I wrote about this before last September! (Click) Since then life has taken on new meaning as I found a goal which hit my Green button with a bigger thump than I imagined was possible! No-one was more surprised than me when I found my Goal. As you know, dear reader to your cost, it has become somewhat all-consuming!
Having just re-read my September post I realise we all develop Survival Strategies to keep us feeling safe. Essential. But sometimes these strategies could be restricting us from living a life which is much greater, more passionate, fun and fulfilling than the one we have right now.
And I don’t mean we should all ditch the lives we got. That really could be “Throwing the baby out with the bath water!” but enhancing what we’ve got.
After all none of us were born with anything more than the basic set of Survival Strategies to ensure we actually don’t die. We add our own layers as we grow up. Built from what we learnt from our parents and those we come into contact with, how we were treated and past circumstances. And at various moments in our lives we’ve made key decisions which have led to who and how we are today. And sometimes these key decisions are made in moments of crisis.
But having made that decision and adopted a pattern of behaviour we encompass it into part of being us, even though, in many cases, it could now be obsolete!
My older brother, H, has developed a survival strategy that makes the Antarctic look warm!! Even his youngest daughter wishes he’d relax and ‘let his hair down!”. He teases without warmth. He has to be ‘right’. He has to be in Control. The result is he now runs his life in a way which excludes acts of love by those who love him. He seems unable to show any sign of vulnerability or warmth.
Alex ran (actually that almost needs to be dithered!) into the arms of another woman rather than rekindle and enhance what we had. Why? Well I can’t answer for him or be his judge. But I’m pretty sure I was not behaving in a way that enhanced the chances of us getting back together as I was using an out-moded survival strategy which should have been ditched a long time before. I just didn’t know I was doing it.
One of the most important things I learnt through the life coaching I went through is that there are other ways of being! Other ways of reacting and that being vulnerable and showing that vulnerability at the right time is, in fact, very powerful. After all, if nothing else, it gives the other person the chance to give, to show understanding, to love and protect.
Yes, with a passion, I wish I’d known all this a long time before. I wish both Alex and I had. But the past is the past. What is important now is that by understanding who I truly am, understanding my values and having improved the rules I apply to those values I hope and trust I’m in a position to give myself a far better Survival Strategy. (As long as I remember to concentrate on it and not backslide – which I occasionally do!!)
So in the spirit of survival which is this blog’s theme and title I ask you, dear reader, what do you think about your Survival Strategy? And is it giving you the life you truly want and desire? Or do you keep wishing for something more?