A year!

I’ve now been living in my little rented cottage for a year.  So much is different from the trauma of a year ago and yet some of it is the same!  I’ve gained readers here on my little blog. I’ve lost readers – those whose lives have changed for whatever reasons.

The way I write has changed!  The focus hasn’t though!

Do I still think about Alex?  Clearly yes or I wouldn’t pose the question.  Do I miss him?  Yes and No.  I’m honest.  No point in not being!

Anyway in honour of my year here in this wonderful little home.  This building which has somehow protected me these last 12 months when protection is what I needed.  Protection from myself as well as from the all the pain,  I’ve thrown together a rather bad attempt at a few poetic lines!!!

A year is so much more than the days it contains
A year passes fast and heals – though some sadness still remains.
A year moves us from where we were to this place of here and now
We blink, it happened. It’s surprising to question “How?”

So be careful, dear friend, the one who visits here
Time moves fast – soon it will be now again –  this time next year.
Although we wish what happened hadn’t been the way it was
We must grab time and use it – Not say “I can’t….because….”

Blowing away the clouds in my mind

There are days when the clouds all assemble
When I wonder what all this is for
When I need to constantly remember
Just to love me that little bit more.
To stick to the Values I hold closest
To the Rules that make them hold fast
To live by them and look to my future
Not to turn and look at my past.

There are days when the clouds all assemble
When the future looks barren and bleak
When being strong seems almost impossible
When it’s easier just to sink and be weak!
But when days like this come and strike me
And “Enjoy the journey” seems a life time away
I remember that my Dad always did it
He stuck to his rule every day.

So on the days when the clouds all assemble
And the struggle seems hard to endure
Remember to fight for what you believe in
To protect yourself that little bit more.
To allow yourself to be vulnerable –
For that’s part of  you  too –  so allowed
So bring in that part where Nothing’s a Problem
Smile – and go stand out in the Crowd!

(inspired  – in part – by today’s life coaching session!)

As usual – two hours of Stephen’s guidance has had a very beneficial effect on my state of mind – though I was marginally surprised by my wish to put a poetic take on it!

Stepping out of my comfort zone!

I appear to be having a poetic few days!  And I hope my LC finds this amusing and also understands I’m finding it all rather hard!!

(And a big thank you to Bye2 for her lovely toenail collage! xxx)

He asked me to be outrageous
To try out something new.
So I thought about it for sometime
And I painted my toenails blue!

He asked me to go and shop around
”Surprise a shop keeper or two”
But my obstinate streak just dug in hard.
So I painted my toenails blue.

He asked me to leave my comfort zone.
Not to care about others’ view.
But I found I got incredibly cross.
So I painted my toenails blue.

The reaction I had to these requests
Just grew and grew and grew
My mind’s just fought against them all.
So I painted my toenails blue.

I want to achieve the tasks he’s set
As I promised him I would do.
So to give me the confidence to carry them out
I’ve painted my toenails blue!(And I still haven’t done any of them!)

Eeyore days

(I appear to be suffering from too many long journeys to work!! – And I think I’d better change my reading matter!!)

Some days I feel like Eeyore,
And some days I feel like Tigger!
But one thing I’m clear about –
Is it’s me who controls the trigger.

So when I wake in an Eeyore mood
Feeling sad and rather fraught –
I need to change the process in my mind
And remember what Stephen’s taught.

Some days I feel like Pooh Bear
Keen for adventure in my day
But I need the wisdom Owl has
To guide me along the way.

I’d love to trap the heffalumps
Which keep tripping up my mind
And find a pal to walk with me
Who is true and fun and kind

But really what I truly want
Is to be the real me
And have  a “Christopher Robin”
To love and care for me!

With him I’ll have adventures
Courageous Trips to far flung parts
We’ll walk those wondrous desert paths
And follow just our hearts.

And when each day is over
And we’re exhausted and well fed –
He’ll gently take me by the hand
And take me off to bed!

(So I hope I shrug off my Eeyore mood of the last 2 days and have a Tigger weekend – and I hope you, my dear readers, have a Tigger weekend too!)

There is a life…..

There is a life – a world out there
Which isn’t round and isn’t square
It’s just the shape that you create
For you alone at any rate.

It houses all your hopes and dreams
With stitching tight at all its seams
It holds your future in its palm
To protect you – from any harm..

It needs some things for you to do
To focus on when you feel blue
To giggle lots and make you grin –
So your sense of humour will always win!

Remember it’s not all a race
Take some things at a slower pace
Like making love – to be sublime –
It’s better in Slow, Slow time!

It’ll want some love along the way
To share those moments every day
To hold you when the sun goes down
To wipe away a tear or frown.

But don’t settle for second best
It’s daunting, but that’s the real test.
To have someone who really cares
To have someone who truly shares

Its sun is shining on your plot
Its there for you – it’s what you’ve got.
So hold it close and live it true
And stick to being the real you.

And So….

I stood at the alter so long ago
And promised to be faithful for all my life
I said I’d be there come what may
Through any trauma, any strife
But you chose not to mean those words.
And so I cried……….Well wouldn’t you?

I loved you with every ounce I had
I believed in you in every way
We had a life that could have soared
But we should have worked at it every day.
But you chose to close me out.
And so I cried……….Well wouldn’t you?

And You chose a different path
You chose a route that wasn‘t  bold
You chose to block the problems out
To turn way and leave me cold
And I was left with a broken heart.
And so I cried……….Well wouldn’t you?

And so you’ve cheated and you’ve lied
And really shown me no respect.
And despite all this you’re still lost
Although some remorse I do detect
I still have a broken heart.
And so I cry………….Well wouldn’t you?

The past is past and gone for good
You’ve smashed a life that had such hope
For what? I ask a thousand times.
For that spark of lust that pulls like dope?
We could have made it to the mountain top
And so  I’ll cry ……………. Well wouldn’t you?