Pattern Interrupts!

I confess, dear reader, that this evening I’ve had a moment of incredible anger!  Nay, fury!

My ‘darling’ elder sibling has just fired a second missile!  A wish to know if “I’d thought any further about what I’m expecting from our Joint Agreement” – which I wrote about the other day.

This time he used the email approach, sent to me and our other brother!  Clearly designed to up the level of pressure a notch or two!

I have replied to this email – referencing our Agreement and have left it at that.  But the rage I felt was quite extraordinary!

I then started to sail off down a “Why do I have to deal with these things on my own?  Why isn’t Alex here supporting me?”  type road!   Things like broken stuff and getting things mended don’t bother me one iota – I sort these things out in my job!  It’s the emotional support I need.  And I decided I needed it this evening!


Then I remembered a story I was told the other day.  This friend said her parents used to argue and fight like crazy and she remembered one occasion when her parents were in mid-fight.  Her father picked up a vase to throw it at her mum.

“Not that one”  she yelled  “It was a wedding present”.

This stopped the fight in its tracks and they both ended up collapsed with giggles and hugging!

Pattern interrupts are good!!  And just writing this has shifted my mood!

After all my dear sibling can’t help it if he’s decided to wreck his marriage, is rattling round in his over-large house, can’t bear to part with his money and is feeling lonely.  He needs to love himself and be happy in his own skin before he has any hope of liking me!!

Perhaps I should lob a precious piece of inheritance at this head!!  The thing is I don’t think he’d laugh!!

But I might!!!

11 thoughts on “Pattern Interrupts!

  1. Writing it out makes it feel less threatening somehow, or less bad, and more laughable. Sounds as if you’re still finding a way to overcome. Good for you.

    I, too, still feel the pain of having no one to give emotional support during difficult times. Sometimes it makes me so sad I want to go to bed, assume a fetal position, and turn the electric blanket up to nine. (That’s what I’d do if I had an electric blanket.) 🙂

    • Ha! I’m curled up in bed with the electric blanket turned up to 9 – and a hot water bottle – how did you know!!!!

      As to my brother H. He’s just emailed again. A long convoluted email outlining all that he’s done for me (actually he’s benefited as well – in fact he’s not out of pocket at all – it’s all gain!), suggesting the money I’ve now got is like winning the jackpot (a statement which I find insulting to say the least) and just wittering on

      I am ignoring this. I will not sink to an email war.

      I am studying instead – The books I’m reading just now are “Learned Optimism”
      and “Blink”

      • This kind of conflicts is horrid, especially when the aggression comes from a family member, someone you love and I guess expect to be loved by… And yes, the lack of emotional support is hardest at these times, but for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing ever so well, and we’re all rooting for you out here. A tiny bit of virtual emotional support, to complement the electric blanket ;)…

  2. Pattern interrupts are good!!  Once my husband and I were in the midst of a, um, discussion. I lobbed the final grenade and stormed out the door, slamming it behind me. The glass shattered loudly , and all the neighbors came running out to see what was going on. Talking about interrupting a pattern! I think it was at that time that we learned how to fight fair and everything changed :). Good thinking about the sibling as well– it’s really about him, not you 🙂

  3. As I never received much in the way of emotional support from my ex, I acquired a very supportive friend/acquaintance network for most eventualities. “Being strong” is okay for a lot of stuff, but it does really wear away at your own emotional balance over time 😦

    No response is taking the high moral ground and should stop any further attacks – well, at least until some re-grouping on your brother’s part takes place!

    Just a little “I wonder”: Is your brother, perhaps, using you as a testing ground for his own divorce settlement? Not a nice brotherly thing to do, but I’ve seen worse …

    Keep that electric blanket cranked up, read on, and wipe the emails from you memory! 🙂

  4. Does he have any right to question an agreement that is legal and binding just because he is having a turn?

    If he persists, tell him that what you expect is exactly what was agreed. Nothing more and certainly nothing less. End of communication.

  5. Why did you respond do you think?

    He is probably after attention and he will go for it any way he can, just like children do.

    Responding creates importance to his behaviours.

    This is low level attention seeking.

    Just a thought!

    • I responded to the first email as it was addressed to me and our other brother and had other questions in it!

      I stuck to my statement that we had a legal agreement which states that my costs are borne by the agreement until all 3 properties are sold

      I haven’t responded to his 2nd email as I think this will only fuel the ‘fire’ and turn into an email war without any merit being gained by anyone!

      He seems incredibly resentful of the agreement now that he’s had all his costs reimbursed but I still have on-going costs.

      But I think the resentment goes back a long long way. It’s very sad for him as he’s bitter, angry and lonely.

      There’s nothing I can do about that!

  6. I have a brother very similar to yours. I just let him do what he’s determined to do whether it be the right or wrong thing. Every once in awhile he takes notice that I do whatever differently and tries it when his way has failed. All I can do is sit on the sidelines being ready to help if he should ask.

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