Giving back

One of my top values has turned out to be Giving.  This was not something I considered at the beginning of the Life Coaching!  In fact, to be honest has really only surfaced recently.

The campaign I became involved in recently really brought it to the fore.  One of the reasons I felt so passionately about saving our local airfield is that I learned to glide there when I was a teenager and I gained an immense amount from being there. Surrounded, by and  large, by well meaning and caring adults I learned a new skill and also how to take responsibility for me.  OK one particular adult didn’t treat me as I should have been and for that I have paid a fairly heavy price but I can’t tarnish my whole teenage experience by the actions of one ‘bad apple’.

Campaigning and saving the airfield so future teenagers can learn to glide has given me the chance to give something back.  This has been very important to me.

Now I find I’m also giving back in other areas.  I’ve recently encouraged someone to sort out his marriage by going to Relationship Coaching.  I find I want to encourage more people in trouble to seek help.  I know they have to find their own route.  To be ready to take the plunge to give themselves a better future than their current present.  I do know I’d be hopeless at the actual process of Life Coaching as I’m not patient enough but if I can be a facilitator by some means to helping people by directing them towards happier times then that would be a brilliant way to Give.

And giving makes me happy!!!

Actions to meet my needs and values

Hello dear reader.  I’ve been a bit quiet these last few days – mainly as I’ve been struck down with a cold which rather overwhelmed me!

Anyway I surfaced in time for my now fortnightly life coaching session!

And a  session of Life Coaching works wonders on focusing my mind.

A very pleasant 2 hours today.  Good discussion.  It’s great now I feel so much more relaxed as I can now absorb ideas as I discuss.  I’m finding it easier as I understand more and am less fearful.

All I need to do now is ‘fill the gaps’ and, for me,  these centre round:  Relationships, Adventure and  Giving.

So I’ve been asked to create a 3 month plan of action.

So far I have:

Relationships:
1. Change internet dating sites as I’m not getting any contacts from the ones I’m on at the moment.
2.  Go along to a few singles clubs

Adventure:
Find some causes I believe in and maybe plan some trips.
(I’ve come to realise I don’t have to travel to give myself adventure!  I got loads of adventure last weekend in my local town with the parade!  So if I can get it there then I can get in anywhere!)

Giving:
Give in small ways every day!

Anyway more to come so:

Watch this space!

It really is all about GIVING

I’ve written about this several times before!  You only have to search my blog to find the posts!

The same message came through loud (very – given the volume of the music!!) and clear in Avenue Q.  All the ‘puppets’ cheered up and were happy once they started giving rather than concentrating on just themselves.  They gave to each other and so found they loved and were loved.  They ceased to take – which wasn’t making them happy at all.

Some very adult messages shone through loud and clear (and some very adult action in parts too….!!)

So what stops us giving.  Or to put it better – giving in the right way.

Alex gave – presents. Quite expensive ones.  He gave me a complete wi-fit system just before we split.  But he wasn’t giving himself.  He was so (and maybe still is) focused on looking inwards, on feeling that things weren’t right for him, he never looked up and saw that actually finding out what I needed him to give just could have been the way out of his closed-in existance.

And what I needed was for him to give himself.

I thought I was giving him all he needed.  I gave him space to follow his hobbies.   I never accepted invitations without checking he wanted to go.

But as he became so focused on his inner self he ceased to tell me what he needed so I just had to guess.

So when did he stop talking?  We used to talk the night away when we were first together.  Fact.

And Why did we stop. Why did we stop focusing on each other.  Or at least focusing on each other in the way that made us both incredibly happy.

And now we both know we went wrong.  Why aren’t we putting it right?  Given we have both been shown that we could.

My LC kept reminding me through my sessions:

“What you focus on is what you get!

So how come – since happiness is what I want – I can’t focus on happiness and so Get It.

Perhaps in my currently muddled mind I have this deep-rooted belief that if I focus on Alex long enough I’ll Get Him!

Who knows!!  It’s a thought though!

The sun is shining.  I need to get going. Take photos.  Give out campaign leaflets.

Live through another day!!

And decide to really enjoy it!!

If you’ve never been taught to give

I think one of the issues my mother-in-law had was she never allowed people to give to her.

She appeared to dislike affection.  She pushed people away.  Yes she ‘did her duty’ but she always had to justify any act of generosity or giving towards her.

Maybe that explains why Alex and his siblings don’t know how to really give. They never learnt.  They were never allowed the opportunity to develop this.

The joy and act of giving is immense.  Incredibly satisfying and amazing.  And I don’t mean giving in a material sense. I mean giving as in giving love, affection, time.  The act of just being in the moment and enjoying the experience without justification.

I think this is why I find the collapse  and waste of my marriage so frustrating.  If Alex could experience the joys of really giving and feel how amazing that is then maybe his eyes would start to open and he would see what he could have had.

We can all learn new skills.  It is never too late.

Just a thought.