Believe in yourself

I’ve been doing some early morning blog surfing – and came across this quote:

“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. ”
Christian D Larson

And that’s what’s so easy to lose.  When the person you believed would be there for you come what may,  the person you loved –  your best friend – your soul mate – suddenly walks away, inevitably you question your belief in yourself.

That’s what I did.  The trauma rocked and destroyed the very foundations of my being.  My belief in myself.

I questioned everything about myself and, in my depressed state, found myself wanting. I had failed and I had failed big time.  It was completely my fault.  I may not have cheated, as he had done, but I must have driven him to do all these terrible things.  How else could this wonderful, gentle, kind, loving, honest man have changed into someone I almost didn’t recognise.

Then, because he kept dithering and saying he was coming back, I re-affirmed these beliefs.   I convinced myself I was worthless and un-loveable.  I must be – why else would the very sight of me cause this man to run.  I lost – totally – any belief in myself.

And because one member of my family has always made me feel a failure – either by (hopefully inadvertently) denying my existence to his friends – or by frequently putting me down, my whole sub-conscious belief in my worthlessness was confirmed.

Then of course there was the fact that I was sexually assaulted at the age of 15 – which I’d also managed to convince myself was my fault!!!  Wow – have I been doing well on ‘doing myself down’!!

So whereas I’ve always thought  – at a conscious level – I loved and believed in myself – my sub-conscious was contradicting my edited version  and fighting.  Hence being stuck.

This is what I discovered this week at my Life Coaching session.

To find that the ‘obstacle’ I had to overcome was one I had created within me is a tough thing to face and then to deal with.  But actually overcoming it will free me beyond my wildest dreams. Because freeing myself – from barriers I had created within me – will mean I won’t just fly – I’ll soar!  (Sorry for all the flying references – but I am a glider pilot  – so flying and soaring are part of me!!)

Now I know where the barrier is, what it is, and why, it’s becoming easier to deal with.  I’m not there yet.  But at least now I feel I’m on my way.  My sub-conscious self still tries to drag me back (it did last night – big time) – but now I know where the fight is I can fight on the right battle front.

So the quote I found this morning is vital:

“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. “

E E Cummings

What wonderful quotes from this man.  I’d never heard of him until yesterday.  I’ve now googled him and here are some of his quotes/aphorisms which “do it for me!”:

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”

“Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star…”

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”

“Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.”

“Your homecoming will be my homecoming”