I’m sleeping with NLP

I’m NLP’d out.  I have read and read and read and I now have a list of questions which are mind bogglingly  irritating!!  I wake next to a mass of books strewn all over my bed next to me!

I’m in total danger of becoming nerdy about all this!  But at least it’s focusing me on the future – whatever that turns out to be!!  Mostly it’s stopping the looking back moments – except for last night which was one of my un-clever moments of wallowing in nostalgia, a moment of trawling the posts from this time last year when clearly I was so stressed out all I could do was weep – and, apparently, write copious amounts here, given I inflicted 64 posts on the world in that month alone for which I admire those who managed to comment on most of them!!  I’m surprised I found time to do any sorting out and packing at all!!

I think part of the problem is this time of year.  The festive season is a family time and right now family is what I have precious little of.  My brothers and I have an uneasy truce held together by the sale of the family home, 2/3rds of which should go through this week.  The last 1/3rd – the now wonderfully refurbished and extended flat originally owned by Alex and me remains unsold.  It looks wonderful.  I’ve been round twice and that’s enough.  I won’t inflict any more damage on myself!

My older brother is in the middle of the turmoil of breaking up his marriage – something which still baffles me and, I think, everyone else.  My younger brother is doing his usual trick of keeping as far away as possible and only communicating in a rather business like fashion on matters of property thus avoiding any form of emotional involvement!  Someone should give him a Phd in it!!

So  I’ve spent a rather solitary festive week in the company of wonderful words such as submodalities, epistemology (which as I’ve said before is sadly not the science of getting drunk), swishing and other terms which my little brain is feeling surprised at being introduced to!!  It makes the French homework seem easy in comparison.  Talking of which I’d better go and write my paragraph as I have a conversation lesson this morning!! (Why do I always leave this to the last moment to get done!!)

Anyway one of my ambitions this year is to wake up and find I’m not sleeping with the training manuals – but with a trainer who has decided to train me into enjoying all those things which I want to enjoy (thank you AJ for your particular ‘on the nail’ comment last year)

Too much nostalgia

Too many memories, too much nostalgia.  I sometimes wonder if women rush down memory lane more than men do –  or is it just me?

Yesterday started so well.  I met up with a friend at Hampton Court for coffee and – if I might say – a stunning cake – and had a lovely chat. Then I pottered round Hampton Court gardens and amazed myself in the maze ( I found the middle and the way out without much trouble!) then returned home!

All still going well I set off on the dreaded exercise on my bike – still good.  My ride invariably takes me past the family house, where my Dad lived and Alex and I also owned a share.  I am fine with this. No problems at all.

Except yesterday – since the refurbishment of the bit Alex and I owned is now complete – I stopped to have a look round inside!!   Now on a scale of 1 – 10 of good ideas where 1 is bad – I scored 0!    The builders tactfully kept out of the way.  Off I went down memory lane.  Thoughts flooded over me like a burst dam!!  The flat looks stunning.  Truly beautiful.  But Oh Dear – not good for my state of mind.  Just as well I was on my own!  Every room brought back happy memories!  Even if some of the rooms now look so different.

Actually one of the reasons I went in is my brother is going to have an ‘open day’ for all the neighbours – which he suggested I could come to!!!!  Bless him – he really doesn’t know what he’s saying some of the time – Hello – I am actually one of the owners!!!!  And if he had a grain of sense he’d realise (as the builders did) that I probably needed to go round on my own.  Without everyone watching my every reaction!  All too deeply personal to be doing it in front of an audience.

So I cycled home in a state of misery – considering the ‘Mine’ and basically thoroughly upset!

Maybe I just had to bang the final nail into that particular coffin.  I know it did have to be done at some point.  It’s just doing it was tough!  And  I wish I wasn’t so ‘addicted’ to nostalgia!!

So even though  I spent the evening doing a few things on the goals list  my heart wasn’t really in it.  And the feeling hasn’t gone this morning……

Today is Life Coaching