“Most people who come to therapy cannot follow good advice” (Madanes, Behind the one-way Mirror)
So, in my case, for ‘therapy’ read ‘coaching’!!
But I did in the end!!! Actually I did in the beginning too. There was just a middle bit where I got over stubborn!
I think many of us can often fail to follow good advice. The reasons are as diverse as the issues.
As head of IT at work I remind people not to store data locally on their PCs as this will not be backed up! And yet I’ve learnt, the hard way, over the last 8 weeks that by not backing up the data on my PC at home, I’ve lost all the photos I took last summer – right back to last May which was when I took the last back-up! Well done Caroline!
In cases as unemotional as backing up data it should be easy to follow good advice (even, in my case, my own!) but when emotions run high and you find yourself testing out your belief system then it becomes a whole lot harder!
This shines through in some of the blogs I follow. So many are grappling with the crippling problem of following what they know is good advice but are unable to take that step to actually doing it! I think, it could be, they lack the trigger.
As I’ve learnt through the coaching I’ve been through, and now through the multitude of books I’m reading, leverage is the key. Finding the trigger to actually make the change. To follow the lead being suggested.
As I learn and take my first steps into the coaching world, I find this unbelievably fascinating! Because from the Coach’s side of the equation the issue for them is finding the trigger. And then ‘firing the trigger’ so the client takes the step – often without realising they’re doing so! (as in my case with my 6ft and 30seconds moment). If Stephen had said ‘now we’re going to do an exercise which could change how you see you life’ I can guarantee it wouldn’t have worked! But I was so absorbed in the moment and by then feeling safe and secure in the coaching environment he’d created, that I even forgot I’d heard some of what he said before. (he had introduced the idea a couple of sessions before and abandoned it when he realised I wasn’t ready.). And no one was more surprised than me when I found myself having taken the step. The shift change within me was startling!
So maybe the ‘trick’ is to creep up on people unawares……… which sounds a bit like stalking (joke!)!! Seriously though it must be to create a situation where the mind is ready to accept something new – almost at a sub-conscious level.
Though how that would have solved my backing up issue remains a mystery!!