This has suddenly arrived at the forefront of my mind!
How will I know when I’ve actually got through all the pain and really feel safe in my new life. When will I know I’ve achieved my goal? My goal to be happy.
And tonight (it’s now 11.50pm – and I appear unable to get to sleep – which is rare) it seems of the utmost importance that I have to be able to say, and truly and utterly mean it, “I don’t want Alex back.”
I need to be able to mean it every day – not just on the odd occasion. I have to mean it and be happy with that feeling. Something is still stopping me from being able to say that. So I still have a hurdle to jump over.
I wonder what it is that’s holding me back from that final ‘leap of faith’. And, by the way, it does feel as if I’m being held back – by something.
Now I’ve written this down maybe I can go to sleep.
Painting with Light
It’s good and fun to learn something new. I feel I should make this a daily goal. Apart from anything else is gives me a sort of mini-challenge and it’s good to focus on something.
This week I learnt new stuff at my French class on Monday (and much to my horror I’ve agreed to do written homework from now on – I must be mad! I never do my homework! It’s easy to ‘wing it’ when it’s reading something – a bit harder when I have to produce written evidence!!).
And last night I had a really fun evening learning new techniques with my camera – along with lots of others from the camera club.
I think the drivers thought we were doing a traffic census or something as there we all were at the crossroads with our cameras egging the cars on to go round the mini roundabout in the middle!! Lots of concerned looks and people asking what we were up to!
(Clearly we were practising for Friday’s Royal Wedding. Which is what I told some passers by!!)
All I need to do now is paint my life with a bit more light!!!