How interesting internet dating isn’t

So a brief update on my inactivity in the internet dating world.

I’ve now cancelled my sub to eharmony as it runs out in 4 days time and I had zero responses! And I do mean ZERO!  In the entire 8 months I was on the site.  Those I contacted either didn’t respond for ‘fizzled out’ fairly quickly.

That leaves me with the Telegraph site.  The supposedly interested party of last weekend – the one who gave me his phone number twice in a fairly upbeat exchange of messages last weekend has now removed his profile from public view and has not contacted me again.  So clearly is consigned to the waste-bin!!

I shall wait developments.  But I shan’t be holding my breath!!!

I’m beginning to think this method of meeting people isn’t all it’s cracked up to be!!!

I shall get myself a cat and take up tatting!! Let my hair go grey (which doesn’t suit me) wear wrinkly tights, ill fitting skirts and old cardigans……

Hey I AM ONLY JOKING!!!!

I assumed so much that wasn’t true

And no this isn’t a rush backwards to what I assumed about my marriage or Alex.

This is about me!  A topic I  clearly don’t tire of!

I assumed I was unlovable.  I assumed I couldn’t survive without Alex.  I assumed that despite all I was doing I would never get over the loss of the man I believed was my best friend.

These assumptions were profoundly limiting to any chance I had of a brilliant future of freedom.  Freedom to be the best version of me!  I was convinced they were true.  And that conviction made me needy, scared, vulnerable (in a bad way – not in a liberating feminine way).  Thanks to Stephen’s coaching (gosh don’t I keep dishing out praise in his direction!)  I overcame these limiting assumptions.  Very liberating!

Since finishing my Life Coaching sessions and starting on my exciting ‘road’ to becoming a life coach myself I’ve often wondered how he did it.  How did he trigger that change in me?

I think he made me question each assumption I had about myself and turn the assumption round to the opposite.  So how?  Well short of asking him and him telling me clearly I have no idea!

So how about this:

Every time you find yourself facing a limiting assumption question it.  Look at it from every angle – including how other people might see this assumption and then tell yourself it’s not true.  And finally say to yourself “If I knew that how would life be?  What could I do?”

Daydream the idea!  It doesn’t matter what the limiting assumption is – turn it round and have a lovely time enjoying the freedom to explore the infinite possibilities of the opposite!

I may have confused you!  If I have then good.  As a certain LC would say (and does frequently!).  Confusion is good!!

Confusion gave me the idea of becoming a life coach even though, initially, I put several limiting assumptions in my way  – all of which I managed to feed myself examples of ‘truth’ to back them up:

I’m a bad Listener
I always interrupt people
I’m too Old
I’ll be hopeless at creating rapport……..
and loads more I won’t go into!!

These assumptions turned round became

What if I become a good listener then what does that do?
What if I shut up!
What has age got to do with it?
I am popular and people do find they can talk to me!

Feeding myself positive assumptions, liberating ones, also makes me feel so much better!  I can actually feel the difference.  I sit up straighter. I smile to myself.  All good stuff as smiling releases the endorphins.  Endorphins are good little bu**ers!!

So on a personal front I am also lovable, not too old (sex doesn’t have to stop at 60! – Just think of that all of you who are in your 50s!!) and I’m also feminine and fun!

I accept I may need a dating goal!  And when I do it will be to go out and have fun!  Because having an intention to make it more than that would be wrong and probably far too heavy and intense.  That can happen when the right man comes along and will happen when it does – as a natural progression of falling in love.

(And I still live in hope of the internet dating at least dishing up some dates – especially as I’ve just been made a ‘featured member’ on one of the sites I’m on!!)

Action and Nervous Anticipation!

Well I’ve been very proactive over the last few days!

I’ve found out about some NLP courses and have approached work to see if they’ll contribute towards the cost. (They may, they may not – but at least I didn’t get a definitive no!)  They  could well benefit from the skills I hope I’m about to learn! This will also give me a skill I want to develop so I can then use in a few years time as a second career when I retire.

It’s all a bit daunting but exciting!  A feeling that I’ve committed to doing this! I can hardly bow out now having announced my intentions to my boss at work, here on this blog, to my Life Coach……   All these people matter as I feel I’d be letting them down as well as myself if I didn’t give it my best shot now.  I know all that really matters is not letting me down – but for reasons I cannot explain part of not letting me down also includes not letting down those people I’ve now told!

So I’m giving myself something to focus on – a GOAL!!  Which is a major improvement on focusing on my failed marriage – which I already have a degree in – and a certificate to prove it!!  (and which I do with monotonous regularity at least once or twice a day)

In the meantime I still have my photography skills to hone, my french homework (as ever!!), my lines to learn for the pantomime……  and lots of books to read so when I do do these courses I have got some groundwork done.

Oh yes and e-harmony (one of the internet dating sites I’m on) want to make me a special member of the month (or something like that) so I’ve agreed!!  Well it might boost my ‘exposure’!  And I might get some better possible dates – as I’ve just trawled all their recommendations and most look older than my dad!!

Small Actions – small results!

Stephen’s words haunt me! (In a nice way Stephen if you read this!)  If I take small action I get small results and then decide I’ve failed.

Good examples:

  1. I go to French Conversation every week, I don’t get round to going over what I’ve learned during the week so I make slow progress and so decide I’m failing.
  2. I haven’t practiced any of the techniques I learnt on my Photoshop course so I’ve reverted to using Picassa – small results.  I get the feeling I’m failing!

However!!!

I threw myself into the Internet Dating.  4 sites!!  Hopeless!!!  – Only one date!  See Dating Tips! – and  only a couple others emailed me – and they fell by the wayside!   I’m now only on one – e-harmony – and I’m not getting anywhere there either!!  But I did take Big Action!!  So what have I learnt from that.  I mustn’t give up!!  Perhaps I need to improve my profile!  I need to find better sites!

You see, dear reader, I’m in need of male company!!  Just with me!  I want a good dose of male friendship!!  Not necessarily full blown romance….(!!) but I quite fancy being made a fuss of and chatted up just a bit – or just someone to go out for a drink with.  Go to the cinema with!

So having had a bit of a re-group (and gone through a good dose of the doldrums!) over the last few days, and having exchanged a few emails with Stephen (LC) I need to refocus and start again.  After all the quicker I make all the mistakes the quicker I’ll run out of ways to do it wrong and then – presumably (and so I’m assured!) – all that will be left is doing it right!!!!

I do know that I want more than I’ve got now!  This is still a staging post.  It’s OK, but it’s not good enough.  I’m not there yet.

I welcome suggestions!  On any ideas anyone has!

Goal - Action - Result - Proof - Learn

And thank you Stephen for the graphic!

This week’s Internet Dating gems!

The “cream of the crop” from some of this week’s contacts:

A, 47 – To be honest with you, I find your profile attractive.. send me your email let communicate privately,and set up a wonderful conversation.
After what I’ve just been through  – No way!!  I’m not THAT stupid!

hello lovely one – hope you like my profile and willing to locate something great here so why don’t you drop me a line.  I put much stock in instant love/lust/caring smile

No beating about the bush there then.  A sort of just let’s get on with it approach.  I’m slightly bothered about the ‘something’ I’m supposed to ‘locate’ and how fast! (and given he’s on an internet dating site – would I find it!!)

C, 37:  Premium beef on offer! Wanted: A caring owner. Must be funny, smart and chilled.
If you fit the bill and can add more to the plate, serve yourself up and send me a message!

Now this one really caught my interest!  Do I respond with “I like my beef rare and preferably from an animal!”  – which he might just mis-interpret as a come on?  Or shall I just ignore him!!  I think – on reflection – ignore!

Something I wish people noticed about me:  That I am actually Richard Gere in another body.
Having looked at your photo and read your profile  all I can say is “In your dreams sunshine!”

T, 51 i wont wink at you as im aware lotsa u gals dont like winkers………. im a normal bloke looking for a female friend im atouch extreme but told a bit of a character,have a butchers and get back if you fancy a laff…or a chat
Oh dear!!  Perhaps I should introduce him to the ‘rare beef’ above!!  They could then  ‘butcher’ each other!

D. 51: I’m an attractive and fairly fit 50 something. I’m laid back, tactile, intelligent. I am also married though not entirely happily.
I’m looking for a similar lady, in similar circumstances who would like to meet regularly for discreet ‘diversions’. Are you out there?
This one ‘sent me into a total rage!” – so much so I reported him!!  I think we all know why!

Goals for my week off!

I have the whole week off.  So Plans are what I need.  Plans and a few Goals.  Plans so I do something special every day. Goals to fill in the gaps – and to stop me watching day time TV or poodling around on the internet!!

I have a plan for Tuesday.  I have Life Coaching on Wednesday.  I am organising some outings for a couple of other days!.

The Goals!:  Actually when I’d written down the list it looked a bit daunting!  But there again I should be able to complete them each day and still have time for my Plans!  That’s if I get up early enough!!  And the idea is to feel pleased with myself at the end of the week!!

So here goes (and the idea is to these daily!!)

  • Posting  on my Blog – easy one this – it’s stopping myself which is more of a challenge!! I can waste hours here!!  So I’m going to restrict myself to an hour in the morning and then keep away until the evening! (well at least that’s the idea!)
  • French  – at least 30 minutes of reading and learning grammar and vocabulary.  Or I really will be wasting the cost of the weekly lessons
  • Lines for the play I’m in. At least 30 minutes of learning them – but I can recite them whilst cycling or driving…. !!
  • Cycle ride.  This takes an hour but must be done as I need to strengthen my leg much more than it is at the moment – so I really want this to be a daily one!
  • Play the piano.  I’m teaching myself and I want to be able to read music so if I put in 30 minutes a day this will be good
  • Practice photoshop editing.  I need to do this or I’ll forget all I learnt the other week.
  • Internet Dating.  I must become a bit more proactive. So I need to communicate every day and to make me put in the effort  I’ve set myself a target of getting at least one date organised by the end of the week!!  So if I get to Friday without anything arranged someone is going to have to step in!!!

Now the challenge is to stick to the list!!  Have Fun!  Do something special every day!  And enjoy myself!

I shall let you know how I get on!