Throwing caution to the wind!

Ah! That got your attention!

Radio 3 (our classical  radio station – courtesy of the BBC) played Beethoven’s Emperor Concerto this morning as I drove to work!  Great for jollying along the journey.

It brought back a happy memory of when I was au pairing in Paris – well to be absolutely correct I’d just been fired from my au pair job by Madame who  lost the plot one evening!  I’d been out with ‘les enfants’ during the afternoon – as usual – keeping them clear of the flat so she could entertain who ever it was that day!  We came across some other children  throwing stones – I got hit fair and square on the head by a particularly large stone and  ended up in hospital having stitches (having first returned her children to her loving care I might add!  All the while bleeding somewhat profusely over everyone!).  Anyway she fired me for not looking after the children that evening as I retreated to bed with a headache!!!  The joys of au pairing!!

Back to my story –  It was a couple of weeks or so after this.  I’d found somewhere to live and I was earning the odd few francs babysitting as I still had 8 weeks left to finish my French course!  All I had to my name was my fare home and 100 francs!  And for reasons which I can now  not explain I hadn’t told my parents!!

I queued for over 4 hours to see Artur Rubinstein play the Emperor Concerto! It was one of the last concerts he gave – he did 2 performances that day!  So basically I queued through the first one!!

I paid my last 100 francs for the privilege! And I can promise you it was worth it!!

When I finally owned up to my parents a few days later that I was somewhat destitute, they, of course, bailed me out.  My father didn’t feel I’d squandered my money at all!!!

So occasionally it’s worth “Throwing caution to the wind”  and going with the flow!  After all if one doesn’t then memories like the one I have wouldn’t exist!

Too much nostalgia

Too many memories, too much nostalgia.  I sometimes wonder if women rush down memory lane more than men do –  or is it just me?

Yesterday started so well.  I met up with a friend at Hampton Court for coffee and – if I might say – a stunning cake – and had a lovely chat. Then I pottered round Hampton Court gardens and amazed myself in the maze ( I found the middle and the way out without much trouble!) then returned home!

All still going well I set off on the dreaded exercise on my bike – still good.  My ride invariably takes me past the family house, where my Dad lived and Alex and I also owned a share.  I am fine with this. No problems at all.

Except yesterday – since the refurbishment of the bit Alex and I owned is now complete – I stopped to have a look round inside!!   Now on a scale of 1 – 10 of good ideas where 1 is bad – I scored 0!    The builders tactfully kept out of the way.  Off I went down memory lane.  Thoughts flooded over me like a burst dam!!  The flat looks stunning.  Truly beautiful.  But Oh Dear – not good for my state of mind.  Just as well I was on my own!  Every room brought back happy memories!  Even if some of the rooms now look so different.

Actually one of the reasons I went in is my brother is going to have an ‘open day’ for all the neighbours – which he suggested I could come to!!!!  Bless him – he really doesn’t know what he’s saying some of the time – Hello – I am actually one of the owners!!!!  And if he had a grain of sense he’d realise (as the builders did) that I probably needed to go round on my own.  Without everyone watching my every reaction!  All too deeply personal to be doing it in front of an audience.

So I cycled home in a state of misery – considering the ‘Mine’ and basically thoroughly upset!

Maybe I just had to bang the final nail into that particular coffin.  I know it did have to be done at some point.  It’s just doing it was tough!  And  I wish I wasn’t so ‘addicted’ to nostalgia!!

So even though  I spent the evening doing a few things on the goals list  my heart wasn’t really in it.  And the feeling hasn’t gone this morning……

Today is Life Coaching

It’s good to be home!

It’s good to be back home where there are fewer links to Alex.  The last few days were so difficult – and I don’t mean the courses I was on!  Which were fun  – if you like that sort of thing – which sadly I appear to!

No as I said yesterday it was the association with that particular hotel and staying away and lots of other things  – all associated with Alex – which rather stamped over my fragile state and won the day,and left me feeling rather drained and empty.

But I’m off out for a fun dinner tonight – thank goodness!

You know what one needs in life is a good hug from time to time!

Hey ho!  Dream on Caroline!!

So hugs to all my readers – after all I can give out hugs – which is a nice feeling!