The absence of ‘B’ from my emails, text and voicemails is such a release and a relief. I hadn’t realised how scared, insecure and unsafe I’d begun to feel until all this stopped.
I haven’t heard anything from him since Wednesday night when he texted – and I ignored him.
It’s taken a few days for that feeling approaching terror to pass, but passing it is. In fact last night I really enjoyed being in my little house again. I opened the curtains and enjoyed the view. I began to start to feel safe again. It’s only now I realise how truly scared and trapped I’d felt.
What is scary though is how someone can suddenly ‘come on so strong’ – and with what felt to me a desire to rule my life, to take over and try and control and take charge of what I do. And all in the name of caring and giving (his words). I felt truly hounded. I felt as if he was trying to possess me. I felt assaulted all over again – though he never touched me.
I felt I had to hide in my house with the curtains drawn in case he turned up. OK I know I gave myself these feelings but his actions created them.
Hopefully as the days pass I will regain my composure and the feeling of safety and security I need to have. This has been a very un-nerving and extremely unsettling experience. No wonder I’ve found sleep difficult!