I’ve been banned!!!

Well that got your attention!

I’ve been a bit quiet this week.  I’ve not been in a ‘good place’.  Rather overwhelmed by life.  I allowed myself to be over nostalgic, gloomy….. and lots of other negative emotions.  In fact I’ve worn myself out this week weeping. Not good.  In fact Bad.   So thanks Pat for your email of concern.  You are, wonderfully, right I need to be busier!

But what I didn’t expect was to reach home to find a voicemail from the owner of our local Beauty Salon removing me as a client!!

Apparently the owner has taken exception to me expressing concern  to one of their other clients about the horrendous malicious gossip she and her member of staff have been spreading about this client and her daughter (and probably me too!) behind her back.

I dislike malicious gossip.  I don’t like seeing other people being hurt.  Especially good honest people who are working hard to trade in the village and offer important services which really matter in rural communities, and who are so supportive of this local community.

I suppose the owner could have rung me and apologised for their lapse of professionalism.  But clearly she was too uncomfortable with her behaviour to do that.

So instead I’ve been ‘banned’ for outing her and her staff!

Wow I must have hit a raw nerve!!

Anyway the ‘ban’  has had a very beneficial effect on me!  I’ve cheered up immensely and had a lovely giggle with a girlfriend!

Ah the joys of village life!  Hey ho!

Damn the Dreams!

Poppy in my garden

At least during the day I have some semblance of control over my wayward thoughts.  I can decide which way to go.  Up or down!  But not when I’m asleep!

And having spent a large percentage of the last 24 hours asleep I have to say I’ve had enough of the dreams!

My body had got to total exhaustion stage yesterday and I slept most of yesterday afternoon, evening and then after a small window of wakefulness  – through the night!  Which does seem rather a waste of a day – but there was no alternative!!  So how come I still feel tired?  Well the dreams were chaotic, graphic, romantic and unfair.  So I woke – back into the reality – tearful and feeling wronged – all over again!!

Brilliant!!

Today is a Bank Holiday here in the UK so no work today.  I have my French class tonight to prepare for.

And I shall go over, yet again, what I learned at my LC session last week, and hopefully understand more of what I need to do – and possibly how!

I tell you one thing, dear reader, I’ve always said there are more questions than answers to this situation I find myself dumped in and that now applies to the LC sessions as well!!

I suppose the bonus is that, if I concentrate, the questions are forward looking rather than backward!  However, confusion still reigns!

Big Time!!!

Painting with Light

Painting with Light

It’s good and fun to learn something new.  I feel I should make this a daily goal.  Apart from anything else is gives me a sort of mini-challenge and it’s good to focus on something.

This week I learnt new stuff at my French class on Monday (and much to my horror I’ve agreed to do written homework from now on – I must be mad!  I never do my homework!  It’s easy to ‘wing it’ when it’s reading something – a bit harder when I have to produce written evidence!!).

And last night I had a really fun evening learning new techniques with my camera – along with lots of others from the camera club.

I think the drivers thought we were doing a traffic census or something as there we all were at the crossroads with our cameras egging the cars on to go round the mini roundabout in the middle!!  Lots of concerned looks and people asking what we were up to!

(Clearly we were practising for Friday’s Royal Wedding.  Which is what I told some passers by!!)

All I need to do now is paint my life with a bit more light!!!

Avenue Q

Wow what a musical!   Brilliant.  I recommend it to you all, dear readers!

Fantastic, philosophical songs which really make you think.  Very funny in parts, very thought provoking.

And actually really good for those in the same situation as I currently find myself in!

The UK version is on tour at present and just arrived at our local town for a few nights.

I’m really glad I went!

I wonder if there’s a CD of the tracks……

My best interests at heart

I know you, and  my LC,  have my best interests at heart and you’re all rooting for me – and don’t think I don’t appreciate it.  I do. Very much.

It’s the coaching which is the issue I have just now.

As I said a week ago my coaching sessions are on hold.  And at this rate it looks as though this could be indefinitely!  I appear unable to commit to ‘letting go’.

I shall miss the sessions in a way. When someone has got to know you that well it’s a bit bizarre just to stop suddenly.  But maybe they had become – to use his quote – “expensive chats” and nothing more.  In which case undoubtedly a waste of his time and my money!!

I also know there is absolutely no mileage in my LC saying that Alex could change his mind, is changing his mind, still cares…..  or any other combination involving hope!  As that will keep me well and truly ‘hanging on’. The trouble is when he says the opposite I don’t believe him!!

Well he may just be right.  But it’s easy for him to say.  I just wonder how easy he would find it if he had to do it in his own life.  OK I know that’s not fair – he’s ‘been there’ too.   Do men find it easier?  I’ve no idea!

I also feel a bit of a failure when it comes to the life coaching business.  According to one of his recent posts people usually ‘get it’ between 4-12 sessions.  Well I’ve notched up 23!!  So clearly I’m not one of his raging successes!!  Perhaps other people are just better at all this than I am.  Or the route he is now offering is not the one for me any longer.  Who knows!  I felt a bit bullied last week – so I retreated at speed and ‘hid’.    He has been an inspiration up to now and I have benefited no end but maybe that’s it.

Maybe the next stage is feeling a bit at sea (with no oars!! – oh dear that puts me in a rowing boat and I don’t like small boats, waves or rough seas at all!!).  Perhaps I just do now have to knuckle down and row!

It’s not that I mind a bit of hard work.  I don’t!  It’s just…..well:

Bu**er!!