A year makes all the difference!

A year ago (just about) I went out on a date.  I had  lots of expectations – all of which were dashed!  The individual a “Mr Friday” if I recall was not blessed with many social graces! (click to find out!).  I’ve seen the funny side of the encounter ever since  – but dates since then have been thin on the ground.  In fact, dear reader, non-existent!

Well enough is enough!  I logged on to one of the sites I seem to be subscribed to and decided to be a bit more pro-active.  I emailed a few ‘likely’ men and one has replied.  We exchanged a few messages at the weekend and spoke on the phone on Sunday evening.  We may meet next weekend!  During the day this time!

I have to say I’m not that convinced about this particular specimen of the human race as he hasn’t bothered to message me since our phone call since Sunday and as I was the one that phoned him (I’m not releasing my phone no. just to any stranger!) I’m not that impressed!

So whereas a year ago my expectations were high and I so wanted the whole thing to pan out brilliantly, now, a year later, I find I’m just mildly curious to meet this man.  If he’s nice I may like to see him again.  I’ll see!

What I seem to have finally got rid of is carrying around all my ‘baggage’ from my divorce.  Yes I still miss Alex (rather more than I’d wish)  but I have a new confidence in me that’s saying  I’m fine on my own until the right person turns up.

I’m probably not putting this very well.  But I know what I mean.  It’s sort of feeling more in charge of me and a feeling that I don’t need to be reliant on anyone else to make me feel safe any more.  I can do that for myself.

Yes, I still feel lonely and I really don’t like being on my own but I can wait and it’s OK.

Living alone

I keep wondering why I am finding it so so hard living on my own.  And it’s just dawned on me (I can be very thick at times!).  I never have before in my entire life.  Not for any protracted period in my life.  I’ve always lived with other people. 

I went from home, to house-sharing, to au pairing, to house sharing, to marriage.

So it’s not something I’ve ever had to come to terms with before.  And I don’t like it.  It’s fine for the occasional few days.  But this is now two years. 

I am NOT a live on my own type of person.