Does Love have a price tag?

Does love have a price tag? I’ve been pondering this issue this morning.

For my older brother it appears to.  Yesterday’s email exchange has not been resolved yet.  For him Fairness is his top priority right now.  He sees the Agreement as now being unfair as it requires me to go on receiving my rental expenses.  He considers this unfair as I will have the interest (which is taxable) on the money I have received as adequate to meet this expense.  So for him actually it’s all about money.

Life is never totally fair. Each person will see fairness differently. At the moment I see fairness as sticking to the Agreement which we all signed.  He sees fairness as breaking it. I wonder where Love comes in his list of values. Right now I don’t think he probably knows.  Or if he does he’s not about to admit it.

If I give in and bow out of the Agreement then I will get back his Love. So love for him is conditional.

But then am I being as bad? Am I doing the same for the other side of the coin?  If I am then I should agree we tear up the Agreement and accept his interpretation of fairness. And also accept that his love is worth more than the agreement.

This is trading.  And trading never works where love is concerned.  Love, real love, is unconditional.  But then am I also putting a condition on it?

Is it the case that the more we have the more we feel is rightly ours?  He has built a life style which I can only dream of.  I don’t mind.  I’m genuinely pleased for him.   He has a pension ‘to die for’, a 7 bedroomed house worth mega-bucks.  You would think with all he has that the amount involved would be so insignificant it wouldn’t bother him one way or the other. But it does!  He is, apparently, very relaxed at handing over 4  or 5 times the amount in tax!

So actually it could be more about me!  Which I actually believe it is!

Given that is the case then accepting his version of fairness isn’t going to make one iota of difference to how he feels about me.  So I might as well stick to my guns.

I await events!!

 

11 thoughts on “Does Love have a price tag?

  1. Stick to your guns. This should not be about love – and neither should love be withdrawn if someone doesn’t get their own way. The fact that your brother signed the agreement in the first place is testimont to the fact that he accepted the conditions of the agreement as being fair. Also, the whole purpose of an agreement is to ensure that there is no misunderstandings in the future. Which is exactly where you are now. It doesn’t seem fair but you do sound as though you’ve got the situation well within your control. It’s just a shame that love is being used as a pawn in all this to force your hand.

  2. I don’t think his reaction are either about love or fairness. He may think they are, but I would subscribe to the suggestion Stephen made in an earlier post that his behaviour is an attempt to seek attention.
    H is most definitely not in a happy place right now, and looking for people to put the blame on looks like a typical mechanism to avoid looking the mess he created, and accepting his responsibility.
    Don’t let him make you doubt yourself, and I would agree with the general advice of sticking to your guns.
    Good luck…x

  3. I don’t think that this is about love, money or concern for you at all. It’s about power.

    He seems to have lost some control in his personal home life and is now seeking to re-establish his authority in the only way he can, through bullying his younger sister into doing what he wants.
    You have an agreement, end of story. Tell him that.

    Good luck with this. x, I know how difficult it can be when it is a sibling causing the upset.

  4. Not sure about the price of love. But the price of falling out of love is enormous.

    As to your brother, I do believe you are right when you say, that in fact what you do will not change the way he feels about you or you about him, so stick with it.

    He is a big boy who I presume fully understood the nature of the agreement he was signing, so should now be a grown up and stick with it.

    • But it’s in situations like this that giving love and doing the unexpected may be the thing that actually makes him take a good hard look at himself.

      Of course it may not. If it doesn’t then I’ve lost nothing (except possibly a bit of money). If it does it might be a whole lot more fun for him as well as for me.

      Either way I give myself unconditional love.

      This is not easy!!!

      • You are letting what you know about how life coaching has helped you, colour your view on this. I doubt that anything you do will make him consider it. He will just have a smug, self satisfied smile and carry on regardless.

        You have love and concern for him, he seems to have no concern for you at all right now.

  5. Hi Caroline. I have been faithfully reading about your situation with your brother. I’ve tried not to have an opinion (not easy for me 🙂 ). Here goes–I can’t help thinking that your brother is avoiding what’s really going on in his life. He can’t face it so he’s created a scenario where he thinks he’s entitled to a little indignation. He’s made you a villain since, in his separation, he can’t make one of his wife. You’re his sister. You have to love him. You’re his scapegoat.

    I may be totally wrong. That’s just how it seems to me.

    • I know he’s lashing out at me! The problem I think is that in all his angst he’s got his Values all muddled up.

      Clearly Fairness is important to him. But Fairness to him is everyone getting exactly the same share of the cake always. Where actually Fairness in it’s truest form is perhaps giving a slightly larger slice to the one who is hungriest at that particular moment. So today it could be me and tomorrow him and the day after our other brother. He’s not seeing this.

      He’s also put Fairness above Love. So he’s confused and very very angry!!

      I’ve emailed him on Fairness and I’ve emailed him on What is Love. So far he’s raging and throwing it all back in my face. He’s doing this to himself. Sparked I know by my emails.

      I just think it’s sad to see him in such a horrid place. But he has to find his own way out. I remain loving. Finally I hope his unconscious brain will trigger a more fruitful approach out of his current place of being stuck.

  6. I suspect I am reading your posts out of order, so I know what happens. This is very insightful of you however, which should give you some kudos for yourself. The one who can see and grow is the fortunate one, no matter how much money is involved. 🙂

  7. In my personal experience and my work experience, love goes out the door when it comes to money, and so does fairness. Sometimes the amount can be so small, and at the same time the emotions are enormous.

    What was helpful to me was thinking that if I take the amount and divide it by the next 10 years, it seems too small to fret over. Obviously, I don’t know how much money you’re talking about, but I know that I stopped expecting other people to see things my way.

    • Hi Rachel

      The amount is indeed not huge hence the reason I bowed out! And no they were never going to see things as I did! Nevertheless it was bullying on a grand scale as we had signed a legal agreement – just so this type of situation could be avoided!!!

      Thank you for visiting

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