Update – March 2015

I see my blog continues to get a readership so I thought I’d just post a short update.

I’m now working for myself doing what I totally love.  It absorbs me completely and is the best job on the planet as far as I’m concerned!!  I’ve concentrated my efforts and training on helping  and coaching couples with marital problems.

I think going through what I went through has helped me empathise with my clients and given me an insight which helps me do the job I do. Stephen continues to take an interest in my business and generally keeps in touch – which is lovely.

On the social front I’ve done some travelling and I’m doing more this summer and autumn.

Alex married ‘the other woman’ last summer – I always said she’d nail him!!  She was determined to get him – and get a ring on her finger – so she has succeeded!!  Oddly he still keeps in touch with me – once in a while!!

Anyway, life for me is good and all I need now is to find someone who will cherish and protect me and be my partner in my future.  So I’ve taken the plunge again and joined yet another dating site!!

I hope all my blogland friends are thriving.

To those who have just suffered the horror of a break-up, all I can say is you can come through and there is a future which will be fulfilling.

Remember the future is a blank canvas-yours to paint, draw and create…….


My Life Coaching experience with Stephen Hedger

Those of you who used to visit this blog on a regular basis know my story and  what I went through and the help and guidance I received through my life coach – Stephen Hedger.  To those who don’t – well it’s all here!!   A long read but I think some of the pages and posts are helpful!

I stopped blogging on a regular basis last May (2012) as this blog had served its purpose!

However, I’ve noticed recently that a great many people end up here as they’ve used his name as a search term.  To help you find out how he helped me and the input I received from him here on this blog I’ve now created a ‘Stephen Hedger’ category.

I did not tell Stephen about this site for quite a while and then only allowed him to view but not comment!  It was important to me to feel I could say anything here and not feel restricted or constrained about anything.  He was very supportive of what I was doing and would telephone me when he saw me taking a dip.  Soon it became clear that his advice to me would also help so many others so I invited him to comment when he saw fit.  The result has been so useful to so many.  All the way through Stephen respected this space and commented with immense understanding.

To anyone considering seeking help from him, all I can say is I thoroughly recommend you do!

Good luck with whatever problem or issue you have


The future of our futures

LFBA has just written a post on the Future of our Past and it got me thinking.

We can’t rekindle the past. We may mourn the loss of what we had and what we were envisaging it would give us going forward but we have our memories – the good and the not-so-good, the amazing shared times and all the others in-between –  and no one can take those away.

Drawing a line and looking forward and never back is difficult, in fact tougher than anything I personally have ever faced in my life to-date.

My internal dialogue can trip me up when I least expect it or want it to and I can find myself running off down yet another dead-end lane of sadness, distress and confusion.

But creating a brighter future with the future I now face is better than sticking to the thoughts of what might have been….. if only…………………

I know I still sabotage myself more frequently than I would wish!  Ideally I wouldn’t do this at all! But I recognise I do.  So much so that I’ve booked another session with Stephen!  I now know, because I’ve learnt, what I need to do.  I even have a strong clue on how to do it.  I just need a coach to watch over me and guide me whilst I do!  To push me on when I may baulk at the process.

And I’m going to do this as I  know, emphatically,  I don’t want to be looking at me ‘n’ years down the road and wishing I hadn’t wasted those precious years of my life in a hopeless circle of the  “what could have beens”.

So next Saturday I’m going to have a fun 2 hours giving myself another nudge forward!  And anyway I also want to discuss coaching techniques with him. The learning process never ends – which is what’s such fun!

Rubbish in, Rubbish Out!

Many, many years ago when I was training as a computer programmer we were constantly reminded of this phrase!  Don’t blame the systems!  If you programme rubbish, rubbish is what you’ll get back!

Applies to life though doesn’t it!!

I will admit I’ve been sneakily feeding myself some rubbish recently!  Not, I hasten to add, with reference to my Life Coaching Goal in that I’m totally committed to the training and thoroughly enjoying learning!!

But more to do with me, my belief in myself and my wish to have a new relationship, succeed in giving myself a stunning new life, in being really happy and being financially secure!!

I was having moments of doubt, so feeding myself more rubbish!  And rubbish is what I’ve been getting back!!

I’ve NOT been doing a great many things!

I’ve not been entering photos in the camera club competitions – so not getting any points – so deciding I’m no good!!

I’ve not been hunting down any dates on the 2 internet dating sites I’m on so have decided no-one wants to meet me

There’s more – but I’ll spare you, dear reader!!

The ever watchful Stephen has been keeping a weather eye on my blog and suggesting I might care to give myself better chances!!  He is, of course, (and slightly irritatingly!!) quite right!

Today’s blog post from him is a timely reminderAnd I really do urge you all to read it. It’s very important – especially to any one, like me, who wants more than they’ve currently got in any area of their life.

I’m sure I’m not alone in feeding myself ‘rubbish’.  I believe hope even really successful people have moments of inflicting themselves with these negative perceptions.  I just hope that the difference is that the successful people spot the signs fast and then take positive action.  And as I’m determined to be successful I need to join that group and take action fast!

So all I would say, dear reader, if you’ve reached this paragraph, is to remember the adage “Rubbish in, rubbish out”  and do the opposite!!

What do you think?

And like all good exam questions I’d now like you to


Target of the Sales Pitch!

I’m used to this at work and ignore all of them!   I know what I need.  I know what I don’t need and  I know when I’m being conned!  In fact I feel sorry for the cold callers who have to suffer my chirpy, negative responses to their calls (if they actually manage to infiltrate themselves past my Receptionist!).

My dilemma at the moment is what should I do next once I’ve completed my NLP Practitioners’ Course in March.

As I’ve been making enquiries around I am getting ‘offers’ for courses. The “Don’t miss this fantastic chance”, “Sign up now for a discount” etc.

I am well aware that NLP is not the be all and end all of becoming a coach.  I’ll need other tools, in fact as many tools as I can get.

So do I go for:

  •  Ericksonian Hypnosis – a 4 day course,
  • The just offered Strategic Intervention Course with its masses of bonuses, one-to-one calls, discounts  and special offers  all conducted on-line, Very tempting!  But a fairly hefty investment
  • a Thinking Environment Course,
  • EFT………


The trouble is I want to know it all.  I want to know it all NOW and I wish I could wake up one morning and find I do!!

Don’t get me wrong I’m enjoying the reading and the learning.  It’s just all these courses look very appealing.   Some are asking for instant sign up.  And I have no idea what to do next. And because I don’t know enough I don’t know if I’m being lured in by a sales pitch which is full of razamataz and not worth the cost.

And you, dear reader, probably can’t help me!!

Doing what feels right for me is OK – up to a point!!  All the above feel right. But just because they feel right, as in topics, doesn’t mean what’s being offered is the right way to learn!!

I have a sum in my mind that I’ve allocated to my training, and I can afford all the above (just) but that doesn’t mean they all could be giving me the best route and the best results!

Growth with a capital G

Growth – currently my second most important Value. After Love!  Though whether this is the right way round or not I still ponder over!!

Anyway when your Values are in order and you’re living by them then Growth happens.  Or it should do, I think!  Personal Growth.  Spiritual Growth (and by that I don’t mean Religious – well for me it doesn’t).   It means Growth within oneself!

Humans need Growth I believe or life becomes stale.  I believe Relationships need to Grow to remain passionate – which I presume is what those in relationships want!  And those of us not in relationships quite fancy!

I nearly missed out on Growth this week!  In fact if I’m brutally honest (which I usually am here) I probably wasn’t the best I could have been with my “hanging on to Significance, Cordiality and Fairness” brothers!  But at the 11th hour – thanks to some Strategic Intervention – I rescued Growth and it’s given me a little buzz and tingle in my tummy!!  (OK  that sounds as though I’ve finally flipped – but that’s where the feeling is!! – and no raised eyebrow suggestions please!!!)

Sometimes to experience Growth perhaps one needs to do something which initially feels totally alien. Which I might add it did!

But climbing out of the “communal playpen of cross 2 year olds” was quite empowering!  Slightly expensive!  But nonetheless empowering!