Giving myself what I want – all the time!

One of the biggest problems in getting over what I’ve been through (and what I believe several of my readers are going through) is changing the unconscious behaviour that keeps giving me what my conscious mind thinks it wants!  Which, in my case, appears to be a hankering for the past.  Life Coaching addressed that in spades.  My problem is I still have a tendency, at times, to drift back to behaving as I did before.  And by that I mean my internal dialogue creeps up on me and scuppers me!!

I’m in the middle of reading “Frogs into Princes” – by John Grinder and Richard Bandler the NLP gurus, which is proving enlightening!  My quest for knowledge is continuous and completely absorbing – which still surprises me as this has NEVER been me before!!!

So I think one of the issues I have is that I haven’t got my new behaviour patterns quite right in all aspects of my life, so my unconscious is still, too frequently, triggering the old one in an attempt to give me what I think I want – and actually that’s no good ‘cos I can’t have it!

We covered some of this in the course and it hit a raw nerve so to speak!  Stephen (life coach) went over and over this with me – in masses of different ways!  So I’ve been given all the instruction and coaching I could possibly need.  It’s just there’s still something hidden away in some recess of my mind that keeps firing the opposite – and I wish it wouldn’t!

At least I now recognise when I’m doing it and I know, with an amazing certainty, that I need to dig-deep and allow my unconscious to come up with some other ideas!.

I realise to some of you this may seem a lot of mumbo jumbo and you could all be reading this thinking “OK!  She’s finally lost it – she’s flipped!!”  But I understand it!

Perhaps I should discuss with Stephen!  After all I am now so much more receptive to being coached and allowing myself to consider and be totally open to new choices.

Alternatively give myself a good dose of self-coaching!

Because I really do want to give myself what I want all the time rather than just most of it!

I want Tigger and Pooh Bear days all the time and no more Eeyore days!! (Which by the way I’m NOT having today!!).   I may be feeling a touch jaded having not got to bed until 1.00am –  after a very successful and fun dinner party chez moi – but I’m not feeling at all Eeyore’ish today!

Face to face with a spider!

So it had to happen in the end.  And on Saturday evening it did!!

I could have let the friends I was with remove the creature from my kitchen floor but I decided to test out how I felt!

I thank the friend who held the front door open! 

Anyway I took a couple of deep breaths, bent down,  approached the spider – which was fairly big (for a UK specimen), rather black and a bit hairy looking – and………..

…………

I scooped it up in my bare hands and took it outside where I presume it’s now living a new and exciting life, having had a close encounter with my cupped hands!

I can’t say I enjoyed the experience that much and I certainly didn’t fall about giggling, but actually it wasn’t nearly so bad as I thought it was going to be!!  I thought it would be creepy but it wasn’t!

So all I can deduce is that the Phobia Cure I was put through on my NLP course has worked!

Good grief!

Now the real work begins!

I’ve just had the results of my course assessment day!  I passed and I passed with excellent feedback comments.

So now the real work begins!  I need to find clients!  I need to practice and I need to study more!!

But I am feeling rather pleased with myself!   And I needed a boost today. Some of the emotions of yesterday are creeping in rather.

Encounter with my past

This has been on the cards for some time and happened this afternoon.

How Alex felt about the meeting I, of course, have no idea.  All I know is that from my point of view it was very pleasant and lovely to see him. He stayed for nearly two hours and we chatted about lots of things – including a great deal on NLP!.  We kept clear of anything emotional right to the end when he asked me to keep in touch.  Well he knows where I am so that’s down to him.

How do I feel now?  A bit numb.  A bit sad. Do I still find him fancyable?  Yes!  Which is a tad annoying.  I’d planned on not!!

There are  probably a whole stack of other emotions which could be hiding waiting to come to the fore.  Anger is still not one of them.

I’m going out for a curry this evening.  Which is a very good thing!

My future beckons – and I’m moving towards it.

Tomorrow is another day.

 

An Olive branch – maybe

A while back some of you may remember I wrote about Reaction.  The sad moment when my close friend confirmed my suspicions that she was against me taking the path I am. As I’ve said before, she was against me going to Life Coaching to ‘get me out of my Chilean Mine’.  She was even very dismissive when it worked!!  In fact she appears to be against any form of help if it doesn’t centre round psychology (in which she is trained).  She did, without meaning to I’m sure, cause me quite a difficult time with a number of our mutual friends as she had clearly been encouraging them to side with her against what I was doing.  She also did this without finding out anything about what I was actually doing or who was coaching me!  I am sure she did it for the best of reasons from her point-of-view.  But also, maybe, from a position of uncertainty, insecurity and fear within her.  I can’t judge her motives.  None of us are in a position to judge others.

A few weeks ago she ‘had another go’ at me and got quite unkind. Dismissed my  friendly chat on reading matter and began justifying why she didn’t need to read!  And like all people when they know deep down that maybe they haven’t behaved as well as they might she then retreated and kept herself to herself!!

But life changes!!  She has recently been on an  8-day NLP course with her husband.  which, interestingly she found incredibly hard work(!). We chatted about it and about the various techniques and what extras I got on my 13 day one!!  She was friendly and tentatively, I think, waving an olive branch!  I suspect her husband has had a hand in her change of heart (he’s very sensible!).  I’m glad.  I don’t want to know what has caused the shift.  I just hope it lasts and whatever  was causing this huge amount of angst and fear has now been sorted out.  I’ve continued to be friendly.  I’ve  given back a good dose of love.  Friends are important!  She sounded relieved that I’ve been so friendly!!  Of course I am she’s stopped trying to Control me!!!

And as we all know, dear reader, Control seldom works!!

So next stop my 2 brothers!!!   Now that indeed will be something to see!!

BTW  I’m not holding my breath!!!

How did that happen!

The world has seen fit to add another year to my age today!  Now regardless of my actual age in earth years I wish everyone to know I still feel 35 inside!!

To celebrate this rather unwanted intrusion into my well-being I’ve already conducted a dawn raid (6.30am) on Asda supermarket and removed a quantity of cakes for the masses at work.

Not to be outdone on the fun aspect of the day I’ve also delivered my trusty car to the local garage for a thrill-packed service.

The trouble with having a 140 mile round trip to work is that this car servicing activity happens far more often than I, or my bank balance, might wish!

Anyway whereas my car is going to spend its day having its body caressed and the more intimate parts of its workings fondled, sadly the owner is not envisaging the same happening to her!  More’s the pity! Here’s to the situation being reversed in the next 12 months!

My evening is planned!  I’m eating a Waitrose meal-for-one and cuddling up with a couple of John Grinder’s books!  Well I can Whisper in the Wind  and hope that some “Frog” out there will turn into my Prince!! (The NLP’ers amongst  my readership will, of course, understand these references!!)

I might treat myself to a glass of wine too!!