Let’s look at things differently!

Yesterday evening was busy!  I had French to go to and due to various things scuppering my departure from work I shot through the door of my cottage somewhat late, keen to get something to eat, check my mediocre attempt at my homework and appear bright-eyed and attentive at my tutor’s door.

Not to be!!  First I had a neighbour ring up to find out about the current status of the landlord and the other half of the warring couple.  I find it fascinating how people just see others’ actions so superficially.  They don’t think any deeper as to why a certain behaviour is manifesting itself.  In the case of the wife she does yell a great deal.  This was really bugging my neighbour.  However when I pointed out that she probably learnt this behaviour from her parents, who are notorious for shouting, not listening to others’ points of view and generally known for being difficult, he did concede I could well have a point and perhaps a more generous view to her predicament would be kinder.

No sooner had I dealt with that, than said landlord appeared at my door!  Clearly now free from incarceration at Her Majesty’s Pleasure!  So  I then had to listen to the outpourings of his experience! However I stopped him in his tracks as he  embarked on a monologue of all the past problems, by suggesting he looked at things differently, put the experience behind him and started planning his future with an eye on working out what he really wanted to do with his life rather than sticking with more of the same, which he conceded wasn’t making him exactly happy! 

He started to cheer up!! 

Perhaps I am going to be good at this life coaching business.  I seemed to brighten two people’s evenings – and I did make it to French class – just – though the homework remained decidedly mediocre!!

Now all I need is someone to brighten mine!!  No I don’t!  I’m in charge of my bright future!  It isn’t the responsibility of anyone but me.  And my new partner, when he appears, will fall in love with me because he wants to join in!!

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I wish!

Sometimes I wish I could be as good at the relationship part of my life as I am at my job!

That sounds arrogant but I am, mostly, good at the job I do!

I think that’s part of the problem.  I spent yesterday calming down members of staff who were still ranting at the removal of the storage cabinets for their files in the new office environment.  They raged to see how much furniture had been removed!  Sensibly they came to vent their spleen on me rather than the Managing Director – who would have only got defensive!   So I listened,  I encouraged them not to whinge, and then gently directed them towards getting what they want by not winding up the MD but engaging him with their issues in a professional manner so he would buy into their problems and solve them for them!  I became mentor and confidante.  I made them laugh by going round myself dishing out the new waste bins rather than leaving it to my staff to do!  I smoothed ruffled egos.

I walked the area with the MD after the majority of the staff had gone home last night so we could discuss issues that had been raised, and clearly my efforts have been paying off as his attitude to the minimalist approach was beginning to soften and he was taking a more individualistic approach to issues.  He even turned a blind eye to the person who had clearly been moving furniture – which on Sunday would have been a crime worthy of a death sentence (as a minimum!!)

Though I pity the one particular member of staff who has refused to use any of the storage shelving provided for him as it isn’t next to his desk – but two feet away from it – so he’s piled all his files on the floor!!!   I have a suspicion there is about to be a battle which he is very unlikely to win!  The general view of those sitting near him is they hope the battle takes place when they are all within earshot!!

Then I came home, to an empty house, with no one to smooth my ruffled feathers or to be my confidante and friend. No-one to share the day with and laugh at the ludicrous moments.

That’s when it’s tough.

Vulnerability is my key to success

I have just returned from a life coaching session.  One which has left me feeling dazed, surprised, happy, amazed, pleased and – well – bubbly!

That feeling which wells up inside when you know that now things can be different.

It was an intense session.  Just as well I don’t wear mascara as I wouldn’t have had any left by the end!  So yes – dear reader –  lots of tears.  Well actually more than tears – real sobbing.

I told Stephen that the problem I had was my relationship with me.

So the crying was necessary, necessary because finally I think I’ve understood!  And with the understanding I do believe I’ve lost the fear!

And now I’m grinning as I write this!  This is a totally amazing feeling. I don’t feel angry.  I don’t feel unhappy and, more importantly, I don’t feel scared!

What I’ve just been through links in with last week’s session – which by the way seems a life time away.  I’ve never known a week seem so long. But I’ve progressed from where that session finished.  The “Warrior” in me is no more.  It shouldn’t have been there in the first place.  I think some women create ‘warriors’ within them when they’re pushed into masculine versions of themselves for whatever reason  – be it survival, married to a weak man ……..  probably loads of reasons. They’re quite easy to spot these women: The brittle survivor,  or the fiercely independent (the way I was heading), not to mention the over active, even the forlornly determined I’m-OK-on-my-own-and-I-don’t-need-a-man type!!

Fine.  Each to their own and providing each one of those can genuinely and honestly from the bottom of their heart say they love the place they are in and wouldn’t have it any other way, then good for them and I toast their happiness and their future.

But this wasn’t and isn’t enough for me.  I wanted to hit my Green Button and really give myself a future totally free from fear, misery, depression or any other form of angst. I wanted to be girlie again – a feminine me.  The one I had buried.  The problem is I’d rather forgotten how!  I knew I wasn’t living true to me, the person I felt I should be but stopping doing what clearly wasn’t working was so scary I didn’t dare. I felt far too vulnerable!

And I didn’t know what to do instead!

Well guess what dear reader I discovered something today.  Allowing myself to show my vulnerable side is fine.  In fact it’s more than fine.  It’s great!!  It’s actually much more powerful than hiding it.  And realising that today has, I believe,  removed the fear.

I can still protect myself by using the wise woman part of me.  She can point me in the right direction and look after me and protect me, then the lover side of me can connect with the rest of the human race which in turn allows me to show how caring I am and then from this very safe place I can be girlie (my princess me), I can be vulnerable, I can be the me I was designed to be AND STILL FEEL SAFE, SECURE AND SUCCESSFUL – and amazingly loving.

And from this wonderfully safe place there is no fear.

From this amazingly secure place I can do anything! And probably with less effort and better results.

And by the way – that’s what I’m going to do!

At last I think I know how to hit my own personal Green Button.

The challenge I now have to stick to what I’ve learnt today.  To consciously live by this and not deviate.  This won’t be easy to start with and I shall probably have a few set backs. But I’m not going to focus on failure – I’m going to focus on success. Because what you focus on is what you get!  And I have this post to refer to. Plus all my notes from today’s session.  Plus Stephen to turn to when I get mixed up or start to deviate!

I will continue to be honest and post my progress.  I’m not going to cheat me or this blog.

And from this amazing place today I invite anyone, including Stephen, to add their thoughts to this post!

Actions to meet my needs and values

Hello dear reader.  I’ve been a bit quiet these last few days – mainly as I’ve been struck down with a cold which rather overwhelmed me!

Anyway I surfaced in time for my now fortnightly life coaching session!

And a  session of Life Coaching works wonders on focusing my mind.

A very pleasant 2 hours today.  Good discussion.  It’s great now I feel so much more relaxed as I can now absorb ideas as I discuss.  I’m finding it easier as I understand more and am less fearful.

All I need to do now is ‘fill the gaps’ and, for me,  these centre round:  Relationships, Adventure and  Giving.

So I’ve been asked to create a 3 month plan of action.

So far I have:

Relationships:
1. Change internet dating sites as I’m not getting any contacts from the ones I’m on at the moment.
2.  Go along to a few singles clubs

Adventure:
Find some causes I believe in and maybe plan some trips.
(I’ve come to realise I don’t have to travel to give myself adventure!  I got loads of adventure last weekend in my local town with the parade!  So if I can get it there then I can get in anywhere!)

Giving:
Give in small ways every day!

Anyway more to come so:

Watch this space!