Blogging Etiquette!!

Good morning, dear readers.

I have had to take a sad step with my blog today.  I have had to take the step of moderating all comments before they become public.  This has been a hard decision to take and not one I have taken lightly.  But due to some extremely inappropriate and malicious commenting by one reader I’ve had no option.

I created this blog initially to give me the place where I could ‘write out’ my thoughts,  feelings and emotions.  A place where I had the freedom to say what I liked.  I then discovered I could help others going through the same traumas. Then various other readers have come along as they enjoy reading my ramblings on various topics.

What I will not allow this blog to become is a platform for others to air their ill-formed and malicious views.  Clearly this particular reader has their own issues to deal with.  Being amazingly rude on the pages of my blog is not the place to sort them out!

Don’t get me wrong,  I am quite happy to read differing points of view providing they are said respectfully  and we can have a mature debate on the subject.  This has, in fact, happened on several occasions and been useful for those following those debates!

Respect for a person’s space and their views on life is what I’ve always adhered to.  If I read a blog which I don’t necessarily agree with or I don’t feel I can add something constructive or cheerful to then I don’t comment.  It would be rude to do so!!

As I say it’s only been one reader, and she will know all too well who she is as I’ve removed her two comments this morning. The conversation was going nowhere and was bringing the ethos of this blog into question.

Hopefully in a few weeks I can return it to the freedom it had before!

To all my other lovely readers I say “Keep smiling” !  I do love your comments and your visits here.  I should add your comments will be published once I’ve approved them!!

Have a lovely Saturday

Why Blog?

So why do bloggers blog and what do we expect / hope from our readers?

The reasons we all blog are as diverse and as many as those on the planet!

So how do I react to comments?

Well I love comments even if some challenge my view, my behaviour, my actions.  And the securer I become the more I welcome the challenges.  Why? Because it gives me the opportunity to challenge myself and how I truly feel.  This isn’t the reason I started my blog but it’s been a great bonus – one that I didn’t expect!

If a challenging comment makes me feel defensive or angry then these days I ponder on why.  Has someone unintentionally touched a raw nerve and if so why is the nerve still raw!

Some commenters have, occasionally, told me how to think!  Well none of us are in a position to tell others how or what to think or to judge us!  But it’s always interesting to get someonelse’s take on a topic or idea, thought or action

So making one’s blog public comes at a price!  There is no such thing as a free lunch!  By inviting comments sometimes we might not like what someone writes but for me it’s a price worth paying!  Because although occasionally I’ve had the odd comment that has made me spit it has also made me think hard about how I come across to other people and to question my actions, motives, whatever.

And  then I’ve also gained a large community of friends who I otherwise wouldn’t have and that is very special to me.  You’ve given me incredible support and encouragement, dear reader.  I’ve been humbled by it all and appreciate it no end.

So blog on everyone!  I’m going to!

Blog Titles – are they hindering us?

My relentless studying is giving me masses to think about.  How the brain will react to the tiniest, almost insignificant, word.  How we can so easily end up giving ourselves the wrong or right outcome just by changing the words we use.

This is what I mean:

I’ve set myself my goal:  To become a life coach.

I can ask myself two types of question:

1)  How will I feel if I’ve achieved it?
2)  How will I feel when I’ve achieved it?

Two questions so similar – after all there’s only one word which is different.  But that one word change makes a huge difference to how I feel.  Question One leaves me with a feeling of doubt.  A feeling that I’m going to have to struggle to get there and might not make it.  Question Two makes me feel amazing.  A feeling that I’m going to enjoy the ‘journey’ and that when I get there I’m going to feel even more amazing.

So that got me thinking.  How often do we inadvertently give ourselves the wrong message?  Most of the readers I get here have their own blogs.  Many of them are going through challenging times, similar to mine.  Many of us get stuck and find unsticking really difficult.

Small steps forward are definitely the order of the day.  But dear reader without realising it do even our blog titles give us the wrong message.

So my challenge to you all today is: Look at the title of your blog and ask yourself:

“Am I giving myself the best possible chance to ensure I will achieve my ultimate goal? Or without really realising it am I  feeding myself a stuck message?”:

Think about it!  Does your blog title portray a fantastic forward looking goal or does it give……

A backward looking message, a negative message, a lonely message, a poor me message, a lost message, an angry message ………??

My intention when I started my blog was to get out of my hole – my Chilean Mine! To Survive!  And survival to me meant real, amazing happiness.  I’ve found it a million times more difficult than I thought I would!  But my intention was and is to end up happy, which I hope in part is yours too.

So dear reader if you’ve got this far and not gone off in a rage of How dare she suggest such a thing, how about giving this a thought!

And then maybe doing something about it!!!!

Hugs to you all!


Call to Action: Make your blog ipad friendly!

You never know what’s going on in WordPress – well you don’t if you’re me!

I just blog away thinking everyone’s seeing my blog as I see it! Wrong!!

Apparently if you read my “words of wisdom(!)” via a mobile, ipad or other tablet device (you lucky soul if you own an ipad!) then you won’t – until now – have been getting the full benefit of my finely honed blog theme! All that effort with my widgets and banners will have missed you completely!

Now I take no credit for finding the solution for this at all! Oh no dear reader. But via a link from one of my other blogging buddies I have been given the solution.

Here it is: I encourage you to spread the word. By the way the instructions are very easy to follow:
Kana’s Notebook

Imploding or Exploding?

Everyone reacts differently and in different degrees when pitchforked into a new reality they didn’t want and  they didn’t see coming.

I wonder which is the more challenging for the LC to deal with?

The Exploder who needs to deal with their anger, wish for vengence…….  or the imploder who needs to want to start living again?

Little did I realise a year ago that I had such a long way to go!  Clearly I had much more to unearth than I realised, much more to face, much more to deal with, so much to learn and much, much more to come to terms with.

Amazing to think a year ago I thought I knew all the answers to my problems  and my only problem was  I just didn’t know how to action them!  Wrong!!!

But what is even more stunning is I didn’t know how much I didn’t know!!  And for most of this last year I have put up an amazing resistance to learning!!  Yesterday as I watched the debate on my blog  I suddenly realised I have actually learnt a great deal.

Now I can’t believe I erected such a strong barricade against changing the way I think and understanding me.  I smile at how confused I was with Stephen’s coaching – and how he kept telling me confusion was Good! (don’t get me wrong I still get lots of moments of confusion – but now I realise they are good and that I may be about to understand something new and helpful)

But if I could do that – and I wanted to get out of the hole I’d imploded into – how much harder must it be for the likes of Alex who have had their beliefs so entrenched as a life-long, survival mechanism that to change them is almost to redesign themselves. Very Scary.  I’m not condoning what he did.  But maybe I’m beginning to understand why.  And the why doesn’t have a great deal to do with me.  Yes I unwittingly played my part.  I accept 100% my involvement.  But perhaps what happened had to happen.  Maybe there really was an inevitability about it.  But despite the inevitability of the initial meltdown there didn’t have to be this long-term solution,  the path he chose to take (at least I don’t think so). But I can’t do anything about that.

So the version of me I’m now running is the compassionate and caring me.  Compassion for Alex but really focused on me and giving myself care and compassion.  Don’t get me wrong there is a whole mass of sadness at what we have irretrievably lost but I’m nurturing me into my new future.  Why?  Because I have no other choice.

Why this version of me. Because for me it seems right.  I can’t be vengeful, I can’t be bitter, I can’t spend my life being angry.  Because if I do I will be the one who loses.  And that’s not what I want.

Some days a blog post ‘runs’!

This is the thing I love about blogging.  I write for myself and myself alone.  From the heart!  From a moment of amusement! Whatever! And – as I promised myself when I started this –  with 100% raw honesty!

I find it fascinating the responses I get.  I’ll post something on one day and the post will be taken on board and get a few responses and then on another, something I might say as a passing, almost fleeting, thought will spark an interest in one reader and then another and a mini discussion / debate kicks off.  Which is great.  I look on these days as bonuses as the feedback is stupendous, fascinating to read, and so useful.

So it has been with yesterday’s post “Why isn’t today Wednesday” – where a discussion on the meaning of Love is now running.  It would be great if it continues today as the more views the better – in my opinion.  So important for all of us going through the re-evaluation of our lives, making sense of our feelings and emotions and finding our route to wherever we are wishing to go.

I am going out for the day to the Bird Watching Fair at Rutland Water – a long drive (but I’m good at those!) as I want to treat myself to a wander round all the stands – and I can escape being a ‘sitting duck’ for “B” should he suddenly decide I’m an ‘easy target’!! (Note – the bird reference!!)

I’ll update you, my valued reader, later!