Why isn’t today Wednesday!

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It’s been an odd sort of week!  I usually work from home on a Wednesday (gives me a break from the 140 mile round trip to work). But this week I turned up at the office – taking everyone, including myself, by surprise, un-nerving those who work for me, who no doubt see Wednesday as a respite from my presence, and generally causing confusion all round!!

So although today is Friday it feels like a Wednesday as I’m working from home today!  Friday home working is viewed as ‘cheating’ – adding a day to the weekend! I shall have to put in some ‘terrifying’ effort and keep emailing and ringing at moments when my co–workers think they’re safe!

Add to the mix:

  • that I’ve had no Life Coaching this week (slightly scarey);
  • that I’ve now blocked ‘B’s emails and am ignoring the texts, voicemails, phone calls etc.(good move I think – I was beginning to feel as if I was being stalked – and he’d become dangerously controlling – no wonder his wife has the issues she has – she may need a new hip and be in pain but I can understand why she’s not doing it – he can’t control what she does with her body!);
  • that I’ve now returned to the local Amateur Dramatics club and I’ve several small roles (small parts sounded faintly worrying! – No-one wants to have small parts – be they male or female!) in the production of Oh What a Lovely War,  which now requires me to go to rehearsals twice a week!
  • that AJ’s butterfly whacked him round the head with her wings and nearly extinguished him  – which thank god she didn’t (sorry AJ but to me that butterfly was definitely female, predatory and slightly vindictive – and how she managed to also carry a bedpan is amazing – but as she appears to have brought you back to the blogging world I like to think her intentions were – ultimately – benevolent!! – And by the way AJ that’s two links to your blog I’ve incorporated here – which is a sort of   welcoming you back thing – you’ve been greatly missed here!);

and it feels like all change and get on a new train!

I know I still sometimes wish a certain passenger was experiencing all this with me but if the silly sod got on the wrong train then that’s his fault not mine.  I just hope his train takes him to the wrong destination – preferably a dead-end!  And  – NO – I’m not going to go and pick him up when he realises how truly lost he’s become.  He can go and enroll in Life School and he can walk there and back!  (OK I do know I haven’t truly ‘let go’ yet – but hey I’m getting there!)

Enjoy your ‘Wednesday’!

“Runaway Bride” should be compulsory viewing

I don’t know how many times I’ve seen Runaway Bride.  OK I know – Julia Roberts as Julia Roberts (and how many women don’t fancy Richard Gere!!).  It seemed to be on all the time last summer.  Every time I tried to escape the horror of my situation by watching TV there it was to taunt me once more!

But actually it has an incredibly important message if you strip out the comedy and the Hollywood gloss – and some of the more bizarre aspects of the plot!  It is a very honest film.

Maggie (Julia Roberts) keeps baulking marriage at the last minute – she literally runs from the altar!

Why?  Because she hasn’t worked out who she is.  She tries to become the person she thinks her husband-to-be wants her to be and then, actually, has the decency to run before she finally commits, because she is not living true to herself.

It’s only when she finally realises this and works out her identity that she is able to commit.  And she ends up committing to the man she last ran from because she’d  discovered she not only loved him but she loved herself as well.

I wonder how many people actually commit to someone in the hope that will be the solution to their problems (whatever those problems may be) rather than really look to themselves first.  Did Alex and I do that?  Probably!  That being said we succeeded in being remarkably happy for 17 years so we had a very strong connection which could have continued to grow except for one huge issue.  Alex didn’t  love himself.

I don’t think he does now.  His actions are not those of someone who is happy with who he is.  He could have left me with integrity, honesty and truth.  He didn’t.

He left – he came back – he left – he said he wanted to be sure if he came back it was for the right reasons – he finally said he wasn’t coming back – 3 times!

When he cleared out his clothes he left items hanging in his cupboard.  He kept saying he didn’t want a divorce!   He was unable to collect the final remainder of his belongings from our house until 2 years after he’d left and had to do it as I was moving.

He couldn’t even tell me he’d bought a house with his ‘new partner’ and so left me to find out via the divorce papers.

None of these actions – to me – are of someone who is happy with who they are or what they’ve done or are doing.  He hasn’t told any of his closest friends, in fact he has cut himself off from them.  They’ve been left stunned by his behaviour and  baffled, confused and hurt by his rejection of them.

Maybe the pain has to get worse for him before he will finally dig deep enough to find the real him and the Man he says he wants to be. I hope he realises that soon.  For his sake.

As to the OW and what she’s getting out of all this.  If I’m honest I am clearly not in a position to comment.  I don’t know her.  48 hours of her company was enough for me!  Perhaps she has a massive need for Significance and Significance for her is rescuing ‘lost souls’!  The trouble with that is, is once you’ve ‘rescued’ the ‘lost soul’ and they’re no longer ‘lost’ what do you do then!

Anyway maybe Alex should watch Runaway Bride and really take in the message:  You cannot run from yourself – however green the grass looks on the other side of the fence.

And as I said over a year ago:  The grass may appear greener – but it could just be astro turf!