Junction 13 does it for me!

Don’t ask me why!  But Junction 13 of the motorway I travel down every morning ‘does it for me’.  I feel incredibly sexy at this point of my journey to work. (By the way this doesn’t happen on my journey home!).

I remember when Alex and I were still together I used to have these wild erotic thoughts start as I reached this junction.  The next few miles were always quite pleasant as I thought of all the lovely things I’d like done to me.  Even though I knew the reality wasn’t so good (given my ‘problem’).  The fantasy was amazing!!

By the time I reach junction 14 the feelings have usually gone!  So not much time then!!

Just as well he was never in the car with me or I might have wanted to pull over to the side (called the hard shoulder in the UK) and ………  (well you get the idea).

Last night I regaled this interesting fact to some of the thespians I’m in the pantomime with and one suggested it might be the road surface giving me a nice set of vibrations!!  Well it’s an idea!!  However I’m not totally convinced it’s actually the junction itself which seems to have this bizarre effect on me.  And I don’t think I have a wild passionate desire to me made love to whilst hurtling down the fast lane at 70 miles per hour (careful of the speed limit!).

Maybe it’s more the time of day and my body clock reaching optimum whatever mode.

I never told Alex!  Like so many things I failed to tell him.  Sad really.  He’d have found it funny (I hope!).

Do I still get these feelings? Very much so!  Which is even more frustrating than before!!

I assumed so much that wasn’t true

And no this isn’t a rush backwards to what I assumed about my marriage or Alex.

This is about me!  A topic I  clearly don’t tire of!

I assumed I was unlovable.  I assumed I couldn’t survive without Alex.  I assumed that despite all I was doing I would never get over the loss of the man I believed was my best friend.

These assumptions were profoundly limiting to any chance I had of a brilliant future of freedom.  Freedom to be the best version of me!  I was convinced they were true.  And that conviction made me needy, scared, vulnerable (in a bad way – not in a liberating feminine way).  Thanks to Stephen’s coaching (gosh don’t I keep dishing out praise in his direction!)  I overcame these limiting assumptions.  Very liberating!

Since finishing my Life Coaching sessions and starting on my exciting ‘road’ to becoming a life coach myself I’ve often wondered how he did it.  How did he trigger that change in me?

I think he made me question each assumption I had about myself and turn the assumption round to the opposite.  So how?  Well short of asking him and him telling me clearly I have no idea!

So how about this:

Every time you find yourself facing a limiting assumption question it.  Look at it from every angle – including how other people might see this assumption and then tell yourself it’s not true.  And finally say to yourself “If I knew that how would life be?  What could I do?”

Daydream the idea!  It doesn’t matter what the limiting assumption is – turn it round and have a lovely time enjoying the freedom to explore the infinite possibilities of the opposite!

I may have confused you!  If I have then good.  As a certain LC would say (and does frequently!).  Confusion is good!!

Confusion gave me the idea of becoming a life coach even though, initially, I put several limiting assumptions in my way  – all of which I managed to feed myself examples of ‘truth’ to back them up:

I’m a bad Listener
I always interrupt people
I’m too Old
I’ll be hopeless at creating rapport……..
and loads more I won’t go into!!

These assumptions turned round became

What if I become a good listener then what does that do?
What if I shut up!
What has age got to do with it?
I am popular and people do find they can talk to me!

Feeding myself positive assumptions, liberating ones, also makes me feel so much better!  I can actually feel the difference.  I sit up straighter. I smile to myself.  All good stuff as smiling releases the endorphins.  Endorphins are good little bu**ers!!

So on a personal front I am also lovable, not too old (sex doesn’t have to stop at 60! – Just think of that all of you who are in your 50s!!) and I’m also feminine and fun!

I accept I may need a dating goal!  And when I do it will be to go out and have fun!  Because having an intention to make it more than that would be wrong and probably far too heavy and intense.  That can happen when the right man comes along and will happen when it does – as a natural progression of falling in love.

(And I still live in hope of the internet dating at least dishing up some dates – especially as I’ve just been made a ‘featured member’ on one of the sites I’m on!!)

I’m sleeping with NLP

I’m NLP’d out.  I have read and read and read and I now have a list of questions which are mind bogglingly  irritating!!  I wake next to a mass of books strewn all over my bed next to me!

I’m in total danger of becoming nerdy about all this!  But at least it’s focusing me on the future – whatever that turns out to be!!  Mostly it’s stopping the looking back moments – except for last night which was one of my un-clever moments of wallowing in nostalgia, a moment of trawling the posts from this time last year when clearly I was so stressed out all I could do was weep – and, apparently, write copious amounts here, given I inflicted 64 posts on the world in that month alone for which I admire those who managed to comment on most of them!!  I’m surprised I found time to do any sorting out and packing at all!!

I think part of the problem is this time of year.  The festive season is a family time and right now family is what I have precious little of.  My brothers and I have an uneasy truce held together by the sale of the family home, 2/3rds of which should go through this week.  The last 1/3rd – the now wonderfully refurbished and extended flat originally owned by Alex and me remains unsold.  It looks wonderful.  I’ve been round twice and that’s enough.  I won’t inflict any more damage on myself!

My older brother is in the middle of the turmoil of breaking up his marriage – something which still baffles me and, I think, everyone else.  My younger brother is doing his usual trick of keeping as far away as possible and only communicating in a rather business like fashion on matters of property thus avoiding any form of emotional involvement!  Someone should give him a Phd in it!!

So  I’ve spent a rather solitary festive week in the company of wonderful words such as submodalities, epistemology (which as I’ve said before is sadly not the science of getting drunk), swishing and other terms which my little brain is feeling surprised at being introduced to!!  It makes the French homework seem easy in comparison.  Talking of which I’d better go and write my paragraph as I have a conversation lesson this morning!! (Why do I always leave this to the last moment to get done!!)

Anyway one of my ambitions this year is to wake up and find I’m not sleeping with the training manuals – but with a trainer who has decided to train me into enjoying all those things which I want to enjoy (thank you AJ for your particular ‘on the nail’ comment last year)

Getting a bit of Passion

That’s what we all want!  Some of my fellow bloggers already have it – lucky sods!

Some of us are missing out on sex and passion at the moment – which feels a bit frustrating in more ways than I’m prepared to discuss here, so leave to your imagination.

Now I’m not going to rush around and have some ‘adult fun’ just for the sake of it as I think it wouldn’t do my mental state any good at all

But there are other forms of passion!  Clearly I appear to have found a Passion for becoming a Life Coach – either that or I’ve been seduced by the book covers at Amazon!  I say this as 3 ( yes I know THREE!) more books on NLP have just arrived on my doorstep.  Given the speed with which said bookstore is delivering them I think they must be overjoyed with my continued business and are therefore encouraging me to assist their profits!!

So if anyone asks me now did Life Coaching do me any good or would I have got to where I am without it the answer would have to be “I don’t know!”  Yes time heals – it has and continues to do so but I definitely wouldn’t be keeping the world of NLP book sales going so well if I hadn’t chosen to go the route I did!!

Now about that other passion. Perhaps I just need to log on to Ann Summers and solve that one too!  Given the lack of an alternative!!

(given how I’ve ‘tagged’ this post I now expect my site hits to soar and will be disillusioned if they don’t!)




Lost and Found

I’ve read a great deal about people who have ‘set off’ to ‘find’ themselves

They ditch their current life announcing something like:

  • I’m confused
  • I’m unhappy
  • I don’t know what I want
  • I’m lost
  • I need to discover me
  • You don’t understand me
  • I need time on my own
  • I need to find myself

And that’s what they do!  Off they go to ‘find’ themselves. 

So often this appears to involve an element of travel!  Which of course adds a certain frisson of excitement to the whole experience!  For some it’s escape to the wilds of Scotland – others go the whole hog and really put travel on the agenda.

Well I don’t actually believe many people ‘find’ themselves at the bottom of a tub of Italian ice cream in the centre of Rome,(however moorish the flavour!)  or in the depths of an Indian meditation retreat, or come to that in lustful, abandoned, passionate sex on a Bali Beach! They might be having a jolly good adventure and a lot of fun, possibly with an eye on a profitable book about it and maybe that’s their justification for ditching their world and following their dream. But I’m not convinced on the ‘finding’ aspect of this!

I also don’t believe that “Wild Love” (a book which irritates me) is anything more than another justification for another ditch and run.

So to any potential ‘runners’ I would say this – before you charge off to ‘find’ yourself just look in the mirror.

Good gracious there you are looking back at yourself!  How about saying “Hello Me” to yourself before you run as guess what? You’ll always be with you. 

How about asking yourself “I wonder why I’m feeling like this.  I’d love to know”

So my suggestion is rather than ‘Finding yourself’  How about ‘Finding Out how to Understand yourself.  OK this probably involves a small amount of expenditure as help from a professional is probably going to be needed. But you just might discover that Understanding you is a far more solid foundation to build on.  And by Understanding you and what you need, Understanding how you work and why, and then Understanding how and what your partner needs from life could be one passionate bit of fun – and you’ve saved the air fares, hotel costs, ice cream costs, moving costs, divorce costs,… whatever.

And once you’ve done that you can both zip off and have passionate, abandoned, uninhibited sex on a Bali Beach together!  And I believe (though I don’t know) a Bali Beach hut is probably charged by the hut rather than the number of occupants – so is a great deal cheaper per head – or should that be per body! Much better than booking it for one and then hoping to find others to invite in!

OK, I agree, you’ve missed out on all that solo travel with no-one to talk to about it with but, personally, I prefer to share my experiences and share with someone who’s going to stick around!  And this way you get just that –  you’ve still got the person you promised “For better for Worse” to, the great, shared memories and a passionate present and future!

It’s just an idea!