The big problem I had dear reader, and by that I mean the problem of creating a good new fun future for myself, was I kept talking myself out of it!
Every time I created a new future for myself, I’d then spend many unproductive hours talking myself out of it. I’d come up with more buts and excuses than anyone could possibly imagine.
Why? Well it could have been a lack of faith in myself. But more, I think, because I had a perverse pleasure in doing myself down and feeling sorry for myself! And a belief that there was someone out there who was going to bounce over the horizon and do all the doing for me! So the best thing was to rely on that rather than do anything myself!!
Talking myself out of ideas took a lot of energy and determination! Whilst creating fun futures didn’t! A lesson to be learnt there!!
Don’t get me wrong it doesn’t hurt to question. But (and a good but in this case!) It does hurt to destroy. I was, for a time, a good destroyer.
I’ve been having a potter round the blogs I follow and take an interest in! There are those who are going through similar very traumatic breakups. Some fairly new, some not. Some people are doing better than others at focusing on their futures. These things can take time.
Or maybe they don’t!
Personally I don’t believe telling people to “Let go” or “Move on” or “Stop thinking of the past” is very helpful as presumably they would have already done it if they knew how! Actually guiding people to new futures is what helps. How we all achieve that is a very personal thing. Some will surf the internet and get all they feel they need from there, some will talk it out in the pub with their friends – who will by and large probably only give them advice from their own perspective (which usually means they’re talking about their own issues from their own map of the world – which isn’t yours!). Some will do as I did and seek professional help.
A case of each to his own!
All I know is I discovered that change can be amazingly fast! In many cases not a case of weeks, more a case of days or even hours or even minutes!
Perhaps the tough bit is taking the steps to trust the process. To give oneself the freedom to explore and accept that there are other choices and allowing ourselves to take those choices on board and to find out what happens if we do. After all no-one can make anyone change! That desire and willingness has to come from within.
But what actually happens if we don’t. If we don’t we can continue to attempt to “Not think of a red telephone” (Not my quote – but a brilliant concept). We can continue doggedly to hang on to our own personal roundabout and hope that someone somewhere will eventually drag us off. We can continue to hope we will feel differently tomorrow and all the other myriad of daydreams that we are all capable of creating.
However, it’s down to each of us to jump. And jumping once you’ve talked yourself into doing so is only a matter of a split second.