this page should really appear under Life Coaching but these moments have been so important I’ve given the page it’s own importance!
6 Feet and 30 Seconds
The answer – in a slightly shortened form!
This happened at the beginning of October 2010 when my life coach was trying to get me to change my outlook on how I saw my life.
It happened on session No 5 (they’re 2 hrs a session). A particularly emotional session – which had me crying a lot.
He asked me to stand up and really concentrate on what my life was like and how I saw it.
He then wrote NOW on a piece of paper and asked me to stand on it.
He then asked me to think how Alex had cheated and lied and shown no respect and how I couldn’t believe how this man who I love to the bottom of my heart could do this to me.
But he also made me think about how I woke each morning and wished I hadn’t and how I saw my life carrying on as one of misery and loneliness and how I believed no one would ever love me again and how I’d be on my own for the rest of my life.
He then said “Look Up”
“Look at the wall in front of you but imagine, if you can, that it’s more than a blank wall, Imagine it’s, say, a billboard but with no poster on it. In fact imagine you are outside and this blank white space fills your entire field of vision – from the sky to the ground and side to side.
Caroline – this is your future. On this you can build, draw, paint whatever you want. You can have what ever you want to have, you can do whatever you want to do, you can be whoever you want to be – so what do you want to do?”
I said “I don’t know!”
He then said “Well do you want to be happy? Do you want to have fun?”
And – fairly quickly – he got me to build my future as one in which I was happy, had fun, laughed, giggled, buzzed, went on holiday, took up hobbies. He asked me to bring in my friends and add them to my blank canvas. He asked me to think what I wanted from my friends – not what they wanted from me. “It’s your future Caroline – not theirs”. So I said I wanted one where my friends all wanted to see me because they wanted me to be there, not because they felt sorry for me but because I can be guaranteed to fill any gap in conversation, because I am funny, I do get over passionate about things I believe in ……. (He wouldn’t let me bring Alex into this created future because – as he said – this is a fun place and Alex is being miserable!)
He made me do the building, by speaking it out and really making me create a fun place where I dressed outrageously, people laughed at my jokes – even when they weren’t funny! And generally buzzed. I did all the things I wanted to do – with absolutely no limitations to any ideas, I had great holidays, I had the best job in the world…….
He then stopped me and took another piece of paper and wrote “FUTURE” on it and put it on the floor and asked me to stand on it.
Then he said:
“So if this happy, fun place was your future – how would you feel?”
and I said “It would be great – but I have a problem”
“No you don’t” he said – and he picked up the piece of paper which had NOW on it, turned it over and wrote “PAST” on it and put it back on the floor and asked me to look at it.
“If all the horror was there in PAST how would that feel” he asked.
And I replied “that would be great but I still have a problem”
“No you don’t” he said “Give me the one you are standing on – the one called FUTURE”
So I gave him FUTURE. He turned it over and he wrote NOW on it and put it back on the ground and asked me to stand on it.
“So Caroline – how does it feel if you are now standing in NOW – and it’s OK – it’s safe – because it’s still FUTURE”
And I said “It would be great if it really was like this” and he said “But it is – you are standing in it”
And it was like a switch in my head – it was the moment I shot out of my Chilean Mine like a champagne cork!
For the next 2 weeks all I could do was giggle and laugh – I was like a 10 year old. I behaved like a 10 year old! And if you read the posts around that time you will see they reflect that.
And the 6 ft and 30 seconds – well:
6 feet was the distance between the 2 pieces of paper on the floor which I had to walk between from the miserable future I had created in my mind to the fun one I had created
and the 30 seconds was the time it took me to decide to walk across the room!!!
As he pointed out – the road to happiness wasn’t a long one – it was only 6 feet and 30 seconds!
Eureka Moment No 2
This happened in mid December 2010.
It had become increasingly clear – apparently – to my Life Coach that there was some reason I couldn’t “let go” and grab my new future with both hands. I’d proved in September that I could create this future and that I could, if somewhat briefly, really live the way I wanted to, but something was continually pulling me back.
All I knew was despite how I’d been treated, I just didn’t want to accept and believe that all this was happening and I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was where I felt safe, secure, cared for and loved. And that I’d do anything to hang on to that.
You can read what happened by reading the posts around this one: The moment I admitted what happened to me