I’ve read a great deal about people who have ‘set off’ to ‘find’ themselves
They ditch their current life announcing something like:
- I’m confused
- I’m unhappy
- I don’t know what I want
- I’m lost
- I need to discover me
- You don’t understand me
- I need time on my own
- I need to find myself
And that’s what they do! Off they go to ‘find’ themselves.
So often this appears to involve an element of travel! Which of course adds a certain frisson of excitement to the whole experience! For some it’s escape to the wilds of Scotland – others go the whole hog and really put travel on the agenda.
Well I don’t actually believe many people ‘find’ themselves at the bottom of a tub of Italian ice cream in the centre of Rome,(however moorish the flavour!) or in the depths of an Indian meditation retreat, or come to that in lustful, abandoned, passionate sex on a Bali Beach! They might be having a jolly good adventure and a lot of fun, possibly with an eye on a profitable book about it and maybe that’s their justification for ditching their world and following their dream. But I’m not convinced on the ‘finding’ aspect of this!
I also don’t believe that “Wild Love” (a book which irritates me) is anything more than another justification for another ditch and run.
So to any potential ‘runners’ I would say this – before you charge off to ‘find’ yourself just look in the mirror.
Good gracious there you are looking back at yourself! How about saying “Hello Me” to yourself before you run as guess what? You’ll always be with you.
How about asking yourself “I wonder why I’m feeling like this. I’d love to know”
So my suggestion is rather than ‘Finding yourself’ How about ‘Finding Out how to Understand yourself. OK this probably involves a small amount of expenditure as help from a professional is probably going to be needed. But you just might discover that Understanding you is a far more solid foundation to build on. And by Understanding you and what you need, Understanding how you work and why, and then Understanding how and what your partner needs from life could be one passionate bit of fun – and you’ve saved the air fares, hotel costs, ice cream costs, moving costs, divorce costs,… whatever.
And once you’ve done that you can both zip off and have passionate, abandoned, uninhibited sex on a Bali Beach together! And I believe (though I don’t know) a Bali Beach hut is probably charged by the hut rather than the number of occupants – so is a great deal cheaper per head – or should that be per body! Much better than booking it for one and then hoping to find others to invite in!
OK, I agree, you’ve missed out on all that solo travel with no-one to talk to about it with but, personally, I prefer to share my experiences and share with someone who’s going to stick around! And this way you get just that – you’ve still got the person you promised “For better for Worse” to, the great, shared memories and a passionate present and future!
It’s just an idea!