Gremlin Attack…

I’ve decided to call my ‘crashes’ gremlin attacks, as that’s what it feels like.

Overwhelmed by some sort of alien invasion which consumes my mind. When it feels that fighting is useless because the ‘real me’ isn’t going to win.

OK so yesterday I got ‘attacked’!!   The invasion was swift,  from ‘all sides’ and ruthless.  And of course I was responsible.  I must have been – no-one else  was around!  What I did to trigger the attack I have no idea.  But looking at my Values list this morning I have to say I failed to give myself any of them.  So that was a good start!!

The first invaders set up their attack sometime during yesterday afternoon when I was out at a pub with friends!  I set up a retreat from the gathering which I then executed with my usual dexterity!  (I think it’s because one of the group is someone who I really don’t like – poor chap – so the thought of an evening in his company was just too much to take!).

I got home to find no power.  Cheeringly one of my neighbours, also without power, was doing nothing to get anyone to rectify the situation.  He said he felt “powerless” – correct we all were ‘powerless’ – but a phone call (by me) got someone into action mode!!

I’ve no idea when the power was restored – I went to bed when it got dark.  My mood collapsed along with the light and I was in a really dark, weepy place before I finally fell asleep.  I shall spare you the details of where I ‘went to’ as I’m sure it doesn’t take a great deal for you to work out!!!

Not much better first thing this morning.  But I’m rallying, dear reader, I’m rallying.  The fight is back on.

My ‘alter ego’ has just had an email read out on her favourite Sunday morning show (11-1 on BBC Radio 2) – so I’m pulling myself out of the mire!

It is a pain though.  And so totally Stupid.

My Values List is right in front of me and I’m focusing on them with everything I can give.

And my apologies for the negative – but that’s the way it is today.

Strengths and Values & their NEW order!

I’ve always promised myself that here I will be 100% honest. So that includes what I learn how (as best I can) I’ve learnt it, and how things have changed within me as I’ve progressed.

Before I started to write this post I searched my own blog to find what else I’d written on this very important subject!

I came across this post (click) and AJ’s very amusing comment – which for reasons which escape me I didn’t respond to!  Sorry AJ.  Actually you made me giggle then and again this evening!  Thank you.

I’ve also bought a book (at Stephen’s suggestion) called Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath.  It arrived this morning.  At the back of the book you get a code which you feed in on a website and then carry out an assessment.  So today I learnt what my 5 top strengths are.  They are Positivity, Communication, Arranger, Achiever and Activator.

They feel true to me.

The book goes on to give you action plans and lots lots more.

The results – which I haven’t read in depth yet have, however, given me a feeling of Yes I am OK being who I feel I want to be.

Anyway back to the subject of my Values and how after ‘floundering around’ on my own, I now, with Stephen’s help,  have a list of 10 – in a new order and with new Rules which are good for me and aren’t so severe they can never be met.

This is what I’ve been working on with Stephen over the last few weeks.  What I find fascinating is we revisited my original 10 and the Rules I had set them originally.  Well those Rules have gone right ‘out-the-window’.  It’s amazing how in just 2/3 weeks things have changed. And changed for the better.

So my list today (I’ve just got back from my LC session) is like this:

  Value   Rule
1 Growth Overall I grow when I learn something challenging.  Committed to learning about life
    Me I become committed to everything I believe in – My Values
    Relationship I will feel growth in the relationship if the person gives and is committed to helping me become the person I want to be
2 Love Me I just do.  To love me first
    Others Just do
3 Courage Me I have to love myself
    Others To love me enough – fearlessly
4 Intelligence Me I have to have courage to believe in myself
    Others To say what they think/feel fearlessly
5 Trust Me Loving me. Think before words
    Others I trust me to know.  To protect me
6 Respect Me I have to love and care for me
    Others To treat me with respect.  When I’m heard
7 Strength Me To say NO
8 Security Overall/Me I trust me to make decisions which are in alignment with everything I value
    Relationship I will feel secure in a relationship when the person is committed to helping me become the person I want to be
9 Adventure Overall Danger at some level (calculated risk).  Adrenalin. Giving me storytelling
10 Significance Overall I feel significant when I feel people genuinely care
    Me I will feel significant when I meet all of the above values

I’ve printed them out so I can carry them around with me.  There to help me when I feel unsure what to do.

So that’s it really for now. I don’t think I have anything more to say this evening.

Values and Rules

I progress, dear reader, I progress.  Finally it’s all beginning to make sense.  Which is good all round.

Last week I mentioned my top Values. I didn’t go into the rules I had applied to them. Rules which have to be met for the value to be met.  I discovered – last week – that the rules I had applied to my Top Values were very rigid.  So rigid in fact that the values were rarely achievable.

Today, at Life Coaching, we started to apply new, simpler, rules.  These rules do not compromise my values.  In fact, in many ways, they enhance them.  But by dint of their simplicity they make the value reachable – achievable.

So my list of values (in order below) is now like this with the rules I feel I need to meet them & what I need from others (this is how it is today – but it is “Work in Progress”)

{Rule for me – I just do love me, To love me first. 
Rule for others: Just do}
{Me – I have to love me first
Others – To love me enough – fearlessly}
{Me – I have to have Courage, to believe in myself
Others – To say what they think/feel – fearlessly}
{Me –  I have to have the intelligence to know when to speak and when to stay silent
Others –   To have the intelligence to communicate calmly}
{Me – Loving me. Think before words
Others – I trust me to know.  To protect me}
{Me – To love and care for me
Others – When I’m heard}
{Me – To say NO}

We are all unique so the values and rules we need to function and live –  to the absolute best – will be different for each person.  The order of the list will be different for each of us. What I also find fascinating – apart from what I learnt today – is the process of discovery and the fact that this Relationship Coach has the gift and the patience to help me find out what mine are and then to help me improve  the Rules and so create a better life for myself

Name Change and NO Looking Back!!

OK – Step forward.  In fact many steps forward!

So out with “I can Survive and I intend to Fly” title of this blog:

And in with “I am Surviving!  And I’m about to Fly”

Life Coaching breakthrough today!   These moments are always good!  I learnt a great deal today!  Tough things.  Things that have kept me ‘stuck’.  So, as usual, quite a few tears!  (I wonder what it’s like having a job where you spend so much time seeing people weep!!).

But – and this is a big positive But – now I understand why and what was keeping me stuck – I can rewrite the rules I’d applied to my top values with better ones and ‘go for it’ as the saying goes.  And kill off the negative ones which were bad – and I do mean bad!

Very interesting and probably very baffling for those of you who haven’t got a clue what I’m talking about.

As AJ and I once agreed over a giggling FB moment “You sort of had to be there!”

I need to be wiser!!

Owlet in India!

I need to be wiser and I need to keep busy and DO stuff!

So what have I done in the last 24 hours?

I’ve joined an Internet Dating site (!!) – called Friends Over Fifty.

I think I might quite like to also join MysingleFriend which might be better as I don’t appear to be very good at ‘selling myself’ – if you know what I mean!!

I’ve been to my Life Coaching and discovered a lot more about myself which I think, for now, I will keep to myself as it’s too difficult to explain – and in the words of one of my readers “You really needed to have been there” sort of way.  Nothing mind blowing.  Just understanding why the ‘sub-conscious’ me is arguing with the ‘conscious’ me.  All to do with my Values, their order of importance and the Rules I have applied to them and which ones are now clearly in conflict!!

Deep stuff!!

On the way home I stopped at the Mower shop and bought a lovely little hand mower which I have christened Patrick.  With good reason!! (Just google the two words together!!).

And I’ve now mown my little patch of grass!!

Lots to think about after this morning though!

School Report – Development Plan!

Several members of Caroline’s community, who have assisted her over the last year, have yet to issue their ‘End of year’ reports.

Those wishing to issue their  report may still do so.

These will be published!

In the meantime her Development Plan needs working on.

Proposed Development Plan:

Caroline needs:

  • To find a new route which will give  her peace of mind and an escape from the turmoil which keeps invading her
  • To improve her sleep pattern so she achieves  deep, untroubled sleep and no more waking in the middle of the night
  • To come to terms with and acknowledge acceptance of what has happened
  • To Love herself even more.  She has days when she does and then days of strong doubt in herself.  She needs to overcome the doubt.
  • Better Goals
  • To understand better her Values and the Rules applied to those Values
  • To find Happiness

Caroline  needs further assistance in achieving this plan  – which has been written by her!!!

And finally:  She also needs to stop writing about herself in the 3rd person!!!!