Finally I seem to be sleeping!

For the last 5 nights I’ve slept.  By that I mean I’m not up and bouncing around at anything between 3.00 and 5.00 am!

So how come now I’m finally getting a reasonable night’s sleep am I so tired and shattered.  It’s bizarre.  When I wasn’t sleeping I seemed to have so much energy.  Now I’m exhausted!

Is this just my body adjusting itself.  I don’t know!  No doubt time will tell.

This should be an Olympic sport…..

For consistently NOT sleeping!!

If so I beg to claim the Gold medal!   I appear to have turned Not Sleeping into a sport all of my own!   Either that or a new ‘art form’.  I am stupendous at it!!

And clearly BT feel I shouldn’t be awake as I couldn’t log on to the internet at 3.00am this morning, nor at 4.00!!  So I was thwarted in my desire to surf the net and generally make a nuisance of myself!!

I wasn’t even particularly unhappy!  Just AWAKE!!  Oh yes and cold!  Well once I got up and roamed around the house.

But the really clever bit – which earns me the medal – is the trick I have of falling back to sleep at about 5.15am – 30 minutes before my alarm goes off! 

Well at least I have my exciting evening of leaflet folding to look forward to!  My life is so packed with interesting and diverse activities!!

(BTW: It would appear our local newspaper is ‘coming off the fence’ as the front page today is all about the stadium concerns which is a great lead in to tomorrow’s leaflet campaign)

OOPS!

Sorry dear reader for the down moment.

Proves a point rather doesn’t it.  Drink is a depressant!  As my GP (doctor) told me it was.  Too many glasses of wine and I pour it all out.  But there again maybe it’s a good thing!   And clearly poetic!

And now it’s 4.00 am  YET AGAIN!   Which also proves a point.  Never mind what time I go to bed I wake up in the middle of the night.  Actually at my last house it was 3.00am – so I appear to have moved into a different time zone by moving one mile up the road!!

I was out at a dinner party last night – a 60th birthday do for the husband of my great friend.  A surprise party.   It was OK – though rather bizarrely  the guests were all her friends rather than his!  Including her hairdresser!!!   Bless her – I actually don’t think she realises she does this. To her we’re their friends – but actually we’re not.  We’re hers!  OK to a point – but there were none of his – and I’m sure he has some!!  Anyway he seemed happy.  It was only a small gathering.

And now it’s 5.00am and perhaps I’d better get some more sleep.  Less than 4 hours is not going to be good later on today!

Speak later!

4.00am is not a good time!

To be writing this.  But I am wide awake and wishing I wasn’t.

Somehow I need to shake off all this negativity which has been creeping around the edges of my mind.  I really do need to do something new.  The prospect of life carrying on as it is really isn’t that inviting.  And I know the only person who can change it is me.

Focus on pleasure not the pain.  Think lovely thoughts!  Enjoy what I have!

It just doesn’t seem to be working at the moment.  I think the novelty of moving has rather worn off!

Work is work – not that challenging or exciting.  And home is home – challenging in a rather lonely, negative way and not that exciting!

And short of standing in the local High Street and shouting “Here I am come and get me”   – which might not quite give the result I’m looking for (!) – I am rather stuck on ideas to make my life fun and enjoyable and to feel loved (which is rather what I thought Alex was for!!  But has turned out not to be the case!)

I’m definitely having a Stuck at Ground Level  moment

It’s either no sleep or dreadful dreams

My mind is being unkind!!

Either I don’t sleep – which is bad news OR

I dream – dreadful unsettling dreams – which is bad news!!  Great!  I so love night times!!

Last night I dreamt Alex and I were climbing a mountain through a forest.  Lots of trees in our way and the path was very wet and slippery. For some reason we parted at one point and then spent  a lot of time searching for each other.  Occasionally we met up (good grief this is bearing a great resemblance to reality!)  – but each time we did Alex kept telling me he’d been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (I have no idea where that came from – dreams can really be odd!) and so wasn’t capable of climbing the mountain or showing emotion.

This is all very well but I don’t exactly feel refreshed from a good night’s sleep.

And I am getting more excercise – I walked quite a bit in London on Saturday – OK I didn’t do much on Sunday but then it was freezing cold (that’s my excuse!).  OK , OK – I need to do more and get fitter – I do know that!  But I wasn’t going out cycling when it’s all icy – I sort of don’t need (or should that be “Kneed”) to do myself any more damage!

My Alexometer has been hovering around 2.00 – 3.00 for the last few days.  Which is OK.  It does go down on occasions when I just want to tell him to go to hell. 

And yes I will admit to a Sunday evening dip when  the Alexometer shot up briefly and I wished Alex was back – and no I don’t know what triggered it.  It just happened.