Enough is enough! (and more musings)

Enough is enough – as in holding on to my past and thinking of nothing else which is what my life coach emailed me about yesterday.  And, as usual, he is quite right!  My survival instinct is to hold on to the past – it’s what’s kept me alive until now – but it’s holding me back.

I’m very good at the words but not  at the actions, which he also pointed out! (True but so irritating to have it pointed out!)

My homework this week was to write down my dream future.  Well as you know, dear reader, I posted that yesterday.  But this morning.  This first day of 2011 I decided I needed a constant reminder of this dream.  I need to focus on it with every fibre of my being, and as it’s here I come every day to tell you all how things are going, what better place to have that reminder than a page dedicated to my future.  So I’ve added another page to this blog and managed to squeeze it on to the title bar.

I will add to it as I have new dreams.  I will update it as I do something about each of the dreams I have listed.

In fact I started yesterday afternoon by printing out my story and giving it to my next door neighbour to read on the understanding he gives me his honest views on whether it has any chance of being published. He knows it is very steamy and graphic.  I know him and his wife well enough to know he may be surprised by what I’ve written but I won’t shock him!  Well I hope not!

This is a massive leap of faith as the only person who has ever read it was Alex (it was his idea in the first place).

2011:

So if I am going to make 2011 my year – and I am – I need to FOCUS on doing so.

And to do that I need a future to focus on.  I need more goals.

This needs to become a happy place where people flock to find out what Caroline Did Next!

And as one of my dreams is for everyone to read this blog will you please recommend it to anyone and everyone – but especially those people who are gong through what I am.  I’d like to think my blog could help them.

And what about today?

Well today I continue the sorting out, throwing away and general mayhem which can’t be avoided when moving house!   And apparently according to two of  the other women at last night’s dinner party – I shall find this so cathartic!   So nice of them to let me know how I’m feeling!  And one of them is a psychologist!  She even lectures on the subject!  Good grief is all I can say!  And – what’s more – she’s a divorcee.  Perhaps she did find it cathartic – though I somehow doubt it as she is one of those women I labelled sometime ago as ‘forlorn’.  And we all know I don’t like ‘forlorn’!!

Oh yes – and I can ‘Move On’    –  Hoorah!!  Always cheering to be told that!!   Well I did – I moved on from the dinner party as soon as midnight struck!   If there is a God up there please spare me from women who persist in telling me how I feel and “where I should go”!!!

Doh!  Of course – neither of them said where to!!  And I forgot to ask!  Silly me!!

It’s interesting as men don’t do that.  In fact the husband of one of these enlightened women actually came to my ‘rescue’ with a witty response and a wink and a smile!

I wonder what it is in a woman’s psyche that makes so many of them come out with these bland pronouncements.   But men don’t.

So to all men – well done you!!  And to the women who don’t – well done you too!!

This is MY DREAM FUTURE!

So this is My dream future – where anything is possible:

To run my own business.

My  business will be a help centre which will provide a very safe haven for different types of therapy for people:

Life and Relationship Coaching
divorce support groups
Psychology
Acupuncture
Aromatherapy
Alexander Technique
Practical help for people on lots of issues

It should also be a drop-in centre too.  Lots of free parking.  And maybe a coffee/tea shop as well  with books and magazines and newspapers – but I don’t want it all sandals and hippy!!  And no scented candles – I so hate scented candles!

Where I live

In a lovely house with at least 3 bedrooms & 2 bathrooms.  A study.  A sewing room.  A dining room. Sitting room and kitchen.  A garage.  Not modern.  Fairly old  so it has character but in good repair.  With a  garden where I can sit out but also grow vegetables and room enough to put food down for the kites so they swoop in to feed – then I can photograph them.

Me

New look me.  Slim legs.  I stand up straight.  I am funny and  am having fun and buzzing.  Interesting to talk to.  I listen.  I make people laugh.  I am confident.  Self assured. Significant.  Loved.  People gravitate towards me.

New clothes.  New look.  So I look well dressed but in a good way – not starchy.  Trendy.

My new man:

Someone who is tall, slim, not too old – a few years either side of my age is fine.  Who is solid and trustworthy, reliable, funny, teases me, cares for me.  Wants to look after me.  Won’t let me down.  Will love me. Passionate – very passionate –  but very understanding.  Will help me deal with my ‘freezing problem’ .  Will help me talk it through, who I can tell it all to,  and be so focused on me I won’t feel  tongue tied – I really want to be able to say and do anything  and so I will relax and allow myself to abandon myself in the moment, to give myself totally – all the time!

I will be loved.  Really loved.  Unconditionally loved.  Hugged loads.

But for now I want to be asked out by lots of men. AND THEY CAN ALL PAY!  I want to be sent flowers.  Lots of flowers.

People ring me up just ‘cos I am fun to talk to.  I’m wooed.

Holidays

I want to go on holiday.  I want buckets of money so I can go on lots of holidays.

I want someone who wants to drive into deserts and look at the emptiness and wonder at it.  I love the isolation of remote places.

When I’m not working:

I become a brilliant photographer and win prizes

I am the best actress in the am drams

I become a good glider pilot

I own a lovely glider

My novel is published and is a great success and is turned into a film – this gets me lots of kudos

My blog is THE BLOG OF THE YEAR.  I get loads of hits a day and everyone is talking about it.  It’s used by life coaches and psychologists as an example of how to get over a heartbreak.  I want it to be better than “Eat Pray Love”.

THIS IS THE FUTURE OF MY DREAMS!

And this is only the start

There will be more to come as I add to this!