Why living by my values matters

My values matter because when I don’t live by them I spiral downhill. 

The fury abated in the end last night and  – with nothing better to do – I set off down the hurt route!!!   Blimey!   That was clever and so energising and enlivening I was exhausted by 9.00pm!!

I allowed myself to really ‘enjoy’ (more heavy sarcasm here) the evening.  I ‘ran’ my ‘figure of eight’ – several times last night, and again this morning.  At least this morning I chose the positive exit rather than the negative one I went down yesterday! 

So where do my Values come into all this. Well last night I didn’t live by them.  Let me explain.

My Default list is:

Growth – what I was doing last night was in no way growth orientated
Love – I didn’t love myself
Courage – I wimped out
Communication – I didn’t listen to either ‘my best friend me’ or ‘my coach me’
Intelligence – What I did last night could in no way be described as intelligent!
Trust – I failed to trust me
Respect – I showed no respect to me and what I’ve achieved so far
Strength – Hardly!
Security – OK I felt secure in my bad place
Adventure – need I say more
Significance – yes I gave myself significance but in a ‘sorry for me’ way not in a postive way.
Making a difference – No I wasn’t doing that at all.  In fact the opposite
Happiness – I failed spectacularly to be happy or to give myself Permission to be Happy.

So, dear reader, I hope this helps to explain why living by your values is so important. Because when you do the opposite life is grim!

Finally I think I’m beginning to Get It!  (*Can almost hear Stephen breathing sigh of relief!!!*)

The Values re-ordering continues

I’ve become fascinated and almost obsessed by this!

I have my green plastic Values cards laid out on the table.  I have the yellow ones on which I’ve written a version name of me on one side and the applicable values list on the other.

I now have 28 that really matter.  Which is 2 more than yesterday and probably more than the other day!

At this rate I’ll reach the 50 I was asked for originally!

I suddenly realised this evening – after talking myself out of yet another stupid sobbing session – that the one Value I was missing was the one that’s my Goal:


This one is clearly VITAL.

So is – wait for it Stephen(!)

Gratitude (or Thankfulness)

Which has finally taken on a calmer resonance – one that now means something to me.  Maybe I had to come through the horror first before I could admit to needing this value.  In the depths of the horror Gratitude took on a distorted meaning which I couldn’t handle and can now no longer explain.

So  – Currently – the Values which matter to me – for each of the versions of me –  are:

Default List:
Growth – Love – Courage – Communication – Intelligence – Trust – Respect – Strength – Security – Adventure – Significance – Making a difference

The Caring Me:
Love – Compassion – Forgiveness – Caring – Giving

The Fun  Me:
Outrageous – Spontaneity – Passion – Trust – Freedom  – Flexibility – Adventure – Giving

The Feminine Me:
Love – Freedom  – Trust – Femininity – Spontaneity – Significance – Safety – Security – Intimacy

The “Every Day”  Me:
The Default List + Happiness – Gratitude – Health – Fun – Pleasure

Now I need to be sure I have good Rules applied to each of them. For that I may need help.  I’ll see how I get on in the next 4 weeks.

Getting my Values in Order!

Some considerable time ago Stephen (Life Coach) asked me to write down my 50 top values.  Faced with this rather un-nerving prospect I ended up Googling for a list and copying and pasting it into a spreadsheet.

With time I’ve whittled the list down to 22 – all written out on individual plastic cards so I can sort them into various different orders.  At times it feels like some sort of secret card game where the winner gets them all in the right order all of the time and goes home with the gold star and – possibly – a self-righteous halo!

OK so  I  do have various orders for these cards.

I have my “Default” List  – which has 12 on it.

I have Lists for 3 versions of me (all of whom have a different name) – the Caring me, the Outrageous me, the Feminine me – all of which have some of the Default values plus some others. Goodness knows if this is right or not!  And, whilst we’re on the subject,  what is right when it’s at home.  I suppose if it feels right then it is right.  But if it’s right how come some of the Values I have on the lists of these 3 different versions of me aren’t on the Default List.

(Are you still with me – or have I lost 99% of my readership???!!!)

Don’t go yet!!

Then there’s a 4th version of me.  My real name. The one I use every day, all the time (except here) – and I haven ‘t got a list for her at all yet.  Unless that’s the Default List – but that doesn’t feel right.

Confused?  You should be!!!  I am – a bit!  (This sounds like some sort of ghastly soap where all the characters are lost!!).

And finally I have 4 Values which seem to matter but don’t have a home on any of the Lists above at all!

Doing well aren’t I!  This is what comes of having a Sunday with not much happening!  But there again I don’t feel I’ve wasted the past 2 + hours – it’s been interesting.

Because, finally,  I’ve even recognised that I do value Intimacy in the right context – but just now that is a Value that scares me rigid – but I wish it didn’t.

(Thank goodness I’ve been invited to a friend’s for dinner!)