At 4.00 this morning I woke up in a state of abject misery. I’d gone to bed incredibly early last night with a crashing headache, feeling totally exhausted and very low. Something that has been creeping up on me for several days (in fact the low mood has been gaining momentum for a couple of weeks or more).
Anyway my mood matched the lack of light at that hour of the morning. I lay in bed in floods of tears feeling more alone, unloved and a failure than I’ve felt for months and months. In fact I can’t remember feeling this bleak since last summer.
Gosh did I cry!
I got up and read my emails – or should I say the lack of emails!
Now well aware that I was doing this to myself and that ruminating on my situation was getting me nowhere fast I forced myself to think of the future but in a different context to my gloomy mood.
I ended up planning a whole ‘mythical’ Executive Life Coaching session for my Senior Management Team at work (which includes the 2 managing directors)! I expanded the idea – making myself incredibly significant in this workshop. I gave them exercises on listening and vulnerability.
I based these exercises on improving Trust and Respect at work and removing the culture of micro-managing and dishing out criticism. I came up with a plan!
I fell asleep.
When I got up this morning I felt a great deal better and I’m even wondering if my idea might be a possibility. Have I got the Courage to deliver a workshop to the Board where I work? The answer is yes I believe I have.
Have they got the Courage to let me do so? Now that’s something I don’t know but I’m willing to find out. I have time to develop my Workshop. I don’t intend to suggest it until after I return from my life coaching course in March. After all I have to have as much credibility as possible.
I am pleased I managed to harness my bleak mood and use it to create an idea. OK an idea in its infancy – but then all ideas have to start somewhere!
By the way my depressed state is/was self-inflicted (clearly we do these things to ourselves!) brought on by watching some training session videos on couples and family coaching – all of which, of course, have splendid outcomes!!
I could avoid watching these but then I need and want to learn how to help others and so have to go through the pain barrier of understanding and learning what works and how to do it. But it isn’t exactly great for my mental state at times!