A challenging post!
I’ve written before how finding a good goal was tough. I don’t think I’m alone in this quest. I think that many people who have been rejected find this part of the road to recovery difficult to grasp.
So this is my take on it.
A Good Goal:
A good goal focuses on the future. It puts you in charge of you and the entire process. It should make you buzz! It should and must give you happiness. After all ultimately that’s what we all want I imagine.
It could also include a sense of achievement! Overcoming the odds. Proving something to yourself. So a good goal has to be one where the only other people who have any input into it are those who have to supply a resource.
Taking my goal: To become a Life Coach. This ticks all the boxes as I am doing all the work!:
- Studying – no one else can do this for me
- Finding courses and going on them – ditto
- Getting qualified where required – ditto again
- Finding clients. This has to be down to me! I have to advertise, I may end up getting clients sent to me from other sources but I cannot be reliant on this. And if I do then that’s the ‘cherry on the cake’
- Getting insurance sorted out. I may pay a broker to arrange but it’s down to me to enquire and get quotes
- Finding premises to work from. Again down to me to hunt for somewhere.
- Organising my finances!
- Organising my life so I have time to coach
- Finally doing something I totally believe in regardless of what some of my friends may think or say. I believe in this to the core of my being. I know I will be happy doing it. I will get an immense sense of achievement. And as a result I’ll be a fun person who people will want to meet. I won’t be or feel needy!!
A not-so-good Goal
A goal which relies on someone else providing the answers, support, emotional accolades etc.
So using my goal above and putting a different slant on it!
- Relying on someone else to tell me which courses to go on.
- Relying on someone else to tell me which books to read
- Relying on someone else finding me all my clients, organising where I practice from, sorting out my insurances and basically taking over! It might make my life a great deal easier but it can’t be part of the goal.
- Expecting someone else to tell me how good I am!! Nice I grant you. But, again, it can’t be part of the goal!
Yes the goal may be achieved but I’ve lost ownership of it and I won’t get the same sense of achievement when I succeed! And succeed I will!!
So a good goal is one that makes you feel beautiful inside, happy and content and excited with who you are. Something that gives you faith in yourself. It can be scary – but that’s no bad thing. The emotional solution has to come from within. And if that seems impossible right now then perhaps that’s the goal you need right now: To find the you inside. Not a bad starting point.
If your goal to happiness is reliant on another human being supplying you with emotional support, gratification or needs then I believe the goal could well fail because you are reliant on the other person not failing you. Anyway the goal ceases to be yours. It becomes theirs – and why should they be responsible for your goal they’ve got theirs to be achieved so don’t really need the burden of achieving yours too!
Unless of course you pay them – and that becomes a whole different ball game!!!!