Passion doesn’t have to die

At least that’s what I believe. And I believe it totally.  In fact I believe it with a passion!

In the past 48hours 4 women have told me that after several years of marriage “You can’t expect the passion to remain”.  Why not?  That’s what I want to know.  Are they all giving up on keeping passion alive? And if so why?

Has ‘society’ instilled in us some low expectation of what a life-long partnership should be about? Do we have such low expectations of our relationships?  Or do we get too busy and miss paying attention to the most important part of life – our relationship with the person closest to us?

Is that why so many marriages fail these days?

And those that stay together, so many seem to be plodding through their emotional lives in a sort of fatalistic view that there isn’t any other option.  And no I don’t advocate throwing it all away and starting afresh.  I advocate finding out what each other’s needs really are, then adding a bit of fun at ‘working’ at the passion!

Why my early morning visit to the bluebell wood got me thinking about this I have no idea!!

 

11 thoughts on “Passion doesn’t have to die

  1. So many young marriages fail because they spend so much time on all the social networks and then texting, how can a person believe 100% in their partner.
    We are married 45 years because of trust.

  2. What makes a successful long lasting relationship?? Um..
    I’ve asked many couples who’ve made it past the forty year mark and no one has ever said passion. It is a shame, and I can see your reasoning, but it isn’t the bread and butter to how relationships grow and last.

    Like the gentleman above says ‘trust’ is a big component. I think that’s something we have lost in recent times. And I agree, to a certain point, that trust can be a little compromised when it’s so easy to lose it by modern technology. OK, a mobile phone (texting) isn’t the reason men or women run off and have affairs, but.. I don’t think they help. Maybe you could argue that porn on the internet doesn’t help relationships, but you can’t single handedly blame that either. If someone isn’t happy or is perfectly able of straying then, they will. It’s sort of natural.

    Most relationship longevity is based on (couples I’ve asked)
    – Both parties having their own life and freedom to do their own activities in a partnership.
    – Both parties having their needs met (it’s not going to last if one likes a physical relationship whereas the other one finds it tiresome)
    -Similar interests, hobbies, likes (both like gardening or antique collecting)
    -Honesty, faithfulness, companionship,maybe one earns more and the other likes that security. Maybe one earns more and can’t stand the other’s success and so leaves?
    Friendship, companionship, convenience, compatibility.. the comfort of coming home to something familiar.

    Passion? Not so sure? I find that term is mostly reserved for a couple just starting out. If you mean it in the terms as ‘a zest for life and outgoing personality…maybe to try new things’ I think those sort of feelings are perhaps pre-honeymoon period. Love, isn’t really the same, is it, as passion (passion is more lusty) whereas perhaps love is something more forgiving, solid and longer term. I know many men and women who have died shortly after their spouse because of the sheer grief and that they simply cannot live without them. That’s the sort of love I see for partners. If passion was a flame I’d imagine it being kind of dim then roaring, where love (as personified as a flame) would be more still and ever lasting..un-flickering and unwaving.

    I’m not saying though passion is non existent in long term partnerships. I once worked in a retirement home and walked into a room where an elderly couple were going at it hammer and nail. But I’m guessing that most couples as time goes on they find ‘release’ perhaps in other activities.. perhaps passion is something that isn’t as massively important to a couple in later years (I’m saying that with a little caution as I know sex isn’t just for the young!)

    If you want to believe it though (with a passion) then, who am I to judge? I’m just going on what I’ve been told by older couples who’ve been successful at lasting so long. They need an award!! :O)

    • Nicola, I find your list of ingredients interesting actually… As I try to assess my brand new relationship for its long term potential.
      So thanks.
      As for whether passion dies or not, I just don’t know. Wish it didn’t, but in practice, it’s so bloody hard to stay close, keep talking, stay energetic and passionate…
      We’ll see 🙂

      • Thank you. Well, Caroline is a life coach but I have nearly a life times experience with men to know how to stop heartache before it even begins.
        I don’t profess to be a ‘relationship expert’ but there’s so many pitfalls to dating and in new relationships it’s important to know what not to do and do.
        I won’t invade Caroline’s space, but my biggest piece of advice is:
        Never get too emotionally involved. Keep it light and fun. Keep your own life private until he’s revealed his.
        Limit your time down with him so you have more quality moments that he remembers. This is important. You want to keep a little mystery going too. Whatever his age is (because age is quite irrelevant with men) if you have slept with him early on, try and limit it from now on.
        You want to be challenging, patterless. Try not to be too routine.
        Also if you find yourself doing a lot of texting or calling.. try your best to knock that on its head. Try and get him to wonder and think about what you are up to. Let him be the one to ask questions and arrange dates for you..
        Keep your femininity, don’t pursue him. Act lady like around him. You don’t want to be dating one of your girlfriends he’s a man so let him be masculine and try not to critiscise him for being one. Example, try not to nag or put him down. Just always try and be light, non chalant and feminine. And keep sex as a treat after he’s done something good… and never before or else they just go distant and won’t come back for days (sometimes never!)
        Good luck, you have to play the rules and always be two steps ahead! :O)

        • PS: Find out exactly what page you’re both on – early on! If you’re after something longterm and he’s just after you know what (and believe me, that’s usually the case) you need to be clear from an early stage of what you would like in your future.
          Take the guess work out of your relationship and find out if he wants the same as you. Because believe me, it’s no fun finding out in four years time that he NEVER was on the same page, let alone even in the same book as you. But don’t ask straight out, and don’t frighten him.. because anything that resembles commitmentor you being crazy over heals in love with him will send him running for the neatest hill. But he will respect you and love your confidence if he knows you’re a woman with purpose and a goal. Thought I should add that aswell it’s important to get it right before investing your heart and soul into something which doesn’t mean anything whatsoever to him.

  3. PS In my opinion, I think most marriages end these days simply because
    A) It’s far easier and less sociably embarrassing for a man or woman to just walk out
    B) It wasn’t right and both parties didn’t start out right in the beginning.
    C) We live in a throw away society. No one “tries” anymore to make things work. If something doesn’t work – then – we just take the first thing that comes along and leave. It’s a social break down, and personally I think we’re all heading for disaster. Sad when no one says hello to each other in the street and a neighbour is a total stranger. That’s not how I was brought up and tomorrow’s generation are in for a bad time. It isn’t just passion that’s died…

  4. LOVE the picture! Passion often becomes comfort over the years, but this often happens when we get so caught up in the cares of life that we forget why we got together in the first place. Good post:)

  5. I think it’s about how you live your life. Think about people who have hobbies, or who love music, theatre, knitting, whatever it is. If you are passionate about something then you dedicate time and attention to it. I believe it is the same thing in marriage. If we are not careful we take so much for granted. I think of myself as a passionate lady and I need to express that. I might be cooking, but I do it with an inner passion. Passion is for sharing, in whatever you do. When Peter and I got married he wasn’t demonstrative – he is now! There is nothing like giving him a wink or blowing a kiss – I do this, and now he does too. Here’s to passion – in whatever form it comes. 😉

    • Yes, I definitely buy that. Whatever we focus our attention on we get more of. And if you don’t put the time and heart into something then, it has undoubtedly got to die. Simple rules of life there I think for everything. Well put! I understand that type of passion for a partnership, and it doesn’t have to be the ‘snogging each other’s face off’ type passion’ I suppose. Just a general lust of life and what you love. I’m passionate about bird watching and candles but I tend to keep it to myself 😀

  6. Stunning photos. Beautiful. And I agree with you that passion doesn’t have to die. It gets pretty difficult, though, when only one participant wants to keep it alive.

    I love Jacqui’s passion. Even her comments are full of passion. Thanks, J.

  7. I was reading a little bit of what your other readers had said before getting started on my own comment.

    What is with everyone? Passion isn’t just for the relationships starting out. My husband and I have been married for almost 22 years now and our relationship is da**** passionate. No, we aren’t always in the bedroom. Both my husband and I have health issues that limit that. However, our treatment of each other is always passionate. The kiss goodbye and the kiss hello is always passionate. Of course, we do love each other, respect each other, and we don’t take each other or our relationship for granted.

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