Red Alert Triggers

Gosh I’m learning so much about me!  And it’s all so interesting and actually becoming fun!

Yesterday evening I told you all how, finally, I was starting to sleep better.  Yesterday evening I  also allowed myself one of my “What happened to the man I married” mulling over and nostalgia moments.  Last night I didn’t sleep well.

As soon as I compromise the values I truly believe in I enter the conflict zone and a Red Alert state and everything goes haywire.

So I am learning that I do this to myself!!

Blimey I’m a slow learner – it’s taken me nearly 10 months of Life Coaching to have this finally sink in!!  (It’s OK I’m not beating myself up – more of a rye grin this morning!!).

I must admit it will be more calming when I can have a nostalgic reflective moment without all my internal alarm bells going off as if an intruder has broken in on my mind!  It’s worse than the noisiest  burglar alarm, and exhausting as I chase round trying to find the intruder – especially as I don’t know who or what I’m looking for!!!

I hope that makes sense.  If not please send for the men in the white coats!!  (Especially if they’re good looking , eligible, available, adventurous and fun!!)

Finally I seem to be sleeping!

For the last 5 nights I’ve slept.  By that I mean I’m not up and bouncing around at anything between 3.00 and 5.00 am!

So how come now I’m finally getting a reasonable night’s sleep am I so tired and shattered.  It’s bizarre.  When I wasn’t sleeping I seemed to have so much energy.  Now I’m exhausted!

Is this just my body adjusting itself.  I don’t know!  No doubt time will tell.

Curiosity Clearly keeps me Conscious!

At this rate I’ll end up living in a different time zone to the rest of the UK!!  My ability to be wide awake and ‘bushy tailed’ at 4.30am is stunning!!  Good morning everyone – it’s now nearly 6.00!

The issue here is that by 9.00pm I’m dead on my feet and can hardly keep my eyes open and all I want to do is go to bed.  This is not going to be any good for any of the potential suitors!  Though – looking at it another way I suppose it might be!  But there again not much fun if all I do is fall asleep!

On the potential suitors front.  I spent an interesting evening exchanging emails through “The Dating Site” with someone who lives about 18 miles away.  I even stayed awake until 10.15 such was the power of the email exchange!!

Curiosity clearly keeps me conscious!

This should be an Olympic sport…..

For consistently NOT sleeping!!

If so I beg to claim the Gold medal!   I appear to have turned Not Sleeping into a sport all of my own!   Either that or a new ‘art form’.  I am stupendous at it!!

And clearly BT feel I shouldn’t be awake as I couldn’t log on to the internet at 3.00am this morning, nor at 4.00!!  So I was thwarted in my desire to surf the net and generally make a nuisance of myself!!

I wasn’t even particularly unhappy!  Just AWAKE!!  Oh yes and cold!  Well once I got up and roamed around the house.

But the really clever bit – which earns me the medal – is the trick I have of falling back to sleep at about 5.15am – 30 minutes before my alarm goes off! 

Well at least I have my exciting evening of leaflet folding to look forward to!  My life is so packed with interesting and diverse activities!!

(BTW: It would appear our local newspaper is ‘coming off the fence’ as the front page today is all about the stadium concerns which is a great lead in to tomorrow’s leaflet campaign)

Today is a day NOT to think

I woke with a headache to beat all headaches!  It seemed to consume my entire body.  Even my feet hurt.  I wanted someone to massage the pain away.  So I called in sick and avoided  writing myself off by setting off to work.  I went back to bed and I slept!

It’s now midday and I am curled up in bed contemplating how I feel – which is rather washed out.

So today is not a day to think!  Difficult that!!  But maybe what I mean is not to make decisions on what I’m thinking as today is the sort of day when it would be lovely to be looked after and cossetted and that clearly is not going to happen!!

Today is a day where the Why questions loom large.

Today is a day when looking forward seems rather too daunting and looking back too easy.

Today needs to be a day when I just am and all I should be doing is allowing me some time for myself.

Perhaps that’s what today is for.