Years ago (and I do mean years) when I was living in London and feeling in need of more social life I joined a couple of dating agencies. In those days nothing was on-line. It was all very much off-line!
In those days you had to release your phone number and that would be your landline – no mobiles!. I had several dates! Some were hysterical.
The funniest was the man who asked to meet me outside the entrance to London Zoo. He told me, rather laboriously on the phone, that as he was a member of the zoo he could get him and me in for nothing! (Last of the big spenders then!). Anyway I rolled up at the appointed hour. I spotted him before he spotted me and had a burning ambition to run. I knew the moment I clapped eyes on this nerd walking towards me carrying a holdall that the outing was dead in the water before we even met.
Anyway in we went to the zoo!! He appeared somewhat tongue tied so I kicked things off with a cheery teasing dig of “Do you bring them all here then!!!”
Him (in a very flat matter-of-fact voice) “Yes.”
Somewhat dampened by this I struggled on. I discovered he was 42 (a good 12 years my senior) and – guess what – lived at home with his mother!
I discovered he was a tax inspector. He offered to inspect my taxes!!! A novel and somewhat direct approach I thought. But he didn’t see the innuendo. I declined the offer!
On we plodded. It started to drizzle! He put on a green cagoule anorak thing with a hood. This did not improve his appearance.
Then we reached the area of the Lions and Tigers.
He turned to me and in an earnest voice devoid of any humour or idea of double-meaning he said:
“Ah we’ve reached the pussies. I just love big pussies”
At this point I lost it.
Fortunately I spotted the Ladies loos and ran. Humour took over and I stood in this refuge crying and hooting with laughter. I couldn’t contain myself. I laughed until I wept.
It took some considerable time for me to recover as every time I thought about what he’d said I went off into shrieks of laughter all over again. I shared this gem with several other women – the effect from outside the ladies ‘rest room’ must have been somewhat alarming!
Finally I managed to pull myself together and re-appeared. He looked very bemused!
I made my excuses and made for the exit.