Just over a year ago when I started this blog I made a promise. In that first real post on 6 April (click) I not only promised I would be 100% honest on here, I made a promise I would find a route through.
The point is I promised this to ME. And having promised myself I knew I couldn’t break that promise. It was unbreakable. I had to stick to it regardless of how I felt, or how tough things got, because if I didn’t I would have failed myself.
There have been several occasions when the wish to give up has been so tempting. But my promise to me kept me going. That and the help I was getting.
Yesterday afternoon B rang me and said he would stick to his promise to me to work at his marriage. I told him his promise to me wasn’t the point – he needed to promise himself.
That’s the Real Promise. The one from which there is no escape. The one that is the hardest one to break, and the one which we all need to make when faced with tough times. The one we have to make to be totally committed to change, to face problems, to commit – you name it, it has to be there. Anything less doesn’t work. If we don’t then it’s too easy to cop out and give up when it all seems to be getting a bit too much – a bit difficult. When we feel we’re not getting what we deserve. Or when something else looks rather tempting.
Perhaps the marriage vows should be changed from:
“Do you promise to love her/him…..” to
“Do you promise yourself you will love her/him…….”
So my “Aphorism for today” is:
Until you can promise yourself you will never truly succeed.
“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. ”
— Christian D Larson
And that’s what’s so easy to lose. When the person you believed would be there for you come what may, the person you loved – your best friend – your soul mate – suddenly walks away, inevitably you question your belief in yourself.
That’s what I did. The trauma rocked and destroyed the very foundations of my being. My belief in myself.
I questioned everything about myself and, in my depressed state, found myself wanting. I had failed and I had failed big time. It was completely my fault. I may not have cheated, as he had done, but I must have driven him to do all these terrible things. How else could this wonderful, gentle, kind, loving, honest man have changed into someone I almost didn’t recognise.
Then, because he kept dithering and saying he was coming back, I re-affirmed these beliefs. I convinced myself I was worthless and un-loveable. I must be – why else would the very sight of me cause this man to run. I lost – totally – any belief in myself.
And because one member of my family has always made me feel a failure – either by (hopefully inadvertently) denying my existence to his friends – or by frequently putting me down, my whole sub-conscious belief in my worthlessness was confirmed.
Then of course there was the fact that I was sexually assaulted at the age of 15 – which I’d also managed to convince myself was my fault!!! Wow – have I been doing well on ‘doing myself down’!!
So whereas I’ve always thought – at a conscious level – I loved and believed in myself – my sub-conscious was contradicting my edited version and fighting. Hence being stuck.
This is what I discovered this week at my Life Coaching session.
To find that the ‘obstacle’ I had to overcome was one I had created within me is a tough thing to face and then to deal with. But actually overcoming it will free me beyond my wildest dreams. Because freeing myself – from barriers I had created within me – will mean I won’t just fly – I’ll soar! (Sorry for all the flying references – but I am a glider pilot – so flying and soaring are part of me!!)
Now I know where the barrier is, what it is, and why, it’s becoming easier to deal with. I’m not there yet. But at least now I feel I’m on my way. My sub-conscious self still tries to drag me back (it did last night – big time) – but now I know where the fight is I can fight on the right battle front.
So the quote I found this morning is vital:
“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. “
What wonderful quotes from this man. I’d never heard of him until yesterday. I’ve now googled him and here are some of his quotes/aphorisms which “do it for me!”:
“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”
“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
“Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star…”
“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”
“Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.”
“Your homecoming will be my homecoming”
This appears in “Tuesdays with Morrie” a book I continue to read and recommend to all.
I’ve added this following quote to my Aphorisms page:
“Imagine there’s a bird on your shoulder and every day you ask it:
Is today the day that I die?
Am I ready?
Am I living the life I want to live?
Am I being the person I want to be?
Never do work that uses, hurts or degrades people.
Never make money off the sweat and pain of others. The tension of opposites. We learn from what hurts us, as much as what loves us.”
- It’s not to late to… ask yourself if you really are the person you want to be, and if not, who you do want to be.
- It’s not too late to develop new friendships or reconnect with people.