage or sense to stop her.  I did take her phone off her until she promised she wouldn’t but as soon as I gave it back she rang.

Up roll the Police – sirens going.  Two cars!!!

Husband runs and hides.  She screams at everyone  –  Police, me, anyone in the vicinity.  To be quite frank my view was let her shout herself out but of course the Police can’t stand by and let her do that.

She then storms off to her shop at the other end of the village.  Husband appears out of hiding.  I hand him over to the Police but first remind him to remain calm, to stay focused on staying calm, to be pleasant.  He didn’t need to be arrested.  If he had been there were far too many independent witnesses (ie the moving guys) for anything to stick.

She then rings me up and calls me everything under the sun including that I now want her to go bankrupt and see her drummed out of the village.  Which isn’t true!

Moving guys and lorry leave.  I give my view to Police who concur that she is so stressed she doesn’t know what she’s saying or doing.  Everyone goes back into their respective shops and homes.

For some reason I then burst into tears (which I don’t really understand – except I came over all vulnerable and girlie).  Neighbour gives me a hug and he and wife give me coffee to cheer me up.

I return to cottage as I’m supposed to be working.  It’s now 10.30!!  And there’s still lots of ‘day’ left for more excitement.

Now how I should have dealt with all that in a more ‘Life Coaching’ way god only knows!!!

The books….

So, dear reader, this is what I’ve been reading!

Time to Think and More Time to Think by Nancy Kline – excellent books and fascinating subject matter.  After reading the first one I tried out her technique at work and was very surprised by the result.  People said a lot more – and all because I ran a meeting where interrupting was banned! 

‘My Voice will go with you’ and ‘Uncommon Therapy – Psychiatric Techniques of Milton Erickson.  Both really interesting.  What a clever man.

The Magic of Metaphor  and  The Salmon Of Knowledge both by Nick Owen.  Great stories that really got me thinking.

Get the Life you Want & An Evening with Richard Bandler.  Richard Bandler is one of the co-founders of NLP – I’m finding this is the area I’m struggling with but it’s so fundemental I must ‘crack it’.  So I keep re-watching the DVD and re-reading the book! 

Still to tackle:

Coaching with NLP  by Joseph O’Connor
The Rainbow Machine – tales from a Neuro-Linguist’s Journal by Andrew Austin

Aren’t I going to have one fun Christmas week!!  I’m on holiday for the entire break so can devote myself to my studies!

The round-robin rollercoaster of others’ lives!

One of the more unexpected joys of Christmas is the enjoyable dreadful round-robin letters which fall out of Christmas Cards!

Gone are the days when people scrawled a few cheerful words.  Now they’ve all become PC experts and ‘hang the cost of ink cartridge and paper’ off they go on a marathon of Too Much Information which is really only exciting to them!

My friends appear to have got through the stage of what their  wonderful  lovely nausiatingly bright children have been doing and now appear to be brightning their lives with stays in various hospitals around the country, embarking on a series of unmentionable operations on bits of them I’d prefer not to become so intimately acquainted with!

A pity their innards didn’t remain mystical and unmentioned!

Having ploughed my way through yet another host of excitement medical detail involving every bit of anatomy I was cheered by this spoof take on this popular sport from a fellow UK blogger

Thank you for the giggle – it’s worth every word!!

Reading like I’ve never done before….

A certain internet shopping site (which I’ve mentioned before) is doing a brisk trade with me!

I now have 3 more books to read and 3 more on their way. I’m enjoying the subject matter immensely, though the ones I find hardest to grasp are the true (if that exists) NLP ones – oops now what courses am I going on?……  Oh yes NLP!!  Let’s hope they make more sense than the books!

Anyway for a little light relief I’ve been watching Strictly Come Dancing Final this evening.  Beautiful dances, beautiful music.

And  Harry won – the one I wanted to!!

What a good Saturday evening!