I shall be carrying a pineapple!

Or more stories from my earlier dating experiences!

Back then – ah those heady days when the dating organisations never dished out anything as sensible as a photo – you’d roll up at the rendezvous with not a single clue on who the hell you were looking for!

I always had a burning ambition to say I’d carry a pineapple and wear something distinctive. What the hell I’d have done with the pineapple after, as it were, being located, I’ve no idea!  I suppose we could have always eaten it!  A sort of ice-breaker moment!

One dating agency kindly suggested I dated a cousin of mine who was also on their books – despite both of us telling them we were related!  Actually he had a lot more success than me as he met his future wife through it (and they’re still happily together!).  So I do know it can work!

There was the guy who told me he’d just been released from a mental hospital!  Not a good moment!  The one who told me over coffee one Saturday morning that he was into guns – just after there had been a horrendous shooting incident not very far away when a mother and her children had been killed!  I left both of those in what can only be described as a hurry!  But there were some genuinely lovely dates who treated me well, and took me on great evenings out – one even got me a job where he worked!  It’s just I didn’t really fancy any of them!!

So for now I await to be chased and until then I shall remain chaste!  And eat pineapple!

Treating it as a game!

Years ago (and I do mean years) when I was living in London and feeling in need of more social life I joined a couple of dating agencies.  In those days nothing was on-line. It was all very much off-line!

In those days you had to release your phone number and that would be your landline – no mobiles!.  I had several dates!  Some were hysterical.

The funniest was the man who asked to meet me outside the entrance to London Zoo.  He told me, rather laboriously on the phone, that as he was a member of the zoo he could get him and me in for nothing!  (Last of the big spenders then!).  Anyway I rolled up at the appointed hour.  I spotted him before he spotted me and had a burning ambition to run.  I knew the moment I clapped eyes on this nerd walking towards me carrying a holdall that the outing was dead in the water before we even met.

Anyway in we went to the zoo!! He appeared somewhat tongue tied so I kicked things off with a  cheery teasing dig of “Do you bring them all here then!!!”

Him (in a very flat matter-of-fact voice)  “Yes.”

Somewhat dampened by this I struggled on. I discovered he was 42 (a good 12 years my senior) and – guess what – lived at home with his mother!

I discovered he was a tax inspector.  He offered to inspect my taxes!!!  A novel and somewhat direct approach I thought.  But he didn’t see the innuendo.  I declined the offer!

On we plodded.  It started to drizzle!   He put on a green cagoule anorak thing with a hood.  This did not improve his appearance.

Then we reached the area of the Lions and Tigers.

He turned to me and in an earnest voice devoid of any humour or idea of double-meaning he said:

“Ah we’ve reached the pussies.  I just love big pussies”

At this point I lost it.

Fortunately I spotted the Ladies loos and ran.  Humour took over and I stood in this refuge crying and hooting with laughter.  I couldn’t contain myself.  I laughed until I wept.

It took some considerable time for me to recover as every time I thought about what he’d said I went off into shrieks of laughter all over again.  I shared this gem with several other women – the effect from outside the ladies ‘rest room’ must have been somewhat alarming!

Finally I managed to pull myself together and re-appeared.  He looked very bemused!

I made my excuses and made for the exit.

A year makes all the difference!

A year ago (just about) I went out on a date.  I had  lots of expectations – all of which were dashed!  The individual a “Mr Friday” if I recall was not blessed with many social graces! (click to find out!).  I’ve seen the funny side of the encounter ever since  – but dates since then have been thin on the ground.  In fact, dear reader, non-existent!

Well enough is enough!  I logged on to one of the sites I seem to be subscribed to and decided to be a bit more pro-active.  I emailed a few ‘likely’ men and one has replied.  We exchanged a few messages at the weekend and spoke on the phone on Sunday evening.  We may meet next weekend!  During the day this time!

I have to say I’m not that convinced about this particular specimen of the human race as he hasn’t bothered to message me since our phone call since Sunday and as I was the one that phoned him (I’m not releasing my phone no. just to any stranger!) I’m not that impressed!

So whereas a year ago my expectations were high and I so wanted the whole thing to pan out brilliantly, now, a year later, I find I’m just mildly curious to meet this man.  If he’s nice I may like to see him again.  I’ll see!

What I seem to have finally got rid of is carrying around all my ‘baggage’ from my divorce.  Yes I still miss Alex (rather more than I’d wish)  but I have a new confidence in me that’s saying  I’m fine on my own until the right person turns up.

I’m probably not putting this very well.  But I know what I mean.  It’s sort of feeling more in charge of me and a feeling that I don’t need to be reliant on anyone else to make me feel safe any more.  I can do that for myself.

Yes, I still feel lonely and I really don’t like being on my own but I can wait and it’s OK.

I’ve fallen in love…

Well that hopefully got your attention dear reader.  I wish I could say I’d fallen in love with a lovely sexy man who had fallen for me!!  Not the case!  And at this rate that looks a long way off – given the total failure of the 2 internet dating sites I’m currently on.  I think it’s an age thing!  Other people seem to get dates all the time – but they’re all younger than me!!  I don’t even get any messages!  Which is somewhat sad and marginally distressing!

So for now I’ve fallen in love with all my text books!  I have a reading list which is somewhat lengthy!  And I want to get through most of it by the time I reach the 2 week course in March. The other thing I have to do is negotiate myself into some decent accommodation that isn’t going to bankrupt me!

So for now I appear to be in love with the printed word.

Roll on the day when some super male discovers me!!