Passion doesn’t have to die

At least that’s what I believe. And I believe it totally.  In fact I believe it with a passion!

In the past 48hours 4 women have told me that after several years of marriage “You can’t expect the passion to remain”.  Why not?  That’s what I want to know.  Are they all giving up on keeping passion alive? And if so why?

Has ‘society’ instilled in us some low expectation of what a life-long partnership should be about? Do we have such low expectations of our relationships?  Or do we get too busy and miss paying attention to the most important part of life – our relationship with the person closest to us?

Is that why so many marriages fail these days?

And those that stay together, so many seem to be plodding through their emotional lives in a sort of fatalistic view that there isn’t any other option.  And no I don’t advocate throwing it all away and starting afresh.  I advocate finding out what each other’s needs really are, then adding a bit of fun at ‘working’ at the passion!

Why my early morning visit to the bluebell wood got me thinking about this I have no idea!!

 

Getting a bit of Passion

That’s what we all want!  Some of my fellow bloggers already have it – lucky sods!

Some of us are missing out on sex and passion at the moment – which feels a bit frustrating in more ways than I’m prepared to discuss here, so leave to your imagination.

Now I’m not going to rush around and have some ‘adult fun’ just for the sake of it as I think it wouldn’t do my mental state any good at all

But there are other forms of passion!  Clearly I appear to have found a Passion for becoming a Life Coach – either that or I’ve been seduced by the book covers at Amazon!  I say this as 3 ( yes I know THREE!) more books on NLP have just arrived on my doorstep.  Given the speed with which said bookstore is delivering them I think they must be overjoyed with my continued business and are therefore encouraging me to assist their profits!!

So if anyone asks me now did Life Coaching do me any good or would I have got to where I am without it the answer would have to be “I don’t know!”  Yes time heals – it has and continues to do so but I definitely wouldn’t be keeping the world of NLP book sales going so well if I hadn’t chosen to go the route I did!!

Now about that other passion. Perhaps I just need to log on to Ann Summers and solve that one too!  Given the lack of an alternative!!

(given how I’ve ‘tagged’ this post I now expect my site hits to soar and will be disillusioned if they don’t!)

 

 

 

Lost and Found

I’ve read a great deal about people who have ‘set off’ to ‘find’ themselves

They ditch their current life announcing something like:

  • I’m confused
  • I’m unhappy
  • I don’t know what I want
  • I’m lost
  • I need to discover me
  • You don’t understand me
  • I need time on my own
  • I need to find myself

And that’s what they do!  Off they go to ‘find’ themselves. 

So often this appears to involve an element of travel!  Which of course adds a certain frisson of excitement to the whole experience!  For some it’s escape to the wilds of Scotland – others go the whole hog and really put travel on the agenda.

Well I don’t actually believe many people ‘find’ themselves at the bottom of a tub of Italian ice cream in the centre of Rome,(however moorish the flavour!)  or in the depths of an Indian meditation retreat, or come to that in lustful, abandoned, passionate sex on a Bali Beach! They might be having a jolly good adventure and a lot of fun, possibly with an eye on a profitable book about it and maybe that’s their justification for ditching their world and following their dream. But I’m not convinced on the ‘finding’ aspect of this!

I also don’t believe that “Wild Love” (a book which irritates me) is anything more than another justification for another ditch and run.

So to any potential ‘runners’ I would say this – before you charge off to ‘find’ yourself just look in the mirror.

Good gracious there you are looking back at yourself!  How about saying “Hello Me” to yourself before you run as guess what? You’ll always be with you. 

How about asking yourself “I wonder why I’m feeling like this.  I’d love to know”

So my suggestion is rather than ‘Finding yourself’  How about ‘Finding Out how to Understand yourself.  OK this probably involves a small amount of expenditure as help from a professional is probably going to be needed. But you just might discover that Understanding you is a far more solid foundation to build on.  And by Understanding you and what you need, Understanding how you work and why, and then Understanding how and what your partner needs from life could be one passionate bit of fun – and you’ve saved the air fares, hotel costs, ice cream costs, moving costs, divorce costs,… whatever.

And once you’ve done that you can both zip off and have passionate, abandoned, uninhibited sex on a Bali Beach together!  And I believe (though I don’t know) a Bali Beach hut is probably charged by the hut rather than the number of occupants – so is a great deal cheaper per head – or should that be per body! Much better than booking it for one and then hoping to find others to invite in!

OK, I agree, you’ve missed out on all that solo travel with no-one to talk to about it with but, personally, I prefer to share my experiences and share with someone who’s going to stick around!  And this way you get just that –  you’ve still got the person you promised “For better for Worse” to, the great, shared memories and a passionate present and future!

It’s just an idea!

Abandonment in Passion

A draft of this post has been hanging around for quite some time (months). I’ve not published it because of how you dear readers might react:  Embarrassment possibly; pity for me – maybe, even a degree of “Why is she telling us this”.  “This is too acutely personal”.  Well  finally  I realized I had two choices – delete it or publish!  I’ve decided to publish – because I do this for me – as you all know!!!.  So here it isYour reaction is – of course, as always – your choice!

This is maybe  a “Too Much Information” post for some of you – my blogging friends!  So you don’t need to read!!  But honesty has always been the watchword of this blog – so honesty about everything is what I write here – and you, dear reader, get to read it – if you want!

Abandonment in passion is an issue which does haunt me.  Abandonment in Passion is something I think about a great deal.  Something I always wanted (I imagine most of us do) and rather too frequently didn’t get – or  maybe more importantly – allow myself to have.  That ability to let go into the moment and abandon myself in being made love to.   OK  I ‘got there’ – fairly often – but not as often as I would have liked.  Somehow, so often, I didn’t feel safe enough to ‘go for it’!  I didn’t feel engaged.  Somehow I felt left out.  That I was missing out.  Yup – a lot to do with my history I know ( see Eureka moments if you want to know more) – but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to – don’t want to.  I just didn’t know how sometimes – and I now believe I didn’t get much help.  I couldn’t talk about it. So I didn’t. So he didn’t know.

Anyway one of my Facebook friends posted this video link of a song.  A very seductive and passionate song:

This is what I wanted a lot more of from Alex – amongst other things:
This is truly beautiful.  That intimate experience  –  I hope you’ll find it’s worth playing and enjoy listening….  It would be lovely to discover it can be as good as that………. all of the time!

The Pull of Passion

Is that what it was?

 In my search for answers – the Why’s and the How Could You’s – I’ve so desperately wanted an answer. An answer to the Krakatoa moment when Alex left.

Is it the selfish gene?  That feeling the world ‘owes’ us and so to take is the only answer.  Are men worse than women?  They can’t be because if women stuck to the moral high-ground then the men would find it harder to run.  With no-one to run to with the offer of all that sex and passion the incentive wouldn’t be so great!

Is the ‘pull’ of lust as great for  these “Other Women”,  who feel they have the ‘right’ to grab any man they fancy regardless of the damage they inflict.  Do they really justify their actions with the age old phrase of “I only want you to be happy”  which, in fact, means “I have a right to be happy too and by the way, the way I’ve decided to be happy is to screw your husband so bad luck you”.

Do they actually realise what it’s like to be treated with so little respect. Would they enjoy being on the receiving end of the destruction.  Of course not. They don’t think about that.

To smash a marriage is something which shouldn’t be taken lightly.  It is, so often, these days.  Are we becoming so selfish in our desires for instant gratification that actually our moral compass has swung out of line and we are losing our abilitiy to navigate and so reach our true destinations.  The destination that really does give us the high – that brilliant place we get to by effort, determination, compassion and giving.

The new me is slowly emerging

I feel like I’m coming out of a chrysalis and emerging into the me I’m supposed to be!

Which is rather fun and good! I’m into Goal setting now. Finding what I want my life’s purpose could be. Discussing what I’m passionate about and how I can meet my values all of the time so I give myself that passionate future.

I must be doing better. I’ve been ‘released’ from weekly life coaching and onto fortnightly!! So clearly, mentally, I’m getting there. Wherever ‘there’ is supposed to be!

And this new me has also put on about 20lbs in weight in the last 4 months – which may sound rather too much but isn’t. I was way too skinny! The result I’ve got bits of me I haven’t had for ages – including a cleavage!! It’s all takes a bit of getting used to!