I’ve bowed to pressure!

Sometimes it’s better to bow out!  And I have.

An email from the other brother backing H’s view tipped the balance.  Especially when – in his predicted CEO style- he started on about charity and being cordial.  Not to mention that he felt that morally the agreement had been fulfilled if not legally.

Though why I always get the giggles when he starts pontificating on about “What our father” would have wanted is a side to me that’s baffling!   You see I always want to add on “Who art in heaven” each time he says it!!  And somehow reading each sentence as “Our father, who art in heaven, would have wished……..”  makes it all funny!!  Especially when each sentence is so pompous!!

So dear reader I’ve done what I’ve done.  Thank you all so much for your stupendous support.  Which I know I appear not to have taken! But it was incredibly useful as it helped me think,  Thank you to Stephen for ringing me and listening as I talked it through!

So my decision has cost me financially.  And not cost them.  So in a way that gives me a certain dignity (just!).  And love (for me).

But I  wonder what the cost to them is.  Have they retained my respect for them?  Good question.  Have they retained Trust?  Another good point.

Have they got my Love?  Ah now there’s a question?

Will they think about any of these things?  No of course they won’t.  Not now.  But maybe one day.

Will they feel good in the long run.  Who knows.  I’m not them.  They will be who they want to be.

Will I forgive them.  Yes probably one day.  Not now.  It’s too soon.  But I probably won’t forget!   Fortunately this will be the last time we are forced to communicate with each other.  Once the sale of the final property goes through.  Wow do we need a buyer and a buyer big time!   A bonused banker is what we need who wants to invest in a pad in the country!

Then when the dust settles I believe I can at least be friends again with my other brother.  H has too many issues regarding me.  He will have to sort those out in his mind before he can be friends with me.  And my guess is he never will!

What difference will this make to my life.  Well in terms of seeing my 2 brothers not a lot.  We don’t see each other a great deal anyway.  And usually only when there’s a family event!  Last time we got together was my 60th birthday party – which they walked out of in favour of the pub across the road where they remained until after midnight rather than mix with me and my lovely friends.  So you see dear reader, we can hardly claim to be close!!

the pressure mounts

Clearly my non-response to my sibling H is irking him somewhat as he has now emailed requesting a response.

So I have several options:

1 do nothing

2  respond by repeating what I said on Friday

3  suggest he goes to see a life coach to sort out why he is feeling the way he is

At the moment I’m opting for (1).

(update:  To understand what’s going on dear reader, if you haven’t you need to read the following earlier posts:  Surfeit of Siblings and Pattern Interrupts)

Pattern Interrupts!

I confess, dear reader, that this evening I’ve had a moment of incredible anger!  Nay, fury!

My ‘darling’ elder sibling has just fired a second missile!  A wish to know if “I’d thought any further about what I’m expecting from our Joint Agreement” – which I wrote about the other day.

This time he used the email approach, sent to me and our other brother!  Clearly designed to up the level of pressure a notch or two!

I have replied to this email – referencing our Agreement and have left it at that.  But the rage I felt was quite extraordinary!

I then started to sail off down a “Why do I have to deal with these things on my own?  Why isn’t Alex here supporting me?”  type road!   Things like broken stuff and getting things mended don’t bother me one iota – I sort these things out in my job!  It’s the emotional support I need.  And I decided I needed it this evening!

I AM IN NEED OF EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

Then I remembered a story I was told the other day.  This friend said her parents used to argue and fight like crazy and she remembered one occasion when her parents were in mid-fight.  Her father picked up a vase to throw it at her mum.

“Not that one”  she yelled  “It was a wedding present”.

This stopped the fight in its tracks and they both ended up collapsed with giggles and hugging!

Pattern interrupts are good!!  And just writing this has shifted my mood!

After all my dear sibling can’t help it if he’s decided to wreck his marriage, is rattling round in his over-large house, can’t bear to part with his money and is feeling lonely.  He needs to love himself and be happy in his own skin before he has any hope of liking me!!

Perhaps I should lob a precious piece of inheritance at this head!!  The thing is I don’t think he’d laugh!!

But I might!!!

Surfeit of siblings!

Now don’t get me wrong I love both my brothers!  It’s just at the moment we’re irritating each other no end!!  The death of our father (who, one presumes, art now in heaven!!!) has thrown us together much more than any of us would wish!  We are in dire need of a period of non-communication and definitely a period when we don’t have to communicate. We need to return to feeling that we are there (where-ever ‘there’ is) for each other and  that we only need to get in touch when we want to rather than the current issue where we have to!!!

Today the money for my Dad’s part of the house will wing its way to us all.  I will be handed a cheque for my share!

At this point no one could claim that the ‘dust has settled’ as this is the first transaction of 3 (there are 3 units to sell)!  But my ‘darling’ older brother has already seen fit to suggest (and I use this term kindly and with all the sisterly love I can muster) in fairly strong terms that the joint agreement between us (which we all signed and which agrees that my rent will be shared by all 3 of us until all 3 parts of the property are sold)  should now cease – with regard to the company paying my rent!

For those of you who find this statement a bit bizarre, let me explain.  2 parts of the property are owned by the 3 of us and the 3rd part was in sole ownership of me and my Ex.  To refurbish the properties ready for sale we had to have vacant possession of the entire structure.  So we had a legal document drawn up to cover my costs which would otherwise have been borne by me alone though all 3 of us would benefit from me being ‘out of the way’.

We then lumped all 3 sections together into a development company.  However each time we sell a portion of the property I get a bigger share of the profits as I put more into the deal then either of them!

Now payout time is with us this is clearly irking my older brother. Every sentence he uttered yesterday made this fairly clear!!  He is not a happy bunny!!

Anyway I remained pleasant, polite and very, very firm.  I reminded him of the agreement!!  Poor lamb he’s finding the new, confident, happy, cheerful me a little difficult to deal with. Especially when I refuse to get cross or bend to what he wants!  I will not be pressured into buying somewhere I don’t like just so he can save himself £333 per month!!!

Phew I’m so glad we had this drawn up legally!!

Roll on the time this is all over and we can all retreat to different parts of the country and ‘lick our wounds’!