Help Helps!

That’s the thing isn’t it!  Getting help actually helps!  And stuff all those people who have never been at the bottom of their Mine and so announce that getting help is just navel gazing and a waste of time and money.

The thing is to find the help that does actually help!  Because some help doesn’t.

I have a friend who won’t get help anymore as she’s too scared of the pain she might have to go through.  She has been for various types of help – mostly on a psychological front and it hasn’t worked.  She keeps going back to the same person and it keeps not working. She has been doing this for years and years.

I suggested to her she tried life coaching as a different route but she told me through her tears that she couldn’t face the opening up of the pain anymore and had decided to just live with how she feels now – which is not good by the way.

She has to take the step for herself. We all do. Life Coaching might work for her, it might not.  It was, for me, at times tough.  I cried a lot!  But I don’t ever remember leaving a life coaching session feeling worse than when I went in.  I usually felt a great deal better. Sometimes I left totally confused – but even that was better than just feeling plain miserable!

Yes getting help is scary and I don’t know how you help people get past that initial terror or stubbornness so they do ‘take the plunge’.

My brother and his wife are opting for the ‘I don’t want help’ route and heading for divorce, with absolutely no idea whether their issues could be fixed and the passion they had for each other re-ignited.  The result is their youngest daughter is, not surprisingly, finding life tough.

So how do we help those close to us to help themselves.  How do we ‘sneak’ up on them and introduce the thought that maybe the route they are on at the moment isn’t actually the one which is 100% certain to lead them to happiness.

I suppose time helps. That and the pain getting so bad that help is the only route out.  That was the case for me in the end. Though even that is not strictly true as I did go to my doctor at the beginning.  I did go to the psychologist – who I found so unhelpful that looking back now it’s actually funny!

After all what on earth was I getting after 45 minutes of me weeping to be told at the end by this ‘expert’ that I was crying because my marriage had failed

Now that was an amazing glimpse of the obvious if ever there was one!

And then to crown this she announced, with stunning insight,  that the reason I was feeling down and depressed was I saw no hope for a happy future for myself.

I wonder how many years training she had gone through to come up with that gem!

Clearly a career path that I should now be considering rather than the one I’ve chosen!!

In all the sessions I had with Stephen, in all those ones I fought, cried, battled or whatever, I don’t remember him ever saying anything so mind-bendingly crass!! He just did whatever he does (??) to encourage me to change state, understand myself and ……   finally get me to where I am now!!

11 thoughts on “Help Helps!

  1. “Help” comes in so many different guises Caroline. Yes, the initial help must come from within – an acceptance of the fact that help is actually required and then one must have an openness to accepting help.
    There are many people “out there” who either do not recognise that they do actually need help, or who are not willing to lose “control” of their downward spiral (this might not make sense to many of you, but it makes sense to me 🙂 )

  2. Yes, I remember feeling weak because I did seek help. Now, I really don’t give a hoot about it, about what people may think, or about those who’d rather take pills than sort out the root of their problems.
    Don’t know what words may work to convince someone to seek help, but my guess is that seeing you, and what a transformed person you are now is pretty good “marketing value”.

    • What ‘they’ don’t realise – whoever ‘they’ are! is that it takes courage to seek help not weakness.

      And then courage not to give up. To keep focused on the end goal and know that you will get there. Because you will

  3. I think many don’t understand that the coach is merely a guide, it’s you who has to do all the heavy lifting. I believe many go in with the attitude, “Here I am now fix me”. You can’t fix a slipped stitch in a sweater with out unraveling a few rows, (old Norwegian knitting saying 😉 } You certainly need to take 98% of the credit, if it wasn’t for all your hard work, you may very well be curled up in a corner waiting for it all to end, I’m so happy that you put in the effort.

    Oh, by the way if I told you how the Irv and Powerhouse Bill story ended, it would take all the fun out of the story. Take care sweetie AJ

    • Well I’ve just been chatting to Stephen on the phone who has said exactly the same thing (Except he didn’t mention the Norwegian knitting saying;) ) so great minds, AJ, think alike!

      So thank you for the credit!

      As to the end of your story – now I’m even more intrigued!

  4. The very thought of considering help, for many is an admission of not being able to cope. And for many this is just to terrible to consider.

    • But hopefully not for all.

      And why is it terrible? The trick is to find the leverage that helps the person take that step.

      In some cases this is the children, in some how the person feels about themselves, in others the wish to re-ignite the passion with their partner. Leverage is there, somewhere and once found it gets easier

  5. I think people get confused about help. Often people view it as being weak and needing someone to take over. At tough times my experience of seeking help has been the opposite. The support I have received has allowed ME to do the hard work to get through a crisis. Seeking help is a positive proactive experience, not a negative one where you hand the reigns of your life over to someone else to fix. That’s been my experience anyway. I think people who do seek help are brave and should take a pat on the back 😉

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