A too amicable divorce!

That was and sometimes still is my problem.  My divorce was too amicable!  There were no shouting matches or angry words. There was no hatred.  There was an amazing amount of care, of laughter and of indecision.

We hugged masses. We cried together.  We talked  – but probably not enough.  He dithered!!  So much and so often!  The lovely mediator who we went to to finalise our finances would look at us in amazement and confusion after our sessions as we stood outside together chatting and smiling at each other.

When Alex came round to sort out his belongings (which he spun out over 18 months) he would also go and get  take-away meals and stay and chat well into the evening.  Yes he would ‘bolt’ when it was time to go and then he’d run from a more significant hug. No wonder I was confused.

It would have been so much easier to have got really angry – but I didn’t!  It would have been so much easier if he had been nasty – but he wasn’t!

It was the way it was.  We conducted ourselves with a strange kindness and care, masses of uncertainty and  confusion!

I will always believe that had we found Stephen earlier – and by that I mean before the OW came into our lives – we would have come through together  –  together and very happy.  It might have been a challenging ride but I believe worth it!!  We each had issues we  needed to address but neither of us realised what those were.  From what Alex said he discovered things about himself he didn’t know were there.  It was the same for me!

The legacy of all this kindness is perhaps harder to live with as we still get on so well!

Enjoy your day dear reader.  I’m off house hunting this morning as I learnt this week that my landlord has decided to sell my little rented cottage from under my feet – and not to me!  I need to give myself some security and certainty and that starts with having somewhere to live!

 

18 thoughts on “A too amicable divorce!

  1. This is just my thoughts to you —
    Because he ‘ran away’ from more meaningful hugs, it really does sound like he likes not being married. He seems to be one of those people who can’t let anyone at all get too close to him. He wants all relationships at an arm’s length away from him.

    Like I said, just my thoughts.

  2. I hear your pain Caroline. The if onlys must be almost unbearable…
    Good luck with the house hunting. shame yur landlord is so flaky, you’d made such a lovely little home! But you will do even better somewhere else… xx

  3. The pain has by and large gone which is good!

    As to the house what will be will be and maybe having more space would be good so it could be for the best

    Xx

  4. I have no doubt you will find your place. As for amicable divorce – I’m not your gal here – but I’m am inspired that people do strive for this. Alas it was not an option for me – or was it? You see what impact you have on me as my life coach! 😉

    • I think the options are there for us all! And who’s to say which ones are right and which ones aren’t. None of us are in a position to judge what others do or decide!!

      For us it was the way it was!

      My GP set the tone right at the beginning by giving me the quote

      “If you want revenge Dig Two Graves First”

      It applies to so much of life.

  5. Despite the pain, it sounds to me as if you are in a much better place with an amicable divorce. It leaves doors open to perhaps a new kind of relationship.

  6. I often believe that couple who say they never argued are either lying or not living their lives to the full.

    To not have arguments generally means that one of the parties involved has to suppress their true feelings. This is never healthy in the long run.

    Arguments are our natural pressure relief valve.

    The trick is to be able to do so in a constructive manner, well to be more realistic, not to do so in a destructive manner.

    The problem is that arguments often descend to a level where by the two parties simply want to hurt one another, and no good will come of that.

    I hope that you manage to resolve any inner turmoil you have left.

    As for the house, being a cash buyer, I hope you manage to secure a great deal on a perfect place for your self

    • I didn’t say we didn’t argue. We used to disagree at times but we hardly ever shouted at each other. And not at all during our break-up. Perhaps we should have argued more. But there wasn’t a lot we disagreed on!!

      Arguments are healthy, I agree. However, it takes a lot to make me resort to shouting and only when I’m really bullied or being treated with no respect. It is the way I am. I’ve never seen the point really!

      We are all different!!

      • To argue, does not necessarily mean to scream and shout.
        The break up seems all the more mysterious then, unless one or other party were really deeply suppressing their true self

        • It was very complicated and hinged on the death of Alex’s mother and lots of other stuff.

          I don’t know the full story but I know he sought help from various places.

          Finding his True Self was all part of it. I’m not too certain he has yet.

  7. Sad to read this in a way. As yousay there might have been another road, but whose to say. Good luck with the house hunting. Can’t imagine whyyour landlord won’t sell the house t you. what difference does it make who buys it as far as he’s concerened. Still, you have a new view to look forward to

    • The problem is the house I want to buy is tied to a shop and flat he also owns. He’s organising it to become ‘untied’ but also wants to get rid of everything (which I can’t afford) so is wavering between selling the whole lot as one unit or splitting it up………!!!!!

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