Changing for myself was not enough…..

Look out this is another thought provoking post!

One that I’ve been giving a great deal of thought to over the last few days!  Triggered, I think, by the course I was on.

Last summer I was still in ‘stuck’ mode. I knew I didn’t want to be where I was but I lacked the motivation to change.  Ludicrous as I was still very unhappy with my lot!  I think I couldn’t see the point. Why – well I was too wrapped up in me.  Rather than looking at me as others might view me I just felt it was no-onelse’s business.  I needed leverage to push myself into changing  some unconscious behaviours which weren’t serving me as well as they could.

I know Stephen used various suggestions to shift my very stubborn, determined, unconscious will which was hanging on to the ‘me’ who had (in my view) served me well until now.  Finally he asked me what my mother would have expected me to do!  Bingo!  Knowing that she would have been very disappointed to find I was letting myself down was the trigger that finally gave me the push to change. As I’ve written before the process of change wasn’t exactly, initially very pleasant. Though once I saw how different life could be it all became fun and exciting.  I needed the leverage of my mother’s disapproval and disappointment to give me the impetus to take that step into the unknown.  Even though she died many years ago it was the thought that I was letting her down!

The change within me was dramatic.  The fear went and a new certainty emerged.  Yes I lacked a goal to focus on.  But by changing I gave myself the freedom to find the goal.

So why am I  waffling on about this?  Well I get comments here from some people who are also stuck in their own ways and for their own reasons.  Angry, hurt, resentful, feeling sorry for themselves and many more emotions.  One thing we all have in common is we are, or were, stuck in a pattern of behaviour which we are not 100% totally relaxed and happy with.

We can all come up with solutions to mask the problem.  We ‘solve’ the angst by focusing on an activity or a new person.  But ultimately until and unless we address the issue within ourselves we, I believe, could be destined to make the same or similar mistakes in the future.

So what’s the cost of not shifting the out-of-date behaviour which we cling on to so hard?  Well for ourselves maybe just more heartache and pain. But what about those around us?  Our friends, our parents, our children. The cost for them could be so much greater.  Especially children.

So all I would say to anyone who is still feeling scared or uncertain or ‘lost’ is you may not feel you need to change for yourself.  You may feel that living with what could be outdated beliefs and behaviours is OK and just part of you,  BUT maybe you owe it to those who are depending on you or relying on you to take that step into the ‘unknown’ and find out if you are unconsciously not giving yourself the best you can.

So what do you think?

I said it was thought provoking.  Deliberately so!