Who’d have thought!

Who’d have thought when I started this blog back in 2010 that almost 2 years on I’d be writing about all this stuff and pontificating on!!!

Well the great thing about this blog is it continues to grow!  Here I can test out my theories and get feedback and views and so learn!

I’ve gained a wonderful circle of readers some of whom comment to virtually every post.  I’ve lost some readers.  Some who commented all the time in the past and who now rarely appear.  Maybe they have issues going on in their lives which have taken them away, maybe they no longer feel drawn to my drivel!!

I’ve gained new readers, who now, for some inexplicable reason, find my blog fascinating!!

What I’ve learned recently, and I think finally understood, is we all have Needs.  Yes I know doh!  What’s new Caroline?

My top need is to be loved!  But, I think, I became over dependent on the need for Love.  To such a point that I would do almost anything to get it.  I was (and at moments still am) over needy for Love.(This is the problem that still occasionally attacks me at night and still runs around in the recesses of my mind  every day.  Which means I think about Alex way too often – ie ‘n’ x 10 per day!).  I lived in fear of not getting it.  Result I didn’t get it and the biggest ‘ouch’ moment of my life.

Amongst the many things I’ve learnt through my life coaching experience is to focus on other aspects of my life and so put my need for love in better perspective.

Clearly no two people are the same.  We all have different needs and need them to be met in different ways. But what happens when, like me, one need becomes too ‘needy’ if you follow me!  If it becomes so obsessive that we set a rule for the Need to be met that is almost impossible for anyone to actually succeed in meeting it?

By focusing on one need then maybe we create a tunnel vision and so fail to see what’s going on around us and also fail to see and understand the needs of those close to us.  Because everyone’s needs need to be respected!

I had a very interesting conversation at a dinner party last night where I ended up discussing needs, values and rules and how important they are, with two other women .  We all got caught up in the moment discussing “giving and getting” and what the difference is.  I watched and listened and embarked on a quiet, surreptitious bit of coaching!!  And no one minded!  In fact we all had a good time and both wished me luck with my new venture!

3 thoughts on “Who’d have thought!

  1. Hi Caroline,
    I love this post, and your subsequent epiphany! In fact it led me to one of my own. At first, I was in total agreement with you when you made the ‘Duh’ comment , of course we all have needs, but then you got to the heart of the matter and perhaps that is when I connected so very much with this post. It is the over-need that you experienced in love that really spoke to me. I, certainly, have been guilty of being overly needy of my partners love, and I think that perhaps the reason lies more in my lack of self love than an under expression on my partners side. That is not to say he has shown me enough I-don’t-know-what (respect?) lately, just that I still have work to do too.
    Thanks Caroline, as always your post was thoughtful and thought provoking.
    <>
    xoox – S.

  2. Sorry I can not claim to comment on every blog. As you are a predigious blogger.
    But I do read most of them.
    The need to be loved I can really relate to. And the things that I have been prepared to do just to get what I thought was live. Is terrible.
    I see it with what the Ex is now doing. As she is desperate to be loved.
    A great post

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