Overcoming the inner conflict

I’ve been having a re-read of where I was during the first few months of 2011 to where I am now.

Back then I was in the midst of my Life Coaching sessions and battling with a huge inner conflict within me.  On the one hand I wanted to free myself from hanging on to my past,  whilst still wanting the love I had for my Ex  and the resurrection of what we had.  On the other hand wanting to have an honest happy future where I lived true to myself and my values.

In February last year the “hanging on” held sway. As a result Stephen cancelled my sessions, clear as he was from his position of being unable to help me.  Gosh was I angry!  Frustrated with the entire process, all I could see was that I’d been abandoned to my ‘fate’.  Left in a place where I stroppily informed the world I was happy with my lot.

Rereading his emails of that time has been more enlightening than I could have imagined!  Mainly as I now see what he meant and what he was endeavouring to get me to see.  As the saying goes “There are none so blind as those who will not see”.  Wow was I blind!

It took me until mid-April to acknowledge and see for myself that ‘clinging to the wreckage’ wasn’t getting me anywhere.  To see that what I was being fed by Stephen was a good dose of ‘Tough Love’ (OK Tough Concern!!  Love is probably a bit OTT!!).  Because only tough love was going to force me into finding the courage within myself to deal with my inner conflict!  My inner conflict, my deep rooted belief that I was unlovable, held sway for a very long time.  The only evidence I felt I had that this wasn’t true was Alex’s love for me for so long.  No wonder I held on like a limpit.  No wonder I wanted him back – almost at any cost.

Yes I understood and knew that you have to love yourself first and foremost.  I thought I did.  But I didn’t.  And actually changing that deep rooted belief was incredibly hard. Even today it occasionally returns to haunt me.  But less and less – and I’ve learned how to ‘kill it’, by feeding myself positives all the time.  Not to allow any negative through my armour, never mind how small or insignificant it might appear!  Hence the change in my blog title.  “I’m Flying”  is a real positive “About to fly”  held the posibility that I might not, so a negative.

Maybe that is one of the differences between other forms of therapy/counselling and life coaching.  Life coaching pushes you to make the changes within you to give you a brilliant future, by giving you new tools and methods whilst providing a strong level of positive support and backup.  Life coaching doesn’t allow you to wallow.  (I had a Phd in wallowing).  All you can do is find the courage to take the leap of faith that is offered and trust in the result.

6 thoughts on “Overcoming the inner conflict

  1. This is a great post, reflection is really important. I also made myself a coffee and had a nose about your blog today as I’ve learned to appreciate your tell it like it is approach. You have so much great stuff on here. I was feeling really low today and needed to get my head straight. Your post has caused me to reflect in a more positive way. Thank you 😉

  2. Looking back to look forward can be a really positive exercise. Apart from being over and done with, the past is often useful as a benchmark for future learning.
    Keep going Caroline! The best thing about tomorrow is that it’s an unknown and we can, to some extent, shape it the way we want it to be 🙂

  3. Uh-oh…Reading your post I have a strong sense of déjà vu…This IS what I am going through right now, exactly. My deeply ingrained belief that I am unlovable makes me cling to the love T had for me, this is why it hurts so much that he devalues what we shared (it’s like he is minimising the love he could have for me), and that’s why feeling replaced by a better, newer model is so painful…
    I want to love myself, I really do, but how do you do it?
    Thanks for this great post Caroline.

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